Problems: 09/22/15

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Problem

They flashed something yellow on my TV on a new show I like and said, "This is 'sister.'" I am not mute! I didn't do anything wrong!

"for the record"

Do you know how long it's been since this for me somewhat unsuccessful visit? It's been a little while already.

This is another point I have to make in all this.

They are trying to make me feel bad about being rough after my grandma groped at church, when she was the bad one, and when they were mean to me and I splashed in the pool cuz I was mad. I didn't wanna do that. Since when have people become so incredibly, outright nasty? It's like they're staring me down in secret. I can't get at them, but here I'm telling you now. Sometimes, a lot of times, I ignore things. I don't think it's appropriate to be mean to me twice and try to make me feel like I was trying to be mean. That's not my case. It's that I was upset and couldn't hold it in.. and then there was a reason.

Problem

They are threatening me as I'm about to post again. Ruining something..

Problem

They won't stop! This is bothering me! My dad acts like this is his back and then flips me off saying he didn't do it. He keeps changing his mood and behaving inappropriately.

Problem

They made the post not publish right away. I had to click again after the check thing you get after posting so much.

Problem

This can only mean more problems.

My dad and his oldest sister and mom are acting like they want to take things from me, like watching Ellen and feeling good. I can see my dad giddying up. They think I was extra bad at my aunt's and grandma's. My grandma groped at church, and I got rougher and wanted to leave. I splashed in the pool when uncomfortable from my mom by her choice and upset at messages all around me that are mean because of someone thinking that's what I have to do.

I did get the message that no me is me time on others's part. They are just punishing me for no reason tho, so whatever the situation they think is isn't exactly the answer they gave.

What about me? Why do I get treated badly? Am I the opposite of success because of this experiment? Why do other people get the "pleasure" bell of just no me and other things that are actually bad tho? People used to say I was so accomplished, doing well in school, good in activities, good reputation.. Then, the experiment came.

Problem

I don't need people beating at me. They are getting mad at me for like not getting enough sleep as a teen, when I was doing homework. I e-mailed 1 hour, no TV. I had some physical activity.. because they think they are cool like they know why I was ugly but didn't care when I did.. they did it. They did it on purpose, so I didn't know what to do. I can't go to the gym at 12. Well, yea, but it'd be like tennis, which I did some. It'd be some thing that consumes time. Which, why does it seem like there's something wrong with that? Just, why do they keep fighting me? I don't wanna get arthritis typing this. I need to sort these things out. Where did all these false insults stem? Like, I see they are doing things Johnny Depp does, telling us we did something that was only subconscious or we didn't know. I am being like blown away by the foolish hatred. That I was ugly in a way. Like I could fix it. When I could when I was like 14/15/16, I got to jog for exercise and did much better then sometimes. I know exercise fixes ugliness. So, I'm being stormed at for being ugly from not exercising as much as others or something. That's an image stemming from the past. I just feel this set hatred.

Problem

That's what people do. Most people quit and go into acting or business.. maybe more non-acting.. Do you believe in cheerleading?

Problem

My parents let me do activities growing up so I had something fun to do.

Problem

They are trying to mess up my talents it seems, crazy tho I think. I remember how my dad used to approach me, like to start piano and quit art.

Problem

Why does Ellen DeGeneres seem to have made it so I can't sing? Probably some minuscule, insignificant perfectionist thing against Christina guilt trip. She seems to believe I live some double life where I have extraneous thoughts that I can't control that mean guilt. Like, I don't deserve to sing. She reports back to my bad dad, "Okay, she can't sing." No one should listen to him. We should turn him in.

I'm not trying to insult an other ways possibly innocent public figure, but I noticed this and it's weird. Maybe, it wasn't like that.. but that's what I "found" unfortunately..

Problem

They keep trying to do things to sense and attack my toes/feet.

Problem

My dad was acting like he psyched Ellen DeGeneres out.

My mom secretly said, "*** memorized it. You will never feel that."

This is a bit ridiculous. You guys don't have the right to be mean to me.

My mom just keeps going with a bemused attitude, trying to say I was wrong in that she'd act like Ellen DeGeneres told her to do it.

So, the point was..

..I felt like my grandma and oldest aunt made it so I don't feel well and can't rest and am dysfunctional. My aunts don't care about my life. My grandma thinks I'm an accident, like anyone.

I dunno how much I needed to say. They kept getting me mad and driving into me. I think my aunt is just mad I splashed in the pool.

I know they don't want me to mention it, but I need to get my thoughts out! I don't wanna keep these to myself.

Problem

They said, "Well, come on and do it. You can't do it."

That's disturbing. Threatening me? I need to get to bed someday!

Problem

My oldest aunt has no say in my life. She was threatening to be a problem when we left.

Problem

They are dropping more insults, making a few pages reload like it's bubbling up in *beep*.

Really Worried

My dad blurted out that he says something isn't gonna happen. I have a big day tomorrow, I don't need his "toast" to coast. All I did was pretty much say what my grandma and aunt did. I just wanted to visit like they said. I didn't do anything wrong.

It seems..

..new rules are being made all the time.

Staying negative..

Reacting to me "telling.."

How am I supposed to achieve? Like, be happy and live normally without being labeled a schizo by a doc?

Problem

My dad sounded like he said to my mom, "No, it's the kind when it's the kind. It isn't going to do it." What did I do? I just reported what was done. That can't happen. I can see it's cuza visiting my grandma and oldest aunt. They were mean to me. I just felt a bit upset, no damage done.

My dad looked happy saying it and cupped his hand behind him as he left, like I like him and want to be with him. He does this nasty stuff.

How godforsaken nasty can you get? My grandma and aunt are making me not feel anymore what I want. They have no private business over me and at 29 years old.

I haven't done anything wrong. I don't believe in, "Just don't say anything."

Problem

This person keeps being nasty.

Problem

Even tho I wanted to apologize, I didn't see the point in deleting a truly functional and important post I made.

Problem

Why are you telling me I did something wrong when I didn't?

Problem

The severity of my grandma/aunt is disturbing.

Problem

They are associating memories with possible future kids, someone, like I "did something."

Problem

They won't stop..

They reloaded the Blogger icon 3 times and wanted my grandma touching me and not feel other things. Why?? I don't like what it was and am doing other things, apparently.

Problem

I don't know about people getting caught up in this whole it's okay to treat me differently in bad ways cuz I'm being experimented on. I just find that going in and making it so I suddenly can't feel much in a way is okay. Maybe, I'm getting skinny, too. I see a lot of rage for me, and it is making me more unsettled, as usual. My oldest aunt must be mad she has no kids. Then, they go psycho in the experiment delivering me secret messages. No offense.. just 411.

Thoughts

No matter what I do, I cannot change the past. I don't know what all I got down here. I see that I have no shot at living a normal life. I don't know what would happen if someday I live alone.

The Big Picture

I can see this is all cuza anger rooting from my dad and to his mom and oldest sister. I'm not really a bad person. This could have been easily avoided and my life saved somehow.

I thought..

..some of you didn't like apologies.

Problem

I am trying to sleep, literally, and they keep bothering me with threats!!

Problem

What the H*** is this? My dad.

Problem

So, what, you just are mean to people or is that for kicks? cuz I mean you must get along with others sometime.

Problem

That wasn't very mean, what I said!

Problem

What do you think you'll get for listening to my dad/Orlando? My dad.

Problem

They're trying to take from me like I did something.

Problem

They made my BlogSpot logo blink when I went to it.

Problem

They're messing with how I feel!!!!

Problem

They just won't stop.

Problem

You can't take over my life and ruin it.

Problem

I just sensed they brought me in as an offense.

Problem

They are picking at me in weird ways for being upset when they were mean to me.

My grandma/oldest aunt keep appearing and prevent me from feeling good at night and I wake up and am not ready to face a day. They made a noise sometimes to turn me off at night when I feel good or am about to sleep.

They're telling me more now. I don't want my grandma touching me in the way she was in real life and now coming in in uncomfortable ways. I was eager to see her for my own reasons. I thought I would stay away, but I called and she said to come.

I am having problems feeling things for some reason.

They think they can end my life. I even got a secret message about me being something they want d**d.

I don't want to be pushed to feel with my grandma in place of something else a part of my life. I am open to them, but they shouldn't "need" to feel me like that when they don't show so much interest. That's up to no good. I don't want my grandma coming in like I'm bad and in lieu of that she needs to touch me to be my life, in a bad way.

I know my aunt has issues that shouldn't be. If she's gonna be in my life, she's gonna have to knock, I guess. She gets mad if I talk about being young. Maybe, I should not even visit anyone?

So, yes, this lack of me feeling right does not make me well at night. I wake up and feel.. well, right now like I'm uncomfortably m*******ing.

What say does my grandma have in things in my life? I'm a good person, and she's more iffy. Same with my oldest aunt. She can't be here to k***. That's sorta the opposite of what she does. It's not funny. They think I'm an accident and don't matter. They find an interest in my mom and dad but not me due to them.

They just asked me if I don't want something, but there's nothing wrong with me reporting this crime! I didn't do anything! If you agree with this, you are out to get me. I forget what I was gonna say now. Oh, some people think these things aren't good to talk about. Maybe, I'm over their heads. I think I have this more pieced together than them and solved it to my advantage, simply.

My grandma and oldest aunt are so mean to me. My younger aunt seems to have a k***ing nature, as well. So, gotta watch out. They just said that someone has something I don't but in a bad way. I can't imagine them being like this before. Who said my dad is right that I'm bad? I dunno about ugly. Does that make me bad? or maybe upset because of problems like this?

I just wanted to dish out the facts, and they brought up other things to mangle the truth with in convincing readers. I was sleeping and had problems.

Problem

I am not someone you can be mean to. What about you?

Problem

They keep being mean to me, someone, to be safe. Do you know what being mean means?

Problem

They're m*****ing me with family.

Problem

I got another expensive message by "the team" that my reviews condoning the bad things were bad cuz it was to hurt me.

Problem

Why does my younger aunt seem to think I need to change, that I did something wrong?? I can get secret vibes sometimes she's just upset and we don't talk much. I mean, I just wonder what I'm doing. Like, my aunts both wrote long posts on Facebook, and I got the reverberation that me talking wasn't just to start a conversation.

Problem

They're playing "smart" with me.. like they can just be outright mean. You wait, and it goes away, but it was a nuisance.

Problem

Was/Is all the laughter really necessary? I just was getting ready to eat supper with my family while the world can listen in on us together being bound in ritual, which I wouldn't do to someone else like that as far as I can figure now.

I wasn't especially bad.

You know, people know I decided after I was just being positive so as not to ruin the ceremony, cuz they could tell if I was "bad."

What's with the associating me only by blood cuza that? Do you know what technically happened? I just feel mad sometimes at supper.

Ruined My Day

My dad did something and for some reason it seemed to offset the day into fueling my guilt tomorrow.

Still an issue..

I guess I could have coped with my family watching the Emmys with me at the start while they listen in on us.

I usually think of curse words at supper but didn't seem to much last time.

I do know they are hurting me, but it's too bad for curse words.

They are even "giddy." It's an issue to me now. So, you have to be mushy with your family if you talk to anyone else? I'm not mushy with anyone..

Problem

If it was a weird situation and I didn't "know," why's it such a large scale "issue?"

Problem

Who cares about some people? I am not an "issue." Thanks a lot, Tim Burton.. for pretending I wanted to say the N word cuz I didn't.. most of all, Johnny Depp and the world for thinking that to your advantage.. cuz you're all the ones who're mad at me or "different" than it was otherwise, which was a time of confusion of what's cool and what's "drool."

Problem

They are continuing to bother me.

Depressed Forver

They tuned in on my family and I eating supper at the beginning of the Emmys and they snottily decided I wasn't up to snuff. I was trying to deal with it, but a few curse words "technically" came to mind. Oh well, didn't want that, but I take it you should not like me if you have a problem.

I feel like I was imprisoned with my parents for more than these, like, 10 years. I don't want to tie the knot like this. I should be happy, but my parents weren't there for me when it happened. I just knew I didn't like it, tho I don't want that feeling with anyone, being bound. True, they were not always affectionate. People are coo coo like that's my fault.