Something Wrong With Me?

No one cares.

I'm too fat for some people, but other people who are fatter aren't too fat for them.

Disclaimer - I hope I didn't point fingers.

Problem

I get in trouble if I talk to or about someone even if it's very nice.

Apology

I'm sorry if me mentioning a certain person is offensive or was seen that way.

I should have said it differently.

Maybe, I'll just do what I like and see if I'm happy.  I have to do something.  (I'm not going stupid and silly.  How am I supposed to go?  I'll just do what I want and make it good.)

Also

I'm out for a jog but wanted to say I mean  I feel they should feel all the pleasure they'd want still.

Edit

I edited my last post.

Apology

When I said "like Nazis," I didn't mean an offense, that it's people who follow bad things.

(I updated the post that said this to refer to this apology or disclaimer.)

So, I am just saying..

..my true feelings now.  Nothing new.  People know how I feel.  Can you believe it?  They still pay too much attention to me, but I feel washed up as a person and still abused.

Me Being "Bad" to Do With It

I walked in a store to get a drink on Election Day for the President of the US.  I was upset but not mean, and a German-looking boy spread around that I was bad, somehow.  Someone else I think walked into the store, a young guy with a weird beard.  I just sorta lost it.  I thought once that person has a beard because I cursed about the hurtful, illegal noises Ellen DeGeneres put in my room.  I just wanted to establish to myself that I would not bow down to him cuza his strange beard, strange because it was a bit long.  He got me going thru a cycle wondering what to do and think next and worried he knew I thought that.  He acted peculiar and looked at me.  The person in charge did something weird, too.  I went to go vote.  A lady in front of me was already onto me for the store.  I just kept thinking for a long time about how she should stop and stuff.  I was upset it was catching on with everyone else outside that I had no control over myself mentally, but they were looking at and secretly referring to me negatively.  I was upset electing some.  That lady set me off and then acted like nothing had happened.  I tossed my ID on the table.

I came home, and my dad acted like I was bad and wouldn't be allowed to enjoy my vacation.  He was sending a secret message.  He was outspoken.  I saw a picture of someone as a baby I thought before.  He acted like it was me and he was the mom.  I don't want to feel from him things like that all of a sudden.  Since visiting his mom this one time, it seems like she gave him advice to just go for it and go in and be overly cheery and he'll be just like people like Johnny Depp who people like and get very stimulated by.  So, I got the idea of him acting like he's cheerily repeating, "You're just 'such and such' aren't ya! You're just 'such and such!'"  He's like other men like his age acting like they're me.

So, I went into my room and was like damn and made some fists I remember.  I made a louder step or so I think as I left.  I don't know if I hit my legs or not.  I might have been rough in my cheap chair.  So what?  I could do that any day and not be so brutally abused for it.  It's something everyone does!

I did my laundry, which I try not to do when people are around.  I was upset, and people acted like that was it.  I was in trouble for what I did in my room cuz they know what I do in private..

The Argument

This is not just making someone feel good, but it's making everyone else witness a spectacle of worshiping a false god of what it is in their eyes and saying instead of being a normal person who has relationships that depend on them that suddenly it doesn't matter for good people.  This is the opposite of progress.  If you argue that it feels good, I don't know why it's just for them in that way.  I'm actually in trouble, so I don't get to feel good and feel judged and sorta trapped by people.  I didn't really do anything bad.  People told me the person they are stimulating is also getting it for being imperfect, supposedly for getting mad at me too much when they said they weren't even.

What the Problem Is

Just tell this person how much people think of them being stimulated, and it could render them giving in to a feeling that might be detrimental to them and their relationships who depend on them for emotional support.

Problems

I think Ellen DeGeneres is overly "stimulating" someone I look up to just to punish me.  I don't mean just feeling really good but feeling tippy about me now and instead of whatever they felt before.  It's good to feel a little silly sometimes for anyone, but this is just craziness.

Why do some people think it has to happen.. before things might not have been good, but they let all out and in a bad way "stimulated" this person.  I can't really be happy because I don't believe they are doing the right thing like they say.  They don't care about everyone else who has to go through with this.  What they are doing might be a failed effort at making someone feel good in a weird way.

You know, it's right there.  Just say this person is the only best person in the world who people wanna feel for and watch feel the prize of stimulation.  Of course they do this, but all these people are either bad or recruits like *Nazis, which it seems like for some reason actually.

They just tell me only this person "deserves" this.  They think it's time to throw me out, as they've been doing to my life for 10 years.  This is just the next step.

*apology post