Problem

Looks like I gotta go, now.. what should I do to not get in more trouble?

Problem

I know they are messing with me.  They might keep at it.  I'm guessing they'd get tired.  I was in the guest room sleeping so nothing would happen.  I just showered and was able to eat breakfast..  I need some peace, somehow.  I only seem to get physical in gradual steps or if it looks safe.  I gotta stop and be able to ignore this.  Other people are physically out of step with me, tho, sometime, somehow, I think.

Problem

This is so *beep*.  Now, they said if I accepted it and didn't post this, it's fine, but they aren't.

Took the Opportunity

to get at me racially

Problem

I came here pretty set for a good time, but my dad and grandma ruined it, probably grandma's fault.  All that work, just to be mean to me!  Why aren't things good the way they were before?  They were out of place, themselves.

Problem

They are messing around taking from me still!

Problems

Things weren't really fine but worse when I woke up.

Problem

They did it cuz I was apologetic about someone else I really did something meaner about moreso.  This person, I am just being held at stake for if I do anything wrong.  I didn't bring them up, tho.

Problem

Now, supposedly that person is talking to me in rhythm creatively that I can't have them.

Problem

They are being grim.  They just did a few things.  They are telling me to get out.  They bothered me to begin with.

Problem

They said I could not have a relationship.  I wasn't mean to anyone, and they kept at me.  I fidgeted in church and splashed water in the pool.

Well, okay.

We're going home soon.

Practice??

At home, my parents try to make me mad.  Other kids have their parents at the service of their toenails.

So, is this goodbye to everyone?

I got really upset about someone inconveniencing me and because of the experiment thinking out things I already knew.

I can't take this.  It's like I'm stuck with certain people in certain ways.

And I'm not okay.  Didn't I say that last night?  No help?  So this?

So, I'm saying I'm not okay.  I don't think I can get back what I lost, whatever that is.. maybe, I have to just accept it but say sorry to mend.  I don't know, I don't feel deserving.  Why can't I get alone sometimes?  Then, I wouldn't have felt so guilty.

My grandma keeps pulling at me in weird ways.  I miss my old grandma, but some things are better for her now.  It used to be we visited my aunt separately and my grandma was up north.  This is so sad!  I didn't attack at her, but I did not remember/know to be friendly enough, like when I didn't say anything to her maybe when she came out with others.  She was quite upset.  Unfortunately, she reminds me of dark, fat boys who won't leave me alone, even a lotta African Americans as tho they really like me but do maybe just for my race.  My grandma is very cool, but she has to be like my dad who surrounds my life in bad ways and bother me now.  It's not the grandma I'm used to.

So, I feel in limbo, like I think one thing and then another, in certain ways..

I wish I had real friends.

I had friends.  I wonder if I'd be happy if I had them, again.  My 2 friends may not converse much, but they are on speaking terms, maybe cuz they both have more Northern European blood partly.  1 has 5% the other 50% something a little warmer.  + they are from the New England area and moved down to Florida around the same time.

I have earplugs on, but downstairs I hear noises and I bet they're feeling upset concerning me.  So sad.

So, I go home today, wonder how the car ride will be.  I have music I can listen to.  I better rest and pack soon.

I can't bring myself to say sorry it'll be fine, tho.  I really need to just make myself more appropriate.

Problem

They're trying to ruin my relationship because they upset me.

The Pain or Stupidity?

I never sleep a whole night.

My mom came to tell me to go swimming.  I came.  I was bugged and confused.  I started splashing water.

I'm most mad to leave on a note of swimming badly, as I don't really swim often.

So, I just, like, splashed water when mad.

They trashed "my CD."

They played around about parents and kids.

Violence Possible

I was upset at church and my elbow hit my mom, not like too hard, just you know.

I need help with this.  My life only gets worse until it's too late.  I don't want this or something else to happen.

I did feel uncomfortable about it.  People know about it.  I didn't physically hurt my mom that I know of, but she might have been a little surprised.  Could you predict this happening?  I need to give myself rules.  What?  I don't see myself as totally secluded.  I realize this time wasn't completely overboard bad other than what it is itself.  I'm a bit worried.  I had posted about how I don't get anger pills and people laugh at me when I mention it.

I just have to go with the flow.  I guess tell myself not to do it again, at least but unable to change the past of course.  Any big things to help me?  I did wanna check in to the mental hospital.  Seems like it's hard.  So, I dunno!

People get so mean to me.  I just felt upset.  My mom wasn't the one bothering me this time.

This is all so stressful and unbelievable.

People think I'm *beep*.  It gets annoying.  I think it's because of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Tim Burton directing and Johnny Depp starring init.  The world became more disrespectful and suggestive.  I should have not gone to church maybe but did not know.

If I haven't hit the nail on the head, this is important.  I don't wanna do this stuff and be like this, an animal.  I realize people are mean to me.  I shouldn't have to go thru with it but must remember.  I need to change the situation if I can't ignore it or feel crazy.  That fixes some of that.

Anyway, really sorry, I understand if you feel bad around me.  That's too bad.  I need to grow up, like I was before.  It's sad.  You know I can't get off psychotic pills as long as I live with my parents/mom?  They make me tired.  I dunno if it's helpful nor harmful.  Seems like a way not to care about me as a person..

Well, sorry, let's take time to think of ways to prevent this and settle qualms with all these "what ifs" something this bad happen someone's about to do?  Like, people are mean to me supposedly because someone else would do the job anyway.  I think they're just annoying me to get in trouble and want to land me in jail.  I don't know where to go nor what to do.  I know I watched Dr. Phil.  He appeared on an entertainment show, and he seemed again in the end to bring negative vibes.  That's his job.  He presents negative vibes.  That's not right, tho.  He's a great guy who likes to work with people in trouble and make them semi-famous.  It's like his motives make a puzzle to solve.

So, very sorry.  So, very sorry.  There, I did a detention.  And I do need help with all the stress of having done it and to solve these things where someone keeps making me mad like me being good is nothing..