I saw Madea Halloween.
I found my life was spied on after my 1st year of college. I was supposed to be ready to meet a new family and be blonde. I was ousted from my college major by opinion. My new classes were too hard. The spying on me was also in the way. I didn't get my family. Now, I am 10 years older. It seems my parents have been treating me like I'm not me and badly like all the time for things like this. I'm not living with this.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Getting Away With It / Going Too Far
They said pretty much my deepest relationships are a casual stationed relationship for, like, people I know instead, as tho they make me. It's like some joke.
I feel pressure if I post here, too, from them.
I feel pressure if I post here, too, from them.
No..
I'm not living by those standards, I am mad and hit something you can hit and not damage in my room and suddenly I can't live like before and feel emotion. They keep picking at me just for saying how I feel! I'm not living like this! I don't see how. What's your problem! I just wanted to post it, and you're getting all technical and talking to me via the Save button.
Sure, those people can do what they want, but you messed up my life. I can't live like this. Why didn't you just let me make my post and leave me alone?
They are adding more mean things after I post this! they always think it's necessary.
If I live by these standards, I will feel bad. It's not okay. They did get mad at me just for talking about it. It's not the kinda thing people wanna talk about with me. I don't need this meanness blasted at me.
What is their use?
They are bothering me now acting like someone I look up to is acting stupid and silly to annoy me.
I didn't do anything wrong! Why should I be picked on? They are affecting my real life for sport.
This is not going well. I feel a punishment in the big picture. I feel watched to make sure I feel bad and stuff.
So many damned times I come on here I have to worry if they think I'm "in trouble" and gonna bother me via the Save button and how pages load and the ads that show.
This isn't really okay. Who says? I thought I didn't "lose" things for no apparent reason. You flipped the rules so you could be more comfortable. That's not fair to me. That's silly. This seems to be giving people a hard time somehow.
What did I say wrong? Nothing. I didn't beat at anyone. I just wanted to post something, and they made a big deal of it and thought all this maybe what if I did something else instead and act like posting is not important.
I feel as tho no one will like me now cuz I posted so much, but it wasn't bad.
Sure, those people can do what they want, but you messed up my life. I can't live like this. Why didn't you just let me make my post and leave me alone?
They are adding more mean things after I post this! they always think it's necessary.
If I live by these standards, I will feel bad. It's not okay. They did get mad at me just for talking about it. It's not the kinda thing people wanna talk about with me. I don't need this meanness blasted at me.
What is their use?
They are bothering me now acting like someone I look up to is acting stupid and silly to annoy me.
I didn't do anything wrong! Why should I be picked on? They are affecting my real life for sport.
This is not going well. I feel a punishment in the big picture. I feel watched to make sure I feel bad and stuff.
So many damned times I come on here I have to worry if they think I'm "in trouble" and gonna bother me via the Save button and how pages load and the ads that show.
This isn't really okay. Who says? I thought I didn't "lose" things for no apparent reason. You flipped the rules so you could be more comfortable. That's not fair to me. That's silly. This seems to be giving people a hard time somehow.
What did I say wrong? Nothing. I didn't beat at anyone. I just wanted to post something, and they made a big deal of it and thought all this maybe what if I did something else instead and act like posting is not important.
I feel as tho no one will like me now cuz I posted so much, but it wasn't bad.
You can't ruin my life!
They said they did this and now are acting like they said something else but didn't.
What's your problem?
They said this is all my fault and want me to feel bad.
They are saying I can't feel emotions a certain way!
They are saying I can't feel emotions a certain way!
They think..
they provide and can retract things from me emotionally like it's theirs and I can't have it.
As I post..
..they are talking to me and acting like someone I like is with other people I know and this is it. There is no reason for me not to post this "or else."
What is the issue?
When I post about something they do to me that ruins my life.
I can't live thinking I cannot punch my punching bag when mad or stop writhing on the sofa when I'm emotionally distressed and tortured, or else, I can't get affection to make me feel okay or feel okay myself. That's what they are stopping.
I can't live thinking I cannot punch my punching bag when mad or stop writhing on the sofa when I'm emotionally distressed and tortured, or else, I can't get affection to make me feel okay or feel okay myself. That's what they are stopping.
Problems
I've been waiting kinda awhile and think it's too late. This is kinda stupid, I get rules that affect my private life.
I was hitting my punching bag and thought of something that made me feel good to do with others. I thought maybe they were talking to me. I didn't stop.
I was writhing on my sofa in frustration how I was being spied on. They mentioned a body part, and now things don't come on as much.
I could have had some big things going for me, but I never agreed to this, these rules. I understand if there is a real reason.
They are proceeding to doing away with my feeling okay.
You know what else, they took off a TV channel to get for now at least that relates to something miraculous that occurred to me, which seems to have been taken from me like it was given possibly.. because it is related to something else that happened supposedly.
All these silly rules cuz they can't think for themselves like I do. It just shows the pressure I get in my private life.
What am I gonna do? Just live and die like I don't matter? That seems to be their proposal for people's lives. My life meant something and it was my responsibility. I was nice to others and cared about them, tho people don't talk much to me.
They keep presenting me with threatening attacks. Like, they go all over and say I did something bad and it's like a lilt that I lost something I never had anyway.
You know, I don't have what I need in life or should have by today's standards. I can't find some rigorous exercise program I can easily access that satisfies me. I am saving money for a trip in November. Maybe, in December of January I can search on.
I feel like I'm gonna crumble, like the Wicked Witch of the West melting.
You know, there are a lotta things that seem right that others pretend is wrong, like me writing this and expecting a full life again.
I was supposed to be liberated. My dad "couldn't do it." People are all afraid of what he really wants, that it doesn't matter if I am hurt because of "the starving kids in Africa" etc. This is quite a problem, tho. I think people have been fighting for this, and it won't relieve itself.
Why can't I take out anger physically like anyone else? I never said anyone could bargain like this with me. What did I bet on? My eminent loss? That it doesn't matter because other people "don't have it?" No, no, no! That's not a new way of how to think. When people have accomplished a lot, they have certain needs, like food.
I don't want to blame anyone, but I don't like how this is going. I feel wounded. Duh, tho, yea?
Basically, I can't feel affection and fun and am being monitored so I don't.
I feel a little silly. I mean, hey, I still have it, my imagination. I'm feeling different, tho, too.
Something I really want is a rigorous exercise program, not so much into "yoga."
I will admit it was hard for me to imagine things. Doesn't your actions and others's opinions of you affect your life personally?
It's just me, pretty innocent, and this happens to me. I really cannot stand it. Maybe, that's the cause of my stress. I had a hard time in college and became something of a dropout. It was clearly when I was being spied on without emotional relief, maybe my fault, but I thought they had something for me soon. I feel I am being punished for flunking college, but I'm over 21. People are nasty to me. I feel like I'm a cat running in circles.
Every time I masturbate, too, the next day seems it could be tough in ways. It seems natural, in a way. I was just humoring myself and decided to do it. Maybe, just the thought I am prohibited at least something makes me aroused. Does exercise help prevent masturbation? Probably, but it's probably not enough of an ingredient to the recipe of preventing arousal from wanting to masturbate.
I'm just depressed, no matter how nice I am no one cares. I have other things like wanting to fix my room more. So, yea, I can't feel accomplished, and I greatly wanted for that. I wonder if I need to change my lifestyle. I know I have laundry from the hurricane. The pills make me sleep so much. My parents said I had to take them.
So, yea, I just wanted to feel a little silly and then I masturbated. I tried sleeping with no TV/music, and it isn't working yet.
I was hitting my punching bag and thought of something that made me feel good to do with others. I thought maybe they were talking to me. I didn't stop.
I was writhing on my sofa in frustration how I was being spied on. They mentioned a body part, and now things don't come on as much.
I could have had some big things going for me, but I never agreed to this, these rules. I understand if there is a real reason.
They are proceeding to doing away with my feeling okay.
You know what else, they took off a TV channel to get for now at least that relates to something miraculous that occurred to me, which seems to have been taken from me like it was given possibly.. because it is related to something else that happened supposedly.
All these silly rules cuz they can't think for themselves like I do. It just shows the pressure I get in my private life.
What am I gonna do? Just live and die like I don't matter? That seems to be their proposal for people's lives. My life meant something and it was my responsibility. I was nice to others and cared about them, tho people don't talk much to me.
They keep presenting me with threatening attacks. Like, they go all over and say I did something bad and it's like a lilt that I lost something I never had anyway.
You know, I don't have what I need in life or should have by today's standards. I can't find some rigorous exercise program I can easily access that satisfies me. I am saving money for a trip in November. Maybe, in December of January I can search on.
I feel like I'm gonna crumble, like the Wicked Witch of the West melting.
You know, there are a lotta things that seem right that others pretend is wrong, like me writing this and expecting a full life again.
I was supposed to be liberated. My dad "couldn't do it." People are all afraid of what he really wants, that it doesn't matter if I am hurt because of "the starving kids in Africa" etc. This is quite a problem, tho. I think people have been fighting for this, and it won't relieve itself.
Why can't I take out anger physically like anyone else? I never said anyone could bargain like this with me. What did I bet on? My eminent loss? That it doesn't matter because other people "don't have it?" No, no, no! That's not a new way of how to think. When people have accomplished a lot, they have certain needs, like food.
I don't want to blame anyone, but I don't like how this is going. I feel wounded. Duh, tho, yea?
Basically, I can't feel affection and fun and am being monitored so I don't.
I feel a little silly. I mean, hey, I still have it, my imagination. I'm feeling different, tho, too.
Something I really want is a rigorous exercise program, not so much into "yoga."
I will admit it was hard for me to imagine things. Doesn't your actions and others's opinions of you affect your life personally?
It's just me, pretty innocent, and this happens to me. I really cannot stand it. Maybe, that's the cause of my stress. I had a hard time in college and became something of a dropout. It was clearly when I was being spied on without emotional relief, maybe my fault, but I thought they had something for me soon. I feel I am being punished for flunking college, but I'm over 21. People are nasty to me. I feel like I'm a cat running in circles.
Every time I masturbate, too, the next day seems it could be tough in ways. It seems natural, in a way. I was just humoring myself and decided to do it. Maybe, just the thought I am prohibited at least something makes me aroused. Does exercise help prevent masturbation? Probably, but it's probably not enough of an ingredient to the recipe of preventing arousal from wanting to masturbate.
I'm just depressed, no matter how nice I am no one cares. I have other things like wanting to fix my room more. So, yea, I can't feel accomplished, and I greatly wanted for that. I wonder if I need to change my lifestyle. I know I have laundry from the hurricane. The pills make me sleep so much. My parents said I had to take them.
So, yea, I just wanted to feel a little silly and then I masturbated. I tried sleeping with no TV/music, and it isn't working yet.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
"What do you think you're doing?"
Just waiting. For your mommy to come around and make everyone die for them? Huh? Not gonna happen unless you have a war or crime.
"tumbleweed"
So, are you people sitting around waiting to say, "No, it's not," and say I am so good I don't deserve to talk to anyone? That doesn't make sense. "I'm so good I deserve to starve cuz the food isn't perfect."
Problem
Someone I like a lot supposedly said I have to listen to things that are wrong and bad and mean to me. The people experimenting on me also cover stories about me in wrong ways just to be safe.
I even wondered if my YouTube broke on its own, but too late I already was "mad."
I don't like this. I didn't mean anything bad to my dad. I don't wanna be bugged. You know, I've been uncomfortable around him for some unknown reason since I lost my 4.0 and went to the mental hospital. I had an extra hard class and didn't have extra care for it. It was too hard. It seems my life is miserable because of his hatred for me, for things I've done that I didn't mean to. You know, no one talks to me much. What the heck does he want from me?
You know, my parents creep up under my skin. They act like I'm shit.
If I am right about a point where people are mean to me, they go against me. They say someone I like a lot says.
Hey, they might have done it cuz they just messed with my TV I think. I thought of a point and all of a sudden the TV blinked on and off.
My life is a fight. It wasn't before.
I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna be the one that's out when I'm not. My dad didn't address me, so I was quiet.
I don't know what all else to say. Is this the new diary of Anne Frank?
What did I do wrong? I said I was mad? I am just starting to try to figure that out.
I gotta go soon.
I even wondered if my YouTube broke on its own, but too late I already was "mad."
I don't like this. I didn't mean anything bad to my dad. I don't wanna be bugged. You know, I've been uncomfortable around him for some unknown reason since I lost my 4.0 and went to the mental hospital. I had an extra hard class and didn't have extra care for it. It was too hard. It seems my life is miserable because of his hatred for me, for things I've done that I didn't mean to. You know, no one talks to me much. What the heck does he want from me?
You know, my parents creep up under my skin. They act like I'm shit.
If I am right about a point where people are mean to me, they go against me. They say someone I like a lot says.
Hey, they might have done it cuz they just messed with my TV I think. I thought of a point and all of a sudden the TV blinked on and off.
My life is a fight. It wasn't before.
I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna be the one that's out when I'm not. My dad didn't address me, so I was quiet.
I don't know what all else to say. Is this the new diary of Anne Frank?
What did I do wrong? I said I was mad? I am just starting to try to figure that out.
I gotta go soon.
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Problem
They said someone I like said to take back my life on account of me feeling pain and their feeling selfish pleasure. I don't need to feel pain. I never said they were selfish, but they implanted this in them like it's necessary to be. They are just trying to punish me and make me feel badly. It's like they cut off the relationship. I hear cars outside being suggestive. I didn't do anything that badly. I'm just posting on my blogs innocently. I didn't name any names. It's like they all of a sudden decided this in my sleep.
They are messing with my eyes, too, which look kinda light blue now for like the 1st time this much.
They are messing with my eyes, too, which look kinda light blue now for like the 1st time this much.
Having Sons and Daughters
They said some people would have more/babies but just because they said I did something wrong and it wouldn't be about me as much.
I can't say anything about it, but it sounds like the idea to notice.
How would this new way of doing things affect me? I don't really know how to react but see it could also not go well.
I wonder if they should allow polysexual marriages as an option for people.
Another Association
someone I like and someone else I know
a selfish feeling of pleasure
Disclaimer: I don't mean the person is selfish.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Problem
I think my dad had said that someone I look up to was just selfish sinning pleasure mashed up like wood.
Now, he blames me and say someone else I look up to is boxed up in many boxes with the feeling of selfish pleasure of him moving them.
Disclaimer: I don't mean these people are really selfish at all.
Now, he blames me and say someone else I look up to is boxed up in many boxes with the feeling of selfish pleasure of him moving them.
Disclaimer: I don't mean these people are really selfish at all.
They went crazy.
They said someone said I can't see them soon but because of something and then that they won't do something in a certain way of using it.
I'm sitting here and I don't beg for these things, so if they make up some reason I can't have them then I'm sorta lost.
They are messing with me, too, like I lost some thing I could do and they might not do something.
They keep saying stuff.
They're adding more things.
I didn't do anything. This is not everyone's business.
They're still on about the buffet when I said, "Stop," in the way I hit the trays with the silverware.
They are attacking me physically in important parts.
They are still making noise.
I'm sitting here and I don't beg for these things, so if they make up some reason I can't have them then I'm sorta lost.
They are messing with me, too, like I lost some thing I could do and they might not do something.
They keep saying stuff.
They're adding more things.
I didn't do anything. This is not everyone's business.
They're still on about the buffet when I said, "Stop," in the way I hit the trays with the silverware.
They are attacking me physically in important parts.
They are still making noise.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Taking It Too Far
My mom is saying these people I like with them I deserve nothing and keeps saying things.
Issue
They hurt me whenever I want to Tweet to someone famous and follow them sometimes. You know, they don't Tweet much now, like ammo for some reason that people can read everything they say like it's important they don't be as close to me or something. It does feel suspicious. I have a right to think that. I do wish they would Tweet more happily, but if they aren't happy I guess they wouldn't. I already said I can't tell people like who to pay attention to, and I want what's good for them. I just felt it seemed like something sneaky maybe told to do by Ellen DeGeneres, like a game.
Annoyed
The people watching me in private in my room are being annoyingly hurtful so that I get mad at the way they relay messages from others. I don't know why anyone would interrupt my life annoying me like that when I like them. I'm just upset about what happened at the restaurant. I bet some involved are proud they made someone feel bad in a certain way, tho it was supposedly my fault.
Problem
I don't want to go thru being hurt because I was upset. I was in bed longer. My dad secretly said, "I'll be the time," like I need to be punished. Lots of people do wrong things and they are adults and no one cares about them. I don't think I was all that bad. People were attacking me, getting under my skin, like a stampede.
OK
So, I just woke up. I don't think I'm a bad person. I explained what I did. Go deal with yourself!
I think the fact I said, "Stop," when touching the trays with silverware is what caused people to be ticked off and try to tick me off yet more.
I caught another table looking at me etc. while I ate.
I guess I need to remember even more that people will be meaner to me if I am gooder. I just didn't want that guy to get away with it! I didn't do anything that weird. I sorta followed him and made the little noises. I can't believe how calm, cool, and collected he was with insulting me when I did nothing wrong "yet." He must be passive aggressive.
It was something weird tho and now I have to put up with people thinking I am bad and retreating my relationships.
They just made one of my relationships seem tacky and removed and grouped with others when of my life they have been a great part.
They are making someone talk like someone I knew but piping up in an annoying way, not forming words properly, sounding sleepy, playing it sweet, etc. I guess that's what some people are like. They've done this a lot for awhile.
They have been ruining my capability in how I talk and feel about it at the time at least and then got mad and took something away from a relationship cuz I felt upset. I don't think they had a real reason.
It feels like my life is dysfunctional. It's always, "Stop, drop, and roll," about keeping relationships or not, like if I feel upset or do something rather weird in their opinion.
Some of those judging me actually is unpleasant and provokes me. So, if I am pleasant doesn't mean they are, in a way. It just makes me feel bad.
I am almost done and they made a word stick. They always pipe in like it's Ellen DeGeneres saying what I said doesn't matter if it's about prejudice to me.
I don't wanna put up with this! This is making life hard even more. I don't know what right people have to give me cruel and unusual punishment, tho it's not really in some ways at least. I don't think I'd be arrested. People lied in how they acted about suggesting I did something worse than I did, exaggerating. I think it's cuz my dad does that and was with me. I can't even feel what I done.
So? It feels like I'm not finished here. I decided to try harder to ignore things. I already was doing better at it.
I think the fact I said, "Stop," when touching the trays with silverware is what caused people to be ticked off and try to tick me off yet more.
I caught another table looking at me etc. while I ate.
I guess I need to remember even more that people will be meaner to me if I am gooder. I just didn't want that guy to get away with it! I didn't do anything that weird. I sorta followed him and made the little noises. I can't believe how calm, cool, and collected he was with insulting me when I did nothing wrong "yet." He must be passive aggressive.
It was something weird tho and now I have to put up with people thinking I am bad and retreating my relationships.
They just made one of my relationships seem tacky and removed and grouped with others when of my life they have been a great part.
They are making someone talk like someone I knew but piping up in an annoying way, not forming words properly, sounding sleepy, playing it sweet, etc. I guess that's what some people are like. They've done this a lot for awhile.
They have been ruining my capability in how I talk and feel about it at the time at least and then got mad and took something away from a relationship cuz I felt upset. I don't think they had a real reason.
It feels like my life is dysfunctional. It's always, "Stop, drop, and roll," about keeping relationships or not, like if I feel upset or do something rather weird in their opinion.
Some of those judging me actually is unpleasant and provokes me. So, if I am pleasant doesn't mean they are, in a way. It just makes me feel bad.
I am almost done and they made a word stick. They always pipe in like it's Ellen DeGeneres saying what I said doesn't matter if it's about prejudice to me.
I don't wanna put up with this! This is making life hard even more. I don't know what right people have to give me cruel and unusual punishment, tho it's not really in some ways at least. I don't think I'd be arrested. People lied in how they acted about suggesting I did something worse than I did, exaggerating. I think it's cuz my dad does that and was with me. I can't even feel what I done.
So? It feels like I'm not finished here. I decided to try harder to ignore things. I already was doing better at it.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
What Happened to Me Today
is interesting cuz amid it all I was working on good behavior. Now, this is etched in my history. They must be at me.
What do you think? I thought I mainly arranged when I hit the silverware on the buffet trays I made it say, "Stop." I was just mad at the Spanish guy calling me with "Vietnamese" and sidling off like it doesn't matter. Other people bothered me after that, which I think is gay. So, I kept defending myself. They made it out to be something it wasn't. Of course, I walked differently in the, but it wasn't extremely bad.
What do you think? I thought I mainly arranged when I hit the silverware on the buffet trays I made it say, "Stop." I was just mad at the Spanish guy calling me with "Vietnamese" and sidling off like it doesn't matter. Other people bothered me after that, which I think is gay. So, I kept defending myself. They made it out to be something it wasn't. Of course, I walked differently in the, but it wasn't extremely bad.
Another Problem
My dad made it stimulates right above 2 points like it'll all stimulate up there and he doesn't care.
Onto Me
I was just trying to say stop when I made noise but the stupid people keep having to call me a nigger.
My dad channeled my hand for trash. This was before. Now, he's trying to affect it.
I keep being disappointed. I thought this would go. I think an Asian told on me racially for being like a different race.
They have to bring up other people to me.
Problem
He keeps acting like he's k***ing someone I like.
I just started off kinda pursuing a fat, short Spanish dude who got away with acting like he said and knew I was "even Viet." I had just been concerned about being all white. He came in outta nowhere, too.
People at another table keep looking at me mad like I'm a spectacle.
I just tried to say stop when my silverware hit something.
What's the problem?
My dad lost it.
I try so hard to have a good day.
They just keep threatening my relationships all day.
Secretly Abused
I was upset in a buffet and people caught on.
My dad is getting mad at my mom for it, like a jerk.
They are taking my relationships.
"It's okay to do anything you want to hurt me."
Outside, the cars are saying that I don't get a relationship for good.
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Dear Problems Journal
I am so sorry I am nothing to no one.
I get mad and I worry about my own doings.
Let me just "forget about it," as you command.
I get mad and I worry about my own doings.
Let me just "forget about it," as you command.
Getting Away With It
They had to say I needed a bloody towel and want me to feel very bad about being angry. What? If I can't have a relationship at all for some stupid reason that I didn't ask for a relationship.. They hinted something else, too, I didn't like.
So what if it's true?
I turned you off, I don't care about you (in this situation because it rhymes etc.)
What? I don't want to worry.
Almost 10? No shower?
What? I don't want to worry.
Almost 10? No shower?
Like, who cares?
The people experimenting on me seem like they "don't have a heart." I think that person I like cares about me. If I am off in some big way, I just figure maybe it wasn't important, like someone else the things they did maybe they're not as much to me as before. They might be making fun of me like I think of people like all the time if I like them. They won't let me off in security. I was mad for a reason! I just got home. People put something bad in my throat. It came out, and my mom was just sitting there staring at me bemusedly. I did fine there. What is this? What do you expect? I know already sometimes I do not feel comfortable, and it might not be a racial issue. I know comfortable, I do well and they don't say I did something wrong as much. What happened? People are making fun of me like I'm not all that, like I have some personal issue with my identity. I think I was made to not feel as white, like it had to be some way I didn't like and then they think I shoulda done it. The people experimenting on me are bringing up people a lot when I say it's not a good idea, and then they take them away like they should never be in my life. I just got the feeling they were someone else, too. I'm sorry, but I cannot know to agree with things you say, like fully believing it, like something about race. I just was talking about what could be wrong! I do care. I do not wish to be ugly or something silly like that, but my parents haven't lately lectured the new times into my ears. So, I'm not really pumped with a lotta intelligence. I'm sorry, whatever they said I cannot handle it.
Bad News
When I'm really angry, they are hostile to me forcing someone I like to go out and be mean to me.
I lost something in the relationship, and it's like I just don't have one now in my opinion or so is said at latest as I rest and await some day when I'm not punished soon like right now.
I'm worried, I was already being upset after feeling good. I was mad in my bathroom but I didn't do any really weird things. That's a bad sign for the future. I already lost what I gave up things for. They are meaner when I try to give up some things to focus to not be in trouble again.
No, they were wrong to me and get mad at me for my private thoughts.
I don't know what all this will amount to, but they seem to have hopes for something. They won't leave me alone. They don't want me to get anything of what I want.
They just said no again. I don't know why they said this. They want me to not have my life.
They are messing with me saying I know they were just saying it but because I was upset in the bathroom it's cool to say now I can't really have it.
I don't have a problem. You keep bringing people into my mean family to prove I am no saint. I have a private life, too. Or do I? I'm nice, but you stole something that was mine.
Anything else? I need to get a move on. I already recovered from something, but now it's back to this one thing, me being upset after in the bathroom.
This is an opportunity for me, and you're waving the wand to make me a nigger.
They have no control over their temper nor respect for my lifestyle. They just come in and make noise and move things around.
If you already took something from me, why wouldn't I be upset? I don't even remember how it started. My mom was irritating me. I'm so glad I'm not with her right now. I was upset it felt like they took it. You made me really mad. Why don't you just go and make some little kid mad and see if you can believe in anything?
They said this time it's serious.
They are making it feel like I have an invisible penis.
They are just bothering me!
I lost something in the relationship, and it's like I just don't have one now in my opinion or so is said at latest as I rest and await some day when I'm not punished soon like right now.
I'm worried, I was already being upset after feeling good. I was mad in my bathroom but I didn't do any really weird things. That's a bad sign for the future. I already lost what I gave up things for. They are meaner when I try to give up some things to focus to not be in trouble again.
No, they were wrong to me and get mad at me for my private thoughts.
I don't know what all this will amount to, but they seem to have hopes for something. They won't leave me alone. They don't want me to get anything of what I want.
They just said no again. I don't know why they said this. They want me to not have my life.
They are messing with me saying I know they were just saying it but because I was upset in the bathroom it's cool to say now I can't really have it.
I don't have a problem. You keep bringing people into my mean family to prove I am no saint. I have a private life, too. Or do I? I'm nice, but you stole something that was mine.
Anything else? I need to get a move on. I already recovered from something, but now it's back to this one thing, me being upset after in the bathroom.
This is an opportunity for me, and you're waving the wand to make me a nigger.
They have no control over their temper nor respect for my lifestyle. They just come in and make noise and move things around.
If you already took something from me, why wouldn't I be upset? I don't even remember how it started. My mom was irritating me. I'm so glad I'm not with her right now. I was upset it felt like they took it. You made me really mad. Why don't you just go and make some little kid mad and see if you can believe in anything?
They said this time it's serious.
They are making it feel like I have an invisible penis.
They are just bothering me!
Problem
They are following my grandma, who thinks she has to be mean to me cuz everyone else is.
They just fell the inkling and blurted out anything they want from someone I care about.
I was at church yesterday and felt hurt, and then I couldn't fix it like I was bad. During mass, I felt more creative, and anyone who knew thought I was bad!
They just fell the inkling and blurted out anything they want from someone I care about.
I was at church yesterday and felt hurt, and then I couldn't fix it like I was bad. During mass, I felt more creative, and anyone who knew thought I was bad!
Let's stop to pee again?
They got mad at me because I got surprised someone would tell me to think of someone else during a period of joy and I thought of something a little weird. It's just too bad. I was a surprised, and they were mad.
Friday, October 21, 2016
Problem
So, what, you just say whatever you want about me?
You're mad at me?
They said I was retarded for no good reason. They said it like they meant it. Someone must be different if they just want to blurt out that idea to me cuz if I'm retarded it's not my fault.
What do you think did it.. hm, how interesting.
They just have to hurt me to get by? doesn't sound like it. If someone calls me retarded, I want to know why. I don't care if it's some poor stranger.
Okay, okay, they thought it basically, but it wasn't because I fell on my head. They are just blurting out every thing they can under the sun.
Maybe, the shit involved experimenting on me both made me retarded and I think is retarded in some way, in the way that I saw when I was talked to secretly at school and home and kicked outta my major for supposedly being too shy and that being annoying. What am I? the dirt under the fingernails of the people at my music college? I hear people get by at Harvard flunking out and they don't get kicked out.
Disclaimer: No offense. What if I can't keep up with all their mean messages?
What do you think about the people experimenting on me calling me retarded at a time they think I feel good because of someone else? that just comes to me, too. It's some secret way of being nasty that ends without a fight, just to prove to someone they did it, they were mean to me. If someone on the streets said it, it wouldn't go over well. I can't get away with thinking they are retarded, but I don't think people are just retarded.
What? Should I resign from life since I fell on my head?
I understand some of it is because I probably am, but it's not my fault! That didn't make sense. I think from being mad at people such as Ellen DeGeneres made me physically less sensitive. I have hit my walls and table etc.
I'm sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings cuz it is an issue I am retarded, but they wove it into a bigger message. Why do they keep doing that? Maybe, they don't care about what they do. If I did something, they just be mean to me. It might be something from when I was a child and I was retarded or selfish or cheap. It might be cause I used to make my brother cry so I could cheer him up. He wouldn't respond to me any other way. He didn't know how to walk yet, so he already cried about things. I was 6 years old, I think. My mom wasn't around, but maybe I told her then.
So, what, do you think it's fake calling me retarded or saying something?
They're being mean to me again like just cuz I posted this.
It might be cause I talked about being stupid, but that's not okay to get at me for that! If this experiment weren't, it wouldn't!
I feel a loss, have to practice violin. I have to hobble over to my keyboard and use a metronome on my computer now!
I said I'm sorry, but I didn't get nasty at anyone. I'm sorry I know it's retarded to wonder why you said it, but you said it a certain way.. and when a certain time. I just wanted to post about it! I don't believe it, "Don't say anything to anyone in the world you see in public because you already did something certain in life."
You know they were very assertive.
I'm not for England being in the moment when I'm not in the moment, like staying physical rather than being right, like keeping a conversation flowing aimlessly. It's to the point they hurt other people. I just don't understand some things. Maybe, they are trying to do something and like getting away with being insulting overall.
I think it was desperate, but they aren't talking about it now.
I hope no one minds that I wrote about it. I'm not a Tweeter, so I can post more, as you should.
You're mad at me?
They said I was retarded for no good reason. They said it like they meant it. Someone must be different if they just want to blurt out that idea to me cuz if I'm retarded it's not my fault.
What do you think did it.. hm, how interesting.
They just have to hurt me to get by? doesn't sound like it. If someone calls me retarded, I want to know why. I don't care if it's some poor stranger.
Okay, okay, they thought it basically, but it wasn't because I fell on my head. They are just blurting out every thing they can under the sun.
Maybe, the shit involved experimenting on me both made me retarded and I think is retarded in some way, in the way that I saw when I was talked to secretly at school and home and kicked outta my major for supposedly being too shy and that being annoying. What am I? the dirt under the fingernails of the people at my music college? I hear people get by at Harvard flunking out and they don't get kicked out.
Disclaimer: No offense. What if I can't keep up with all their mean messages?
What do you think about the people experimenting on me calling me retarded at a time they think I feel good because of someone else? that just comes to me, too. It's some secret way of being nasty that ends without a fight, just to prove to someone they did it, they were mean to me. If someone on the streets said it, it wouldn't go over well. I can't get away with thinking they are retarded, but I don't think people are just retarded.
What? Should I resign from life since I fell on my head?
I understand some of it is because I probably am, but it's not my fault! That didn't make sense. I think from being mad at people such as Ellen DeGeneres made me physically less sensitive. I have hit my walls and table etc.
I'm sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings cuz it is an issue I am retarded, but they wove it into a bigger message. Why do they keep doing that? Maybe, they don't care about what they do. If I did something, they just be mean to me. It might be something from when I was a child and I was retarded or selfish or cheap. It might be cause I used to make my brother cry so I could cheer him up. He wouldn't respond to me any other way. He didn't know how to walk yet, so he already cried about things. I was 6 years old, I think. My mom wasn't around, but maybe I told her then.
So, what, do you think it's fake calling me retarded or saying something?
They're being mean to me again like just cuz I posted this.
It might be cause I talked about being stupid, but that's not okay to get at me for that! If this experiment weren't, it wouldn't!
I feel a loss, have to practice violin. I have to hobble over to my keyboard and use a metronome on my computer now!
I said I'm sorry, but I didn't get nasty at anyone. I'm sorry I know it's retarded to wonder why you said it, but you said it a certain way.. and when a certain time. I just wanted to post about it! I don't believe it, "Don't say anything to anyone in the world you see in public because you already did something certain in life."
You know they were very assertive.
I'm not for England being in the moment when I'm not in the moment, like staying physical rather than being right, like keeping a conversation flowing aimlessly. It's to the point they hurt other people. I just don't understand some things. Maybe, they are trying to do something and like getting away with being insulting overall.
I think it was desperate, but they aren't talking about it now.
I hope no one minds that I wrote about it. I'm not a Tweeter, so I can post more, as you should.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
So..
Now, someone I like is supposedly being said as acting how people here act in ways they shouldn't. They aren't tending to acting appropriately and it has unlikable qualities.
I'm being pressured more now and I have to sit here and fight it. The people watching me in private are sending me these mean messages and it makes my body lose control, like the inside is moving or the outside is changing.
They seem to just keep giving me problems. Their messages come with pain.
I'm being pressured more now and I have to sit here and fight it. The people watching me in private are sending me these mean messages and it makes my body lose control, like the inside is moving or the outside is changing.
They seem to just keep giving me problems. Their messages come with pain.
Why?
They keep being mean to me like I'm bad and telling me people who are important to me have something bad to say.
Every day, they agitate some part of me physically, usually more than a couple times. It feels uglier or more messed up.
Every time they say something bad, they act like it's okay cuz you can always find some good in what it's related to.
Every day, they agitate some part of me physically, usually more than a couple times. It feels uglier or more messed up.
Every time they say something bad, they act like it's okay cuz you can always find some good in what it's related to.
Bothered
People keep making me out like I'm bad. They said that I owe it to everyone in the world because they are too scared to confront the people who they feel supposedly ruined their life cuz they're not the sacred little baby of the world.
The people experimenting on me are getting in the way of my relationships.
I know my life seems to have a lotta weird decisions to make and I don't always know the right ones. So what? Why pick on me?
The people experimenting on me are getting in the way of my relationships.
I know my life seems to have a lotta weird decisions to make and I don't always know the right ones. So what? Why pick on me?
Problems
What's wrong with the people experimenting on me making someone I like seem to send mean messages?
Also, they are still on about my getting mad at someone for awhile after all the cars roared past me saying the name of someone else. I sorta lost it. I had been already. May be the rides at the festival I went on. I'm sorry about the person doing this but not the people experimenting on me bothering me.
They think they can do whatever they want to me that's mean and that it's just fate. It's not fate to run out in the middle of a street and get a car to run over you. Disclaimer: For weird people out there, no, I don't mean anything bad in what I say.
Did you know sometimes, the Save button blinks a few times in a row?
Also, they are still on about my getting mad at someone for awhile after all the cars roared past me saying the name of someone else. I sorta lost it. I had been already. May be the rides at the festival I went on. I'm sorry about the person doing this but not the people experimenting on me bothering me.
They think they can do whatever they want to me that's mean and that it's just fate. It's not fate to run out in the middle of a street and get a car to run over you. Disclaimer: For weird people out there, no, I don't mean anything bad in what I say.
Did you know sometimes, the Save button blinks a few times in a row?
Still Here
Ellen DeGeneres? Doing things against my will? Did she tell people to send me a message for her to ruin my life? If she likes me, she likes her audience better and likes to bug me. I'm one of a kind, so I don't fit in the crowd. I stopped watching probably mostly so I wouldn't get caught up in her thinking I watch every show.
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
If you’re under thirty, you’re welcome. https://t.co/7lFyhODJBa— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) October 19, 2016
I can deal with whatever is a problem to me. The internet is free to use.
This is not some joke. I am not in trouble. I didn't intentionally do anything wrong.
Ellen DeGeneres the Puppet Master
Now, someone else has to act like they are in on my relationships like I don't have any.
They can't change their minds.
I wrote something a little weird to a celebrity on Twitter once, in their opinion.
Problems
I was influenced by some weird boys that someone I like said to do something mean to me, and I felt upset. However, now, they say I can't have that relationship. Gimme a break! Look at all the pains I go thru to cope with this stress. I deserve to win it in the end. I don't want backlash, neither.
Everyone, all these cars blew the name of someone else to me as I went home, and my head feels drained out.
I was just thinking about something that bothered me that someone did that stole my relationship. Then, I get this. I didn't do anything! And my head is drained! How can this be?
Everyone, all these cars blew the name of someone else to me as I went home, and my head feels drained out.
I was just thinking about something that bothered me that someone did that stole my relationship. Then, I get this. I didn't do anything! And my head is drained! How can this be?
Keeping Tabs
(1) Why is it considered good to work to be silent or too lazy to say anything? That's not always necessarily progressive.
(2) People keep flipping me off like my relationships with others disappeared for good when they come into contact with each other.
(3) They are kinda suggesting I hog attention and making it seem that way.
(4) People keep going crazy thinking they have to instantly "fix" other people over me, like that really works. In that regard, I feel hindrances that used to not exist.
Sorry if anything sounds bad.
(2) People keep flipping me off like my relationships with others disappeared for good when they come into contact with each other.
(3) They are kinda suggesting I hog attention and making it seem that way.
(4) People keep going crazy thinking they have to instantly "fix" other people over me, like that really works. In that regard, I feel hindrances that used to not exist.
Sorry if anything sounds bad.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Something's bothering me.
Someone I like is being weird to me, supposedly. Everyone keeps telling me that. They took away something special I had and handed it out to others, like it's more natural and comfortable with them. Ha! Supposedly. It kinda disturbs me. What should I do? It was mine. I can't live with this.
Worried
Someone might be punishing me but doesn't have to or the people experimenting on me are really mean and lame. Did you see how far this went? I'm up to someone else for no reason. I can think what I want about people ruining my life. I will not submit to this. This has gone too far.
They want me to bow down to younger people! I don't know why this problem is resurfacing.
Now, they think that person needs to be stimulated, but they are the ones that made this happen.
Why do they keep doing things to me!?
Cooky Secret Messages
Why are people telling me shit about people I like saying bad things to me when I'm not with them?
More than one person acted like they committed the same deed.
More than one person acted like they committed the same deed.
Another Message
It was reiterated I was to be closer to someone else when I'm thinking of someone else. Supposedly, it has to be someone I like said it.
What?
They said someone I like was being sharp with me, saying what I said implied something they don't even notice when I say, how gay to say with us it's this way.
So, what's wrong? What the fuck do you people think about? I actually have posted on a blog in public.
No, I already said I disagree with what's wrong. I thought everyone did. What are you guys averting explaining? Why are you the ones starting these useless conversations?
You just sit there and then you blurt out something.
My dad keeps positioning himself like someone in my life matters over me who otherwise is unattached to my life, several people do. Like someone I like cares about them, instead, like they need the attention from everyone I'm in a relationship with.
What is this, I'm not English! I don't have to "keep the feeling going" rather than actually understanding something important to me essentially. Not that people I meet from England are like that. Look, I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not mean to people. You people can be how you want, just don't hurt anyone etc. No one will stop this! What, you wanna go thru the bad parts of my life? They are punishing me as I blog this! I was trying to innocently figure this out, and I got attacked.
So, what's wrong? What the fuck do you people think about? I actually have posted on a blog in public.
No, I already said I disagree with what's wrong. I thought everyone did. What are you guys averting explaining? Why are you the ones starting these useless conversations?
You just sit there and then you blurt out something.
My dad keeps positioning himself like someone in my life matters over me who otherwise is unattached to my life, several people do. Like someone I like cares about them, instead, like they need the attention from everyone I'm in a relationship with.
What is this, I'm not English! I don't have to "keep the feeling going" rather than actually understanding something important to me essentially. Not that people I meet from England are like that. Look, I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not mean to people. You people can be how you want, just don't hurt anyone etc. No one will stop this! What, you wanna go thru the bad parts of my life? They are punishing me as I blog this! I was trying to innocently figure this out, and I got attacked.
Question
What do you think about people comforting people who I notice are mean or something? While I am treated so harshly and fend for myself, or people get jealous of my peaceful childhood? It seems before I can say anything worth anything that I will lose all the love I had. Disclaimer, no offense to anyone suggested. Why is someone getting affection based on me losing it? I'm used to being open to share, but in reality it supposedly wasn't necessary, tho I think it is to some now. It seems suspicious how elevated it is for others if I say something that they unnecessarily find offensive. I can't remember what it was, tho. I should remember sharing when it wasn't like cursing at me in punishment. People don't want to make a fool of themselves, but they get back at me by making me look bad, in the end. This is important. There are many people in the world. People are pointing fingers at me, like the perverted ones. It's racism.
Issue
I want to figure out what is right and not listen to these people just because "they already said it."
I thought something, and supposedly since they know they are applying weird British rules of socialization. Other people can hate on me. They think since they were mean to people like someone that they can just dump all the blame on me after all these years of me being polite. It's like their racism, they think they just have something unspoken that makes them better, like an aura, a spark, or something inside of them. It's really tacky and annoying. So, they are saying if all these bad people simply were mistreated that it's time to come out and say nice people like me need to deal with their *beep* as though someone has to be the true bad guy under it all but not the people who were dubbed as in trouble for things before. Why not just accept everyone?
I wonder if they think I came out bad and other people came out good, tho it may be because they stopped having people bother them. Then, they thought it was in me to be bad all along, like I was a puppet. If I was a puppet before, I am a puppet now.
Other people I have been friendly to to what I can considering my mixed race are stealing my relationships. Why can't they just have a relationship, too, and not steal what others have? Is everyone offset the same interests and only some people seemed like that on the outside all along?
Did you know sometimes a lotta people are hot who aren't skinny as rails, too? Like, the people you replace me with?
Why are people saying I am bad to begin with? No one "beat" me. They just want me punished. They probably aren't even treating others right or are just spoiling others I know. Who knows if it could end before I die. I don't have a life. I don't have like an "attaboy" and don't have work. I'm just a sloth in the rainforest.
So, I'm sorry, what precisely did you fine tune about my private thoughts? Every time someone looks bad, I get in trouble. I simply am not all there. People don't want to listen to me, esp. if I seem unpopular from past relationships they don't even know about. They want me to like kill myself or something, it seems in a way.
Why am I in trouble about someone else who does not wish to have to do with my life anything but taking my relationships? It is something people do in general. Why not let me still or later have my relationships, too, and then they have one, as well? My idea was already that it's important that it's about everyone, not just me and my relationships. See, you weren't ready. I'm right, you're wrong. Admit that. I know it's what's wrong. People "let it out" when something was going for me, tried to make me seem bad. So, why is other people a threat? How, anyway? Everyone thinks it's like a football game to see me lose in my relationships. What about all the mean things people think about me?
I thought something, and supposedly since they know they are applying weird British rules of socialization. Other people can hate on me. They think since they were mean to people like someone that they can just dump all the blame on me after all these years of me being polite. It's like their racism, they think they just have something unspoken that makes them better, like an aura, a spark, or something inside of them. It's really tacky and annoying. So, they are saying if all these bad people simply were mistreated that it's time to come out and say nice people like me need to deal with their *beep* as though someone has to be the true bad guy under it all but not the people who were dubbed as in trouble for things before. Why not just accept everyone?
I wonder if they think I came out bad and other people came out good, tho it may be because they stopped having people bother them. Then, they thought it was in me to be bad all along, like I was a puppet. If I was a puppet before, I am a puppet now.
Other people I have been friendly to to what I can considering my mixed race are stealing my relationships. Why can't they just have a relationship, too, and not steal what others have? Is everyone offset the same interests and only some people seemed like that on the outside all along?
Did you know sometimes a lotta people are hot who aren't skinny as rails, too? Like, the people you replace me with?
Why are people saying I am bad to begin with? No one "beat" me. They just want me punished. They probably aren't even treating others right or are just spoiling others I know. Who knows if it could end before I die. I don't have a life. I don't have like an "attaboy" and don't have work. I'm just a sloth in the rainforest.
So, I'm sorry, what precisely did you fine tune about my private thoughts? Every time someone looks bad, I get in trouble. I simply am not all there. People don't want to listen to me, esp. if I seem unpopular from past relationships they don't even know about. They want me to like kill myself or something, it seems in a way.
Why am I in trouble about someone else who does not wish to have to do with my life anything but taking my relationships? It is something people do in general. Why not let me still or later have my relationships, too, and then they have one, as well? My idea was already that it's important that it's about everyone, not just me and my relationships. See, you weren't ready. I'm right, you're wrong. Admit that. I know it's what's wrong. People "let it out" when something was going for me, tried to make me seem bad. So, why is other people a threat? How, anyway? Everyone thinks it's like a football game to see me lose in my relationships. What about all the mean things people think about me?
Did you know..
..things were going good? It was cuz I spoke in a low voice when my dad perked up to take me somewhere after looking cross, knew I'd be hurt by his driving.
Why doesn't it matter to some people..
..like ones who are popular, if my dad is wrong to me just to test me out to be like his mama? and if something slips my mind it's over or "should be?"
What? I never said I was stuck to my family after high school. Why am I being cheated out? I'm not such a bad person.
What? I never said I was stuck to my family after high school. Why am I being cheated out? I'm not such a bad person.
Grr/*Beep*
I'm tired of "sharing" all my relationships with other people in my life, like I owe dirt.
Who's business am I, anyway?
People think I'm crazy. At college, I threw my backpack when I was mad, maybe not something weird to most people. I already thought my life was an experiment etc. There were loud, annoying noises by people pulling down the back door from a truck, and it hurt a lot. They seemed mad at me. That's where that must have started. I know I was lost, kicked outta my life's work.
Just went out..
They keep picking at me for how I feel when I am slighted.
My dad was driving like mad making me feel like someone tacky I saw on Full House.
We walked into Taco Bell, and people were looking at me already. The cashier seemed sarcastic, and it bothered me she had to feel that way tho not staring nor looking at me. I was upset. Earlier, while my dad was romping around with the car, he exposed his hand and I thought it seemed scratched. I thought of a certain word about some people, and that was it for him. I was upset at people in the restaurant.
I was on a good streak, and now they are blaming someone I like when they are the ones making the rules, as tho the people I like would do that to someone/me.
So, what? Was it the think with the cashier? I just felt uncomfortable. I was like looking at her sometimes, I guess, maybe wondering what was going on. I was looking at the menu. You know, it's not quite the experience eating out in these places for me.
They keep telling me mean stuff like what I can't have.
My dad was driving like mad making me feel like someone tacky I saw on Full House.
We walked into Taco Bell, and people were looking at me already. The cashier seemed sarcastic, and it bothered me she had to feel that way tho not staring nor looking at me. I was upset. Earlier, while my dad was romping around with the car, he exposed his hand and I thought it seemed scratched. I thought of a certain word about some people, and that was it for him. I was upset at people in the restaurant.
I was on a good streak, and now they are blaming someone I like when they are the ones making the rules, as tho the people I like would do that to someone/me.
So, what? Was it the think with the cashier? I just felt uncomfortable. I was like looking at her sometimes, I guess, maybe wondering what was going on. I was looking at the menu. You know, it's not quite the experience eating out in these places for me.
They keep telling me mean stuff like what I can't have.
Problems
They keep saying I did something new as a problem or are just hacking at me for an old issue. They keep being mean to me. I wake up fresh every day, and I'm in trouble. I want to blank my mind out and not get out of bed.
They are a disappointment..
They gave a subtle ear into understanding they "cannot love me" but give what is mine to someone else.
There was more I forget.
I was wondering if someone would give me a ride, and my dad is mean and negative to me and he perked up, excited but to torture me in the ride cuz he's always mean to me. It came across that way. I think he was looking for me to perk up to his torturing me. He was so adamant but in general cross. I don't know why, guess it's nice he's excited, but don't most dads like to bug their daughters and cancel out their original dreams?
People keep opening me up and "including" my dad. What if your dad was involved every time you did things with others? I am not my dad! He sorta doesn't converse the way I do. I don't want my life to slowly go downhill.
Also, why is my aunt in my life like this, "punishing" me thru secret message? She keeps feeling she has to ruin something, and people listen. I don't. This is serious. I don't think even my therapist understands and doesn't fix it. You know, I don't see what the big deal really must be. It is like she does it, and then it's like she doesn't. It's a big game with her and others like Ellen DeGeneres playing tug a war. Ellen DeGeneres acts like it's not okay to talk to her and maybe others, but then I find she is only using them against me! Is this true?
My dad must be excited to see my mom and I so he can slowly put us down more and more. That's what they do at church here, and they pick on us for liking the pastor.
So, childless people like my aunt and Ellen DeGeneres keep being mean to me.
Disclaimer: I mean no offense. I'm concerned for my life. If people want to talk to someone else innocently is fine with me. I guess I am worried they do it with a hating spirit for me from those I like. I'm sorry about the people I mentioned, but that's what I was getting as a message. So, this post went off with the problem I had for my dad from talking about how they are actually messing around listening to my grandma that they should make other people closer to those I like just to hurt me. It's been awhile, and I have no promise for the future for sure that this will stop soon like it matters. The problems just go on! Why does this keep being so degenerate!? My life is shit like this! Yea, there's another idea in this post to post about.
They are a disappointment..
They gave a subtle ear into understanding they "cannot love me" but give what is mine to someone else.
There was more I forget.
I was wondering if someone would give me a ride, and my dad is mean and negative to me and he perked up, excited but to torture me in the ride cuz he's always mean to me. It came across that way. I think he was looking for me to perk up to his torturing me. He was so adamant but in general cross. I don't know why, guess it's nice he's excited, but don't most dads like to bug their daughters and cancel out their original dreams?
People keep opening me up and "including" my dad. What if your dad was involved every time you did things with others? I am not my dad! He sorta doesn't converse the way I do. I don't want my life to slowly go downhill.
Also, why is my aunt in my life like this, "punishing" me thru secret message? She keeps feeling she has to ruin something, and people listen. I don't. This is serious. I don't think even my therapist understands and doesn't fix it. You know, I don't see what the big deal really must be. It is like she does it, and then it's like she doesn't. It's a big game with her and others like Ellen DeGeneres playing tug a war. Ellen DeGeneres acts like it's not okay to talk to her and maybe others, but then I find she is only using them against me! Is this true?
My dad must be excited to see my mom and I so he can slowly put us down more and more. That's what they do at church here, and they pick on us for liking the pastor.
So, childless people like my aunt and Ellen DeGeneres keep being mean to me.
Disclaimer: I mean no offense. I'm concerned for my life. If people want to talk to someone else innocently is fine with me. I guess I am worried they do it with a hating spirit for me from those I like. I'm sorry about the people I mentioned, but that's what I was getting as a message. So, this post went off with the problem I had for my dad from talking about how they are actually messing around listening to my grandma that they should make other people closer to those I like just to hurt me. It's been awhile, and I have no promise for the future for sure that this will stop soon like it matters. The problems just go on! Why does this keep being so degenerate!? My life is shit like this! Yea, there's another idea in this post to post about.
They said I did something.
It sounds like people know things that I am not feeling good about what they are doing knowing or knowing itself in ways.
Well, they said I am not good because I am not submitting that I am bad and am confused about how to react, with them watching! So, what did I do? I feel like I'm being tested in private. I don't think I come with a problem. They didn't do this before.
I just feel like they are saying because of this I am bad or did something. It results in me not getting attention in a certain way and worrying about what I did, when I did nothing wrong in reality. I do not wish to listen to weird things they say are from my dad, my aunt, my grandma.. They are not right.
Well, they said I am not good because I am not submitting that I am bad and am confused about how to react, with them watching! So, what did I do? I feel like I'm being tested in private. I don't think I come with a problem. They didn't do this before.
I just feel like they are saying because of this I am bad or did something. It results in me not getting attention in a certain way and worrying about what I did, when I did nothing wrong in reality. I do not wish to listen to weird things they say are from my dad, my aunt, my grandma.. They are not right.
Problems
They keep acting like they are either really or pretending messing around saying that to me people are not real, not who they are. Supposedly, someone I like did this, and this makes no sense. It just keeps coming, now. Whatever it is, it has come to this. I don't find it funny. I don't think I matter less than others. They pretty much are set in their ways of bad.
Supposedly, someone I like is saying bad things about/to me sometimes, and I guess that means they just misjudge me. Maybe it's age difference.
I have not done anything to anyone, but I am held up to strange expectations.
You might think it is not bad cuz they never are, but there were other things that were hard to cope with.
I see people can think for me and say I was never ready for anything better and never to catch me at the right time into changing into a better life maybe.. strange how I've been treated and what I've gone thru.
No offense, but I don't see myself as a bad person cuz I'm short and fat. It's like ballet, they knock you out if you're no good. I may not be ready for what others are.. but you know I think we always have fast food when we eat out cuz Ellen DeGeneres says, cuz I used to get upset at people singling me out and acting like I'm a "nigger" when I ate out etc. No one tried to be nice to me. They didn't matter if that's what they thought. I don't know if I did anything illegal in front of others. I don't exactly remember what all my bad reactions were. I'm also on psychotic pills I don't need which gave me diabetes. I know I also have high cholesterol and take pills. I don't take any shots for diabetes but was told I might need to later. I can't believe how heavy I look I know since the festival.
Disclaimer: No offense to anyone. I just noticed people have some complication and it has lead to this or someone I like thinks I need to be punished harshly or out of the relationship eventually maybe.
Anyway, so how could I lose weight with problems, some my responsibility I did not get into, with problems like this? My parents make me take the pills. I do notice lotta people judge weight, too, regardless of theirs. What is food for, anyway? I've not gotten to be very skinny long, but in some ways I seemed so sometimes. Why is this being decided for me like this? I was skinnier before too but ran into some trouble.
I think they said someone else I liked would have something to say, too, that's a tough situation that involves me they can manipulate, like I did something tho. People forget about me and suggest other things. I'm being tested, too, to not think some thing they thought and are pressuring me with. It's making me insane. It's not my thought.
Why is someone I like supposedly harboring deep, dark feelings against me? Like, who does that?
They may have a good message about something, but I'm still here and have to deal with it. I can kinda seem to tell it's Ellen DeGeneres. She shouldn't be in charge of things, like that. I don't know I can trust anyone "to be there for me." I mean, everything has 2 sides it seems. So, I'm not upset "about the good thing." I just feel I can't count on anything I'm doing.
Disclaimer: I don't wanna fight. I'm just wondering if this is really happening. Why tell me I don't deserve to know who real people really are? It's happening right and left. It seems like a joke for someone/others. I don't think it's okay like it doesn't matter, but other people have it good supposedly in this. I hope the length of this post does not offend. I do it to be careful and be sincere. It may be weird but hopefully not bad.
I wish I didn't feel inclined to post this, but it seems dangerous, like I owe people things for things I didn't make a bargain for.
Supposedly, someone I like is saying bad things about/to me sometimes, and I guess that means they just misjudge me. Maybe it's age difference.
I have not done anything to anyone, but I am held up to strange expectations.
You might think it is not bad cuz they never are, but there were other things that were hard to cope with.
I see people can think for me and say I was never ready for anything better and never to catch me at the right time into changing into a better life maybe.. strange how I've been treated and what I've gone thru.
No offense, but I don't see myself as a bad person cuz I'm short and fat. It's like ballet, they knock you out if you're no good. I may not be ready for what others are.. but you know I think we always have fast food when we eat out cuz Ellen DeGeneres says, cuz I used to get upset at people singling me out and acting like I'm a "nigger" when I ate out etc. No one tried to be nice to me. They didn't matter if that's what they thought. I don't know if I did anything illegal in front of others. I don't exactly remember what all my bad reactions were. I'm also on psychotic pills I don't need which gave me diabetes. I know I also have high cholesterol and take pills. I don't take any shots for diabetes but was told I might need to later. I can't believe how heavy I look I know since the festival.
Disclaimer: No offense to anyone. I just noticed people have some complication and it has lead to this or someone I like thinks I need to be punished harshly or out of the relationship eventually maybe.
Anyway, so how could I lose weight with problems, some my responsibility I did not get into, with problems like this? My parents make me take the pills. I do notice lotta people judge weight, too, regardless of theirs. What is food for, anyway? I've not gotten to be very skinny long, but in some ways I seemed so sometimes. Why is this being decided for me like this? I was skinnier before too but ran into some trouble.
I think they said someone else I liked would have something to say, too, that's a tough situation that involves me they can manipulate, like I did something tho. People forget about me and suggest other things. I'm being tested, too, to not think some thing they thought and are pressuring me with. It's making me insane. It's not my thought.
Why is someone I like supposedly harboring deep, dark feelings against me? Like, who does that?
They may have a good message about something, but I'm still here and have to deal with it. I can kinda seem to tell it's Ellen DeGeneres. She shouldn't be in charge of things, like that. I don't know I can trust anyone "to be there for me." I mean, everything has 2 sides it seems. So, I'm not upset "about the good thing." I just feel I can't count on anything I'm doing.
Disclaimer: I don't wanna fight. I'm just wondering if this is really happening. Why tell me I don't deserve to know who real people really are? It's happening right and left. It seems like a joke for someone/others. I don't think it's okay like it doesn't matter, but other people have it good supposedly in this. I hope the length of this post does not offend. I do it to be careful and be sincere. It may be weird but hopefully not bad.
I wish I didn't feel inclined to post this, but it seems dangerous, like I owe people things for things I didn't make a bargain for.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Sunday, October 16, 2016
You know..
..I was lying on my sofa when I woke up dreading going out to eat, but this was not something I could expect.
What's there to understand?
Should I be sorry and thankful? I was mad they kept like averting their eyes telling me in secret message that someone I like has a dirty message for me. It doesn't stop! It's constant! I just feel that it's causing me to be out-of-place. They keep tagging along, tho, as tho I did something wrong in the past and now to be upset.
Oh well, I may be sorry in some way, but I guess it's too late or just is something for me to feel forgiven, tho it was not a calculated anger. I still disapprove, but I guess that's how everyone is.
Oh well, I may be sorry in some way, but I guess it's too late or just is something for me to feel forgiven, tho it was not a calculated anger. I still disapprove, but I guess that's how everyone is.
Now, I'm sad.
I shouldn't have gotten into such a habit as to set my stuff down when upset. I tell you I lose it when I get out there, but what they did was not okay.
They keep doing mean things to mean something that's not as mean like a joke after I think about it. That was miserable, no denying, tho.
I just feel out of place.
I don't feel like I deserve this.
They keep doing mean things to mean something that's not as mean like a joke after I think about it. That was miserable, no denying, tho.
I just feel out of place.
I don't feel like I deserve this.
Queers
I'm just a normal person, and they are saying I made them do what they do.
They keep bringing up relationships to pick on them, like they are there to help but in the end just make fun of me.
I dunno, but maybe I should just write my problems here, but, I dunno, I deal with stuff, too.
They keep bringing up relationships to pick on them, like they are there to help but in the end just make fun of me.
I dunno, but maybe I should just write my problems here, but, I dunno, I deal with stuff, too.
Problems
I wanted to go out to eat but knew my parents would be in the living vicinity bothering me. It's worse than an apartment.
The people experimenting on me kept insisting I could not have something to do with a relationship.
My mom kept kicking at the floor for so long, like she was someone I like like she was just telling me what that person said. I was upset at them being awkward. So, it was like she was kicking the floor like 30 times beating me up, like a slasher film, like I could not have something.
They are always mean, saying I owe "payback" for being imperfect.
This time, I had just been saying, "No," in my head to my dad being mean to me while he was driving me.
I'm also worried cuz I put my spoon down thinking, "Get out," when I thought this might be okay in the end cuz it helped counter something I did that people didn't like.
Gone Too Far
They are trying to hypnotize me in a mean way cuz when I typed something I was upset. My dad upset my hand while he drove.
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Like I Said
It's too bad. I just goofed up my thinking being pressured. I don't use "new" rules to break old ones that work that everyone knows is right. It's just people competing for attention and generation-wise.
On Purpose
My dad brought up a relationship to ruin my weekend and make it look a way he does not approve.
Update
Page - General Studies
- Ellen DeGeneres really made my relatives mean and acted like she had my cousin have a baby. I lost control, my cousin was not present, and ended up saying "yew" to my aunt concerning my cousin because I was mad Ellen DeGeneres supposedly did it as a joke. Now, people keep pretending I'm the one who's mistreated my cousin in any way all along.
- Ellen DeGeneres really made my relatives mean and acted like she had my cousin have a baby. I lost control, my cousin was not present, and ended up saying "yew" to my aunt concerning my cousin because I was mad Ellen DeGeneres supposedly did it as a joke. Now, people keep pretending I'm the one who's mistreated my cousin in any way all along.
Same Old Rules
They think if something made me post here a lot and it was a person I can't have a relationship I like. Someone stop this. This made me lose something in a relationship that's important, too.
Who do you think you are?
This is terribly wrong. I don't have such superstitions. You all just can't stop talking to me. If I thought you did, you didn't. I liked it without me punished for no reason, but maybe it's too much. My dad's father died from things like drinking. Do you think my dad is messed up? Who is supplying the other problems? My dad thinks whatever feels natural should be done brainlessly. I don't do that.
Friday, October 14, 2016
I'm very disturbed.
by my dad freaking me out about like keep on like saying parting ways of my relationship and blaming me for wanting to ignore him each time, like I was on something too long.
A Dirty Secret
They do things like load the page to shock me, and some part of my body feels like someone else's, like my toes, someone.
So, guys, what am I gonna do?
When my dad nags at me, he acts like he didn't mean it but I'm still at his mercy for seeming to say the same thing in my head every time he did it, like to "stop" and so it happened a lot.
Problem
Someone nice is having their fair share of being mean to me it sounds like, and that seems dangerous. They keep having things be about things .. that are payback for something that if it bothers them like that seems like something I shouldn't have to worry about anymore.
I can see what they did, but it didn't have to happen.
..and how does it make sense to make life miserable and lie and say you're bad to get others to get away when you are putting yourself up to what you don't believe in or maybe you do.
I can see what they did, but it didn't have to happen.
..and how does it make sense to make life miserable and lie and say you're bad to get others to get away when you are putting yourself up to what you don't believe in or maybe you do.
Something Big for My Dad
I just acted like I didn't want him to take my relationship. I feel he was nagging at me more and more, and I just wanted to quit it with him. Now, it's a big deal. I do not need to be restrained socially!
Don't listen to bad people when you don't have to.
They are not competent to lead as people. If you listen to them when you don't have to, then that's bad and things will get bad.
I don't know why people are telling me I'm overly certain ways just to dump me.
I don't know why people are telling me I'm overly certain ways just to dump me.
Problems
My dad secretly said, "I said I wasn't doing it," in a slow-seeming, tacky way. He keeps nagging at my relationships. Then, I see everyone listen to him. He acts like he doesn't do it, but I think he does now. It's impossible with him. Sorry to say, but in a way it's like he shouldn't be in my life at this time.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Someone Hurt
I think someone is hurt in relation to me cuz I was upset in my past while being brought to mind something to do with them. People are superstitious about me.
Hypnotized to Hate Me
Ellen DeGeneres is going around telling people they are bad that if they know me they have a good opinion of me. I cursed about hurtful, illegal noises she put in my room. I probably did other bad things, but this was the big thing supposedly. It was a long time, months. She probably hurts me every day.
Problem
My dad was nice to me, and I feel like I am upset with him for being mean now, and that made him even more mad. He is enforcing I don't get something from people I like like it's any of his business. My mom was taking pleasure in saying I don't get someone who has some umph against these criminal people. "Oh, you don't 'need' your relationships."
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Update
Page - General Problems
- When I was upset in my room and hitting my sofa or punching bag, they brought up something and since I did not stop they said I could not have it and it was like the most important thing to me and my own private business, too. The people who gave it to me won't do it, anymore. Things are not going to be the same now.
- When I was upset in my room and hitting my sofa or punching bag, they brought up something and since I did not stop they said I could not have it and it was like the most important thing to me and my own private business, too. The people who gave it to me won't do it, anymore. Things are not going to be the same now.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Here's 1 thing I know.
My dad likes this nagging at me all the time.
Other people just feel sorry for him.
Other people just feel sorry for him.
Like Whiny Babies or 2-year-old Brats
People spying on me pretending that someone I like wants to send me a negative message.
I feel a nagging, like I'm worried about something I shouldn't be.
I'm sorry, but it went thru my head that it was someone else and I kept thinking it. It's most dramatic that way, but I do not mean it to them.
I feel unsafe.
Someone is ..supposedly.. mad at me. Everyone is making me feel bad. I've already got lotsa people against me. Why? If people like me and I don't have problems, why make my life not work out? Are you just sad you are taller than me? It's usually the prestigious people who turn me away for no reason, like they were contacted in advanced and it's planned that way. I can't live like this. That's what I live for, kinda, or one big thing.
Update / Edit
Page - General Problems
Supposedly.. Someone I like thought I was mean in being weird a little on Twitter looking at a famous person's Twitter and Tweeting them. I don't know how, but it keeps coming back to haunt me.
Supposedly.. Someone I like thought I was mean in being weird a little on Twitter looking at a famous person's Twitter and Tweeting them. I don't know how, but it keeps coming back to haunt me.
Lies
I feel very upset myself that this could happen to me.
They are lying saying I did something that otherwise I'd have it back.
I have a legitimate reason to be disturbed and didn't do anything bad. They are playing with what I think, but I didn't say it. It wasn't even really a bad attack on my part considering. I'm not gonna sit here and accept it. I'm not gonna let it float by, neither.
Help, I feel really attacked. Give it to me now. I'm not gonna be quiet necessarily for too long like I am waiting for something I probably won't get in the way I want. See, it's just a game. You know, I don't care. I just don't like how they are telling people what to do. If they aren't, I've got something to tend to.
Help! I can't think perfectly, and they are attacking me for it. They keep watching me. They can't figure it out. They are going in and making sure I never feel any satisfaction with my feelings.
They are lying saying I did something that otherwise I'd have it back.
I have a legitimate reason to be disturbed and didn't do anything bad. They are playing with what I think, but I didn't say it. It wasn't even really a bad attack on my part considering. I'm not gonna sit here and accept it. I'm not gonna let it float by, neither.
Help, I feel really attacked. Give it to me now. I'm not gonna be quiet necessarily for too long like I am waiting for something I probably won't get in the way I want. See, it's just a game. You know, I don't care. I just don't like how they are telling people what to do. If they aren't, I've got something to tend to.
Help! I can't think perfectly, and they are attacking me for it. They keep watching me. They can't figure it out. They are going in and making sure I never feel any satisfaction with my feelings.
How Worthless an Experience
People I like are skirting around acting like I can't have something, tho they are supposedly nice people.
Depressing
They keep getting me down. I have things to do, like get around to practicing violin without procrastinating so long.
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Problem
I was resting on a thought of "what if" as to why people are mean to me like I'm not okay but not to someone else. Now, people think I was trying to pierce them with my lingering on a hurtful thought. It really is an important topic if I matter. I just didn't wanna come off it like I'm gay and I can't just sorta take a break or something after I guess rather than act like I'm in some game in what or how I try to think with people hurting me secretly. I'm sorry if it was wrong, and I know they don't care if I am. I just can't think when I'm bothered, like anyone, and have it come out like I mean. I feel stifled. I wasn't talking to anyone. I was trying to think how I should but guess I should have thought more Mickey Mouse so people would understand who have telapathy.
Problem
The people watching me think they are in the right to snap at me on how my computer loads and are now mad I was holding in myself mostly but guess I forget and let it out but didn't ruin anything. They think I have to be sucking up to them and won't leave me be sexually, with that sill aura like death surrounding me.
Saturday, October 8, 2016
Update
New Page - General Problems
- They keep mimicking me like I'm submitting to them.
- Supposedly.. Someone I like thought I was mean in being weird a little on Facebook looking at a famous person's Twitter and Tweeting them. Now, they are holding them above me. It's a relationship I like, and they programmed my strong relationship to be under that of someone else.
- They keep mimicking me like I'm submitting to them.
- Supposedly.. Someone I like thought I was mean in being weird a little on Facebook looking at a famous person's Twitter and Tweeting them. Now, they are holding them above me. It's a relationship I like, and they programmed my strong relationship to be under that of someone else.
Bombarded to Be Tricked
People I'm visiting solidified the memory of thinking I was suddenly bad feeling upset about a message I got for no reason this morning. It has to do with a person and me supposedly just having to feel worse. It involves people I like, too. Supposedly, it's a real issue.
I got some suggestive messages, too. I had my earplugs on and had a hard time.
I just got mindlessly threatened that I lose something forever in a relationship by my dad.
Problems
My dad is trying to be too close now and silly.
The ride home could be miserable.
He just keeps getting worse.
He did something special and for awhile and is getting creative thinking he can overcome me. He is acting like I was mean to someone in the other post.
People keep treating me like they know I'm shit.
Now, something else I need was affected.
He said I can't have something by someone else very hurtfully.
He started affecting me more sexually.
People are threatening my relationships.
Everyone thinks I did something to someone I like.
My dad was apologetic to take it back when I was still just a bit upset.
Somehow, he messed with something important physically about me.
My aunt seems to have something on me. Ellen DeGeneres had her be mean and I was upset once.
They are threatening my relationships.
My dad won't stop rocking the car back and forth.
He keeps trying to ruin me in how he drives.
He thinks I did something.
He thinks I was talking to him wondering why people are mass mimicking someone. They are threatening my healthy connections. My dad displayed it in a mean way.
He keeps acting like someone else told him to do it.
He did more mean messages.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)