Problem

I felt something in my ring nail, tho I don't have to worry about this.

Problem

They are lashing at me all the time, my oldest aunt and grandma, with me not being able to feel what I want anymore supposedly yes or no, don't even know, for something I did.

Problem

They're jumping at me with things that supposedly some have reason.

Problem

My mom also seems "self-satisfied."  Like I'm just s***.

Problem

I had to end my story.

Problem

They are threatening my oldest aunt into my life to make me worship s*** about others.

Problem

My mom is sending mean secret messages like I'm just gonna deal with it.  They tend to do these mean things, even if I don't say anything.  I'm writing a story, and they rubbed in someone in a bad way.  What if this memory comes back, too?  I don't hurt people with this.  I'm actually pretty serious about what happens.

She's just doing whatever she wants like "zing zanging" cuz I was splashing around etc. in the tub when feeling bad.  It was an interesting experience, probably because of last night.  She just acts like I'm some weirdo as I got off to my room to report "what comes out."

You might think it doesn't matter if it happens to me, but my mom had a certain attitude, too.

So what if I'm mad?  They are being mean.

What about my story?  I'm writing one!  They bothered me.

I was trying to feel better, but I just can't.  It's just "unfortunate."  No one else has this happen to them.

They're messing up the feel of the story!  Why do they keep taking from me?

My mom is being bemused, giddy, and, I forget, like "delirious" but like she's on top of me here.  It's a negative effect.

I also need to get to bed for a big day tomorrow, which should have been today or yesterday and before, but I had bad experiences.

They keep inflicting people on me now.

I could let it go, but something about it seemed big.

Problem

They are threatening me, like there has to be a balance where things aren't what I want, like someone putting me too close to my parents in weird ways.  And it's not because they tuned in at the Emmys.

They seem to think that's what they want but that - I forget.

They do expensive things that bring on irritation in clear cut messages with a good side highlighted.

Problem

My oldest aunt replied to my Facebook post, and they are suggesting what she suggests.

Problem

They made the reload button randomly go to an "x" for awhile.

Problem

Why are you acting like everything is okay and I have no reason to feel sad/upset?

Problem

I was going to lay in the tub to feel better with my female thing.

Problem

They keep at me and iterating over and over about if I look up to someone like a parent.

Problem

See, they mess with me if something goes wrong, like a hobby, but I was not the mean one.

Problem

I just got a message about "a little sister" to do with someone I like.

Just Way Too Mad

I was upset that supposedly my nose didn't matter, like a game.  Everyone says I'm a really good person.  Why would this happen to me for no reason?

Problem

My aunt is threatening me.. this is too much.

Dear Journal..

..I was mad in the bathtub splashing and spinning and stretching around, probably a crime.

One thing I realized was I didn't wanna be told what to do, like that I can't release anger in private.  Why is my oldest aunt an adopted mother for me?  I'm 29.  I already have a mom, dead or alive, which she is alive and I live with her.  I find that suggestive.  She always thought the most of me, for whatever reason.  Did someone tell her to change??

Earlier today-I forget, they were a distraction.

I also wonder why they ruined my life.  My parents, the experiment.  Why was my hair so f****in' black?  No one sees me for who I am because my hair is not blonde.  They separated us as babies and decided whose hair to lighten and whose hair to darken.  Well, there was no reward for what they said was good as black when we were not even fully conscious and stuff as babies.  I could only wonder why some people have black hair and why non-white people only like the white people with blonde hair.

I don't really get it..

..why would I be worse than my dad?  He was cradling his plate today like "he has control."  That's quite the opposite.  We've, like, been thru this, but then he goes and has to move to Orlando and do these things.  One thing that seems terribly wrong I didn't know, and my life is over.

And what's with people out of Orlando thinking they got it over me when they didn't!

Problem

I try harder to have a good day, and other people try hard to bother me.

Problem

My mom gave me the cramp.  It still hurts.  I don't know when I'll get better.  So what if I writhe and slap my sofa in the privacy of my room?  It's not like I'm being mean like they are.  It made me feel better apparently, and then she made me feel like this.

Problem

I think my dad may have a problem.  He has a ***ual addiction to me to wanna see me suffer for being a mixed mutt.  He like glares at me for little things I think.

I tried to stop acting upset at the table, and when I thought that my dad "didn't wanna miss it" and bothered me more.  I didn't have much time left.

Sad

My life is so miserable and tragic and nasty.  What?  I need a new shelf before things are right?

Sad

They took it upon themselves to feel sorry for themselves at supper when they were bothering me and I acted kinda upset.

Problem

So, who's having a strange "issue" with younger people?

Okay, but..

Since when am I the kind of person to be treated worse than others?

Problem

My parents were acting annoyingly and I think made me feel bad for thinking, "Stop it," and upset using my utensils.  I was calm some of the time.  I guess I was still riled up, time to eat when I came back from my jog and my iTunes don't work.  I dunno, I feel bad now cuz that's not for me to be that way.  What can I do?  Sometimes, I just go crazy and can't think.  I guess I just have to take it myself.  Too late now, yea.  I feel sorry for my mom.

Problem

My parents acted like they had different voices talking to me,

Problem

Some people just don't seem to get the point.  Like, you make yourself go all out to explain it, and you're wrong.  They assume any little thing is offensive.  What if someone meant something, anyway, I'd wonder.  You don't have to go insane over that..

Problem

My dad wouldn't stop being annoying and mom.  And I'm very upset that's cuz they broadcasted me eating supper with my fam during the Emmys.  I knew they'd do that.  I wasn't trying to make a problem.

Problem

I keep feeling like my toes and feet are being pulled at.

Problem

So, 1 of their games is to twist what I said into hurting me and helping someone else, "or else."

Problem

I'm tired of being in trouble for no reason all the time.

Problem

It was about hurting me.

Problems

Why do I have to delete it?  It fits in!  It's not even that bad.  I don't know who it applies to for sure, I think.

Problem

So what, if I said what I said?  You don't even care about apologies.

Problem

Did you seriously just say I have to be tortured all the time just to meet someone?

Problem

They won't stop.

Problem

The volume on my tablet laptop with the iTunes is very soft.

Problem

Now, because of my grandma and oldest aunt they are taking big things from me if they feel upset at some remote thing.

Problem

My parents secretly make it so I can't sing and things.

I was upset they treated me like an imp and a n***** when I was little and were mad I was jealous of others.  They somehow "knew" and did stuff.  I was only 2, but this was a private thought anyway and I was abused I feel secretly.  Anyone would get away accepting they hate me for my mixed race.

Problem

They keep being mean to me "cuza yer dad."  How pathetic.  Anyone would go along just to be safe and no one cares about me.  My dad harbors a hidden rage.

Problem

You think what I did wrong was just saying this!  I'm not gonna live with my grandma and aunt saying this.  It's lasted too long, anyway.

Also

My mom said it's it, one thing I can't have.. they can't keep being mean to me like that.  It was one of the most important things.  What if you were taunted about your job?

Problem

My mom was walking like she was injuring me putting plates in my head.

They won't give me a rest!

I thought of 2 bad words and felt really bad and squirmed.  They will say "it's not it" tomorrow.

Problem

My mom secretly said as I got up to get my food, "This is this.  You are not allowed to do this."  I was just going online doing something I like.

They wanted me punished for one thing, feeling good, going for the top but skipped life.

Anyone Else Upset for Me??

If so, I mean, you left me stuck in bed or tired at the computer talking about hurting me, no sleep then.

Problem

I didn't even wanna go see my grandma.  She was like yelling at me to come, acting hysterical.  One thing wrong, they can't get over it and keep bothering me, "like animals."

Problem

They are associating memories.

Facebook

Christina Ann Joanna Barrett thinking about doing something crazy

Just now · Orlando, FL · 

Some people have had the doctor order change in my life that isn't going away. They think I have done wrong and are treating me like a kid, being mean to me like they are punishing me. It has happened for an unusually long time, when I never meant ill on anyone. I haven't exactly lashed out at them on my Problems Blog but have reported it there. By the way, if someone is being hurt, they have the right to feel upset and talk about it, tho it's probably better if they don't take it too seriously. The thing is I could go in and smile, but I really can't put up with one problem after the next. I don't really know where this one is coming from.

They are snapping at me if I feel good is what it is. They have upscaled their value by doing this to me. There are little noises in my room..

The only thing I am wondering if it's not just being mean/"punishing" me. I used to have nice dreams a few years ago. For some strange reason, I bumped my forehead in the bathroom, not that hard, and these cool dreams stopped. Someone probably sliced their hand in front of my brain and even remembering normal dreams watered away.

So, I see it as I was not very bad so it's bad they are taking away my pleasure. They see it as I was mad on the inside and seemed like they could tell my sadness of not feeling well on the outside but don't care cuz they did it and that therefore something big is what I don't deserve.

Technically, they can't do it, but they just strung together the meaning and did it.

This has went on a relatively long time if not for good. They wrongly wanna play safe by being mean to me and acting like they didn't just do it but I deserve it.

I don't know if I can deal with this misfortune and the juggling of who did what. If it's someone I know, I have a problem cuz it's not for them to decide. I think I sorta know who started what with the big picture. They think they can "punish" me for no good reason in my 20s. I'm 29. Like, if I did poor in school cuz something happened, if I used a store card and want to pay it back with allowance.. hard to think of much else that relates to this.

Someone in my life has gone insane, too, and they keep rubbing them in.

They've supposedly convinced other to be mean to me.

Torture

They are devaluing them.

Problem

They won't stop!

Problem

Now, they did it twice, like they are stimulating someone.  Now, a load said, "Only such and such (Johnny Depp.")

Problem

They are trying to irritate me again claiming they didn't do it.

Problem

Now, they made the Facebook logo reload, "gently" or slowly.

Problem

Someone suggested I was mean when I wasn't a long time ago.

Problem

They're acting like maybe they didn't do it.

Problem

They're making it happen, the stimulating in a weird or bad way.  I'm just saying they did it.

Problem

They also want to stimulate some people saying, "Okay, it's it."  All this with the blame on my back, won't hurry up and finish their crime against me.  No offense, but why don't you "just let it all out" now and say something to yourself rather than doing any bad thing that exists?  I see this is a big problem with how people work.  I hope they don't get worse cuz I said what they are doing.

I'm beginning to suspect that it's not all my grandma and aunt, but it seems like they made the decision, too, if not as the original determinant.

Why..

..do they say Ellen DeGeneres sacrifices the dignity of other relationships?  Like, my mom keeps going so bemused and fluid acting when I feel she thinks "worked up," like because I said something about Ellen DeGeneres in private that was not bad so much but twisted, in my home.

Also, I was feeling good after I went to the bathroom, and she stimulated me where my dad did, where I have my female thing, to feel sore and laden down.  I just got my female thing again.

Problem

Also, people are taking seriously when I feel upset and am looking for the escape, like I'm doing something against them and they're mad.

Problem

This isn't stopping.  Now, they are suggestively "picking someone up."

Problem

They aren't stopping!  I see them coming in ruining my life.

Problem

I am trying to type something and they burst out saying my possible future daughter is not white, by my oldest aunt, saying based on her existence she is "looking for" my aunt cuz they want someone more older in my life affecting it thinking they are needing to try to "punish" me or be mean to me.

Last Night in Bed

They kept shutting off my feeling good and in the end it felt in the opposite way.  I kept squirming and went a little crazy to myself.

I guess..

..since I got mad at the people experimenting on me when I was hitting my sofa and accidentally later made a hurtful noise, there's more distance.

Problem

Well, the experimenters didn't have a problem with my long problems post.

Every time I was about to feel a certain way, they made a clicking noise to stop.  It's my grandma and aunt.  This is ridiculous.  It's ruined it for me.

All I did was 1st express I was unhappy in an earlier visit.  2nd visit, I was rough at church when my grandma was groping and splashed in the pool when mad.  My aunt got ticked off when I didn't go up the stairs "carefully" and was upset but not like walking madly.  She needs to stop being "motherly" in bad ways to me cuz sher really has no business.

I got to feeling really bad.  The words have a light doubling affect on the screen.

So, they made noises of other people I like snapping at me, people who are kinda famous, like I'm a dog and they're making an animal sound to me.

They also won't forgive me for asking my mom was she was upset cuz it grew to yelling and I wouldn't stop asking about what she said.  I just live my life, and the insults come, from her, my dad, noises they put there..

My grandma and aunt are really butting into my life.  They are so mad and self-important they took it upon themselves to make noises against me every time I feel good.  I tried putting up with it awhile, but they just don't stop.

Problem

My grandma and aunt won't leave and are sorta chanting at me.

Problem

Now, they're having me recept their fighting me the anger of when I cursed about the noises they put in my room.

Problem

I saw the mouse arrow come up where it wasn't.

They just made the Blogger icon blink twice as I went to Captcha this again.  They did it again..

Sleep

I am not sure if they will say something that disturbs me.

Just why be mean to me?

If I got attention for being good?  It used to be that I was good, not the people giving attention to me.  I was the baby.

Problem

They said my grandma and aunt decide what we do.

What?

My mom came in after I was posting/thinking about people not reading my Problems blog and putting it up higher on my regular blog as a link on the side for support for suspecting people wanting to read it..  I said no one had to read it, but some people have I am guessing..

Problem

What's the point in not sorting out your thoughts in a special problems blog?

I forget what else I had to say.  I mean, did you say I was lashing out when I wasn't??  How else am I supposed to say it?  This blog is in hopes of strangers out there reading and the help somehow reaching me if someone knows the answer to my problems, like a message in a bottle.  I know it sounds silly.  I'm not devaluing it, but I'm saying it's not supposed to be checked.  The posts don't get copied to my big blog cuz the point is to sieve it into the debris.  It's not supposed to be checked by regular readers cuz it's already a lot to ask to put your regular blog out there.  I do have this place in my heart about this blog existing, but who'd be interested, anyway??  I don't really like visiting here too much.  I had to say something, but I am guessing that if anyone read it it was considered too much as far as disciplining me goes..  Also, I don't mind if they don't check for instance, me on Twitter or IMDb.  So..  I wish some people I knew kept up with me online, but I started a blog too late.  Same with my ProBoards forum.  I got my dad on here.  I do use Facebook for communication.  So, I mean, just go out there and do something, but I do recommend getting a BlogSpot.  You do have to be careful, like with how you act and with screennames etc.  I can't promise success..  Maybe, I got on and wasn't mature, even at 21.  I also made a smaller blog, with the thought in mind that people are busy or have little business with me.  What about my main blog?  I could stay outta trouble.