Problems

Supposedly, Ellen DeGeneres is embodying in life that I'm not good enough for my dad's youngest sibling/sister and her daughter.  She's mostly been a single mom.  I feel she is saying I'm a bad person.  She's using the need to justify my anger to the extreme.

She thinks my values aren't good enough for how attractive they are.  Everyone else tells me I'm sweet, smart, and shy.  Why would Ellen not trust me for who I am?

I've said it's cuz my mom is Asian and my dad is born in 1950.

It's also prejudice about dark hair.  Either, dark hair can be good or it can't be.  I've mostly wanted white blonde hair and sometimes gold hair.

I don't think it's excusable to say this if it's not true just to punish me, neither.

Being called sweet, smart, and shy so often when being judged or asked about in school, I don't see how Ellen doing this is okay.  I mean, like, it feels shouting in my face.  She thinks she can ground me.  How pathetic.  She wants people to respond to her like a parent.  Things got messed up.  I don't think I'm messed up.

So, it also boils down to that I used to curse about hurtful, illegal noises in my room that she supposedly put there.

Ellen keeps thinking it makes sense, too, apparently, that I was bad to her and bad before that.

Last time I visited with my dad's youngest sister, I think we went to Downtown Disney and had a nice time.  I see my dad's oldest sister, too.  I think this is Ellen's sweeping chance to get at me, probably thinking my youngest aunt having a kid means I shouldn't have a relationship with her.

I think that's mean to assume you can control my life with such reasonings and playing around with how true those reasonings are.

I feel my privacy has been abused.  I'm not supposed to be raided in my own home.

How am I ugly compared to my aunt when my life is going good?  I think it's the black hair.  I didn't want black hair.  Actually, it's brown in the light or highlighted.  I like my aunt, but we look different.  My oldest aunt they were joking how we look alike, even her being that old.  I take it this was another joke.

So, why is Ellen being so vicious?

There are other people I lost in my life, as well, around now, and I can only think that Ellen did it or it was a group effort.  This is pathetic.  Why do people listen?  And I feel so bad in the home.  I'm too old to feel at home in a college, too, not sure where I'm going sometimes.

I thought of some things before I woke up.  I came home and took a shower and went to bed.  I forget, now.

I think Ellen thinks I think I'm in all the drama saying my aunt's not too good for me.  She got really mad and just totaled.  She wants me to think other people are more important and like I never was nice to others.  She got this talking to my aunt.  I was upset at what my oldest aunt relayed about what Ellen did.  I basically felt that if I didn't see my youngest aunt for her good was okay, but I was upset at being told that was how things stood by Ellen.  I was told it was my aunt's fault and it was okay I slipped and didn't like what Ellen did and just to deny that.  I can't deny things like that.  I guess that was an advance taken on me, as well.

So, I don't curse about her like I used to.  She's still upset.  Anyway, I said what she did was hurtful and  illegal.  It's my freedom, too.  I didn't wanna call the police cuz I liked it kinda, but they were using it to be mean, now.

I'm depressed and getting old.  Soon, I'll be over the hill.  If I am modest and say I'm not young anymore, people seem to flash by in enforcement of that depressing thought.  I don't like how 10 years of my life is down the drain cuz I was kicked outta my college major after 1 year.  I wasn't even online, yet.  Orlando is so crazy.  I could not think and keep getting in trouble near when the hurricane came and we had to move here.  It's little things like money, school, the internet.  I didn't mean to do anything bad.  My life is now like of an orchestra reciting these things like I'm just a bad person and always proved to be when I haven't.

So, I'm not trying to be mean to Ellen DeGeneres.  I just feel she keeps introducing things about me lined up because of this that are negative.  She's the one being mean to me just because she's also nice or something.

I don't wanna be told I'm not gonna make it, that I have poor values, etc.  I'm on psychotic pills and other pills and it makes me tired.  It's hard to wake up to my still unorganized room and change my clothes and put on makeup when I'm not going anywhere.  I stopped posting as many pictures online, but I am sure this is all using how I look to make me look bad.  They think people who are not glamorous in how they look are evil.  I used to want to look natural and now wear makeup but was not ugly.  Something made me look more Asian in glasses, tho.  It's like all that time before didn't pay off, one tick and I'm Asian.  I feel the pressure.

Why can't people who really see me just act normal?  They think I'm bad, some of them.  I hope in the end, my life is more comfortable.  Without the insults via people experimenting on me and altering my life for the worse.

So, about the point, why am I really so bad I should not even see my youngest aunt?  It seems likes something was said here.  It might just be a fake punishment.  Just see if there's some other reason that makes sense maybe.  Something that doesn't say I'm not worth it.  Why do other people like to talk to me?  They seem desperate to set out to get you, like it's their call of duty.  Do you think I want that g** look like hey my dad is born in 1950.. and like that's why I look so much like an exaggerated set of tubes with nothing interesting about me? like that's what I want?  No, that's how it happened.  It's not what I found desirable.  Part of it is this, me being told I'm not good enough.  I'm being taken advantage of as a living being.  A lotta people have this issue and probably are tired of it.

So, why shouldn't I see my younger aunt?  Something I did?  Me being ugly?  What about the other relationships that are lost or ruined now cuz Ellen said so or some group effort?  It's like my happiness has been taken away.  I'm sure in the end it's just cuz Ellen thinks I was bad.  She shouldn't be able to control that.  It sounds very suggestive and like a snap judgement sorta.  She might not mean it but has to always display I'm in trouble.  That's upsetting.  If she can do whatever she wants, why am I always treated unfairly?

You know, I didn't make a big deal of it.  She just got really mad.  I don't know it all, but I do know she said something suggestive, that she doesn't care if I ever get an Oscar.  I do wanna perform but do not expect such an award.  So, different ideas come into play, more ranting about being attractive or not.  It's very suggestive in such a way.  She also made a big deal that my dad should have nothing to do with Star Wars and Charlie Brown but thinks others can.  I saw her smile about it, too.  Is that a hint of a threat?  Ellen thinks I lost it, but I was just upset.  She wants to know who did it if it wasn't me.  She thinks dad makes me have it in me to do that.  I really don't approve, but I don't mean anything inappropriate.  What she said was wrong, but maybe that was just my oldest aunt.  My family is not the ones trying to attack her, and it's easy to see.  I think the blame on my family needs to stop.

She also got mad I was upset that my breast blew up and hers was petite.  I just thunk it, said nothing.  She didn't care and now she's like raging mad and thinks she has something big to hold in against me.  These little things, no one ever cared to prevent them.  See, I just thunk, and now it's a big deal.  There's always some explanation.  She can't help but be mean to me, but sometimes like this it just seems depressing and when you can destroy relationships.

Also, I do like gymnastics and ballet.  I told my mom something mean to my dad when we were alone about things like that, but Ellen knows and now I'm in trouble probably.  Something exciting is coming to Orlando, auditions for The Lion King and Aladdin.  I'm finding myself enrolling in modern dance classes when I did like gymnastics and ballet my whole life.  It just seems strange and set up.  It seems like a good idea, tho.  I'm in adult gymnastics right now, too, and was also hoping for expensive singing lessons.

I try not to get upset, but sometimes in the moment things seem different but always have some reason or excuse.  Sorry about it, but these things need to be prevented more.  People in Orlando do crazy things.  It's hard to have  a sense for what's appropriate.

I can't seem to find a point other than that Ellen is mean and things like crazy, etc., like she's not fully formed and has open anger.  She just connects the dots and is missing something.  These are incomplete thoughts acted upon.  She still does it, tho.

Also, she went ahead and acted like she was special like my youngest aunt and I am trashy.  That's not really nice.  Neither is what was said before.  Why is that okay?  Was there a reason?

I dunno about this.  I'm not having an unnecessary fit about it but feel like I'm considered bad, I do not matter, and problems still to come whereas before in life wasn't like this.  I'm being approached for my mixed race, like coming up to surprise me with things.  Like, okay okay, you don't like that sorry I don't mean it like that.

You know another excuse she actually uses is that other people would be mean to me, anyway.  She's mad at me a lot.  People use that a lot, that people would be mean to me, anyway.  Like, they think if they do it 1st it won't be as bad.  Things weren't like that before.

Sorry if I did anything crazy in Orlando!  I feel like I've been sucked into a black hole.  It was hard adjusting.  My infamy is so big I can't seem to adjust further.  Moreso, sorry if anyone's feelings were hurt.  Not sure what can be said of that end.

You know, I feel compared to Ellen they act like she's the one who's vibrant and youthful and I'm like an ugly, useless person caught up in details.  I feel that constantly, like she's soaking in that end.

It feels so open like people are setting me up to eventually look in trouble.  They play around when I am not upset and try to confuse me I feel.  I hope I find a better life.  People need fresh air and variety in life.

Sorry if I am rude, stupid, etc.

So, I wonder.

"She 'as moved on."

I didn't really mind about her relationship with Bella Thorne.  That's her decision.  What should I do to get my life to be nice?

Problems

It seems that Ellen DeGeneres has said that she's about paying attention to Bella Thorne to tease me/us.  She escalates approval of her.  She thinks I'm worth nothing unless I pay attention about her.  It's not really fun to have her come up like I'm in trouble and deserve nothing out of fear others around me have, like life is governed by this.

What do you think?  That's like someone opening their mouth at you.

My dad burns out in his flippant attitude about me sometimes.

If this is all true, it seems like a burnout way to live and attack someone.  "Nonsensical 'dribble.'"

What should I do?  Read into Ellen DeGeneres still?  What if everyone I know treats me like this?  What if I'm hunted down and get secret messages to bother just me like it's my fault if I can't stand it and get upset sometimes?

She acts like she's perfectly fine.  However, she hates on me cuz she attacked me supposedly by having someone put hurtful, illegal, bothering noises in my room and I cursed about it eventually and got into trouble.  I don't wanna live like Jacob Marley.  Just because people are not perfect does not make Ellen DeGeneres right about being mean to them and thinking she's better.  She has often been acting like some people can be worth more than others, tho, like something that gets at you/me in the silence maybe after some remote secret message.  I did think Ellen DeGeneres is a good person.  I know this is more than one person after me.  Today, I told my parents they were acting funny and inquired, to quell my escalating loss of control over my anger and the potential.

Look, I just heard a car go by that bothered me and make me feel less stimulated.  You can't keep doing this to me, hurting me in undetectable/unreportable ways that even my therapist does not respond to.

I can't sit here and do a 360 degree explanation of this work of art, like a statue, but you get the idea!

No offense to anyone, sorry if it seems so.

Problem

I can't live life like it doesn't matter and I don't.  Just because I cursed about hurtful, illegal noises Ellen DeGeneres seemed to claim she put there, nothing good comes to me.  So, when will these bad things cease to occur?  Is Ellen the ghost of Christmas future?  Are these bad people the 1 as God to you?

Problem

They are rubbing in people I don't like to me.  My dad did it taking me home from Christmas confession at church.

Problem

I keep getting secret messages concerning EllenDeGeneres wanting me to not feel good or something they say.  They can be radical now.

Problem

I am here to report something and they messed around with the page not loading.

I was told I got a threat from Ellen DeGeneres about if anyone here makes me feel good.  Several disasters have occurred.  That means she must have been lying before.  It might just be a group effort.  I did think it was "stupid" like others would or do about other things that you switch around "I did it" and "I didn't do it," tho I am not trying to call anyone that.  I know the people experimenting on me are being mean now, too, so maybe it's a group effort.

Problem

My dad is suggesting someone in my life to be mean.  He's been acting tacky saying things that make no sense.

Problem

Look, what's your problem.  Quit it?  They showed something suggestive to make the front of my face look black.

Problem

My mom made noises that made my face look how I didn't like on one side, like a young black girl in a way I did not want.  I was upset and the words "n*****" and "k***" came up.  They made another noise and the other side losened up, as well.  Things were okay before that.  They think if I have a problem I want more of the meanness that caused it.  I'm not gonna live to fight *beep* like that.  How is this possible?  I can deal with it somehow but am sure it's bad.

Problem

They are coordinating mean things because they kept pursuing me with someone I like being mean constantly over and over for a long time and the word "k***" came to mind.

My mom keeps acting mean and won't stop, and so is my dad.  I should be out of this house, but things were okay before Tim Burton.  Thanks for stealing my family.  You had to have some thing, so they gave it to you.  No offense to anyone.

Because I just said I wanted to do dance they are acting like this maters and I can't dance.  I'm signing up for 5+ hours a week.  This is so pathetic.  You can't just knock down anything big in my life if you attack me and I get upset.  I don't have problems and don't hurt those who do!

Problem

I am getting that something is trying to do something bad to my possible future kids.

Problem

I heard a tick tell me to do something, something mean.

Strange Message

It was like something said if I don't do something something else won't happen, and it's all mean.  They are just playing around.

Problem

They're all giddy and annoying saying I can never have anything I like because, like this time the beating at me, if I think of a bad word.  Whatever I'm into at the time can get taken away.

Problem

Sometimes, I just can't stand to be around some people and leave.

They are behaved in the bus, mostly African American people.

Problem

My mom seems mad to me all the time sometimes.

Someone I like is being so mean and probably instilling this for her to do.

Problem

They keep telling me I'm bad for something I did, every day.

Problem

They keep distracting me with negative things, supposedly from people I like.

Problem

They are all hooting I can't be famous like I want.

Problem

Everyone keeps rubbing in someone to me to hurt me/possible future kids.

Problems

They said I did something bad and should not be in a traveling musical, like I decided now.

Problems

Now, it is said Bella Thorne gets what I was supposed to get.  They even made an example of it.

Supposedly, someone else I like thinks they're in charge and made this possible.

Problem

Someone I like took back something nice they said to me.

I didn't do anything.  Every morning I wake up, she acts like "it's not it" that day.

She just made up what she thought was a legitimate reason.

Problem

They're saying other things now.

Sending Out an Apology

An Asian man with his son made me uncomfortable, but I didn't know he was Asian..

What It Was

I was countering my mom's attacks, shoulda tried harder to ignore.

I don't find this okay..

Apologies

I can't seem to stop thinking bad words sometimes but do not mean nor want to think them.

Ruined/Ruin Relationships

I lost/got ruined 4 major relationships to my life this past few weeks.

Something about this experience was not meant to be.  I mess up, they have been watching, it's hard, it's over.  I still have my life to lead.  I must think more positively.  Leaving the room seems better than not, sometimes.

So, I dunno..  People, have fun with other people who supposedly have it easier.

Just a Check

If I did anything wrong, you can let me know and I can change that.

Issue

I hope my dad is feeling better.  He kept upsetting me with his attitude.

Problem

They keep acting like it's true.

Problem

This person won't stop!

Problem

They are pretending someone I like is being mean to me but doesn't make sense.  They are giving *everything* to Bella Thorne and nothing to me that I earned.  This person doing this is just lazy and wants to show off how mean they can be to me.

I was just checking on my post about her.

Used

They acted like someone used all of someone else up.

I've always been the good one.

You all are mean.

I can wake up with a bright/smart attitude to greet the day, and it will always be ruined.

Problem

My mom is acting like she's pounding her pride at me like I did something.  She was being mean like she was all that and I thought she was "nothing" for being so but didn't say it.  What can I think.  People keep making a force surrounding me where they press my buttons.  They won't stop!  My dad and mom and others.  They are analyzing me for what I did and not my parents and others for being mean to me.  I was trying to eat.  It sounds like she thinks Ellen DeGeneres said she could act all out, like I've seen others in my life do who are mean to me who I like.

Problem

My mom said I was a day and I could not see her/someone she is being in September.

THIS HAS TO STOP

Problem

I'm trying to escape my parents, and here she is in the laundry.

Problem

My mom wants that which I don't want to be as popular as Ellen DeGeneres herself.  Impossible, anyway.

What?

Why are people talking to me all of a sudden when they are mad at me?

Problem

My mom won't stop.  Trying to be cool with others who have something against me.  She doesn't wanna get hurt by them.  See, they are threatening my life.  How can I stop it?

Problem

Everyone is honing in on me like vultures like I'm nothing jumping on the bandwagon.. saying I'm not worth talking to and saying someone else or the people who experiment are the ones worth talking to.

Problem

My mom is rubbing in someone with my possible future daughter and separating out Bella Thorne to an idea of paradise.  No one can tell me mean things like that and say everything's okay for others-because it has to be okay for everyone..  What's with the highlight of the comparison saying things are cool for me?

Problem

My dad acted like he was someone else saying to m********* all to where my possible future daughter is, and it affected me, like a pouring feeling as he did it.  Same with the traffic thing before.  It made the words, "K*** such and such," very remotely come to mind and maybe stronger one of those times, not wanting to think it actually.  I was upset and I guess it triggered something people do in Orlando, admit something and then deny it, just to get it to not foster and grow.  It shouldn't happen, tho.  My dad was right there, and I believe it was also him.  He must have a great hatred for me.  Also, at church, something happened that seemed threatening.

Well, I'm sorry that thought came up, but I didn't want to think that and of course did not mean it.

Commercials

It sounds like someone is acting like Ellen DeGeneres told them to relay an insulting secret message.  That foot smoothing commercial, sounds like "Ah Ma Pay."  They said something about "advanced choir" in relation to others's foot-smoothing.

I saw one that's local, and they think that if something I think is questioned that I'm not good enough for Orlando.  They just bring up something that comes up.

Your Issue About Me Concerning Ellen DeGeneres Recently

This post is about you thinking about me being upset recently thinking Ellen DeGeneres did something to me but not because I posted it online.

I just was upset that she really was doing mean things behind my back, as shed light on by my oldest aunt.  I didn't mean any harm, just upset at all the mean things that had been done to me by whoever, supposedly people claim probably Ellen DeGeneres.  Secret messages that are hard to remember.

Whoever did that, it shouldn't have been done.  Don't go telling me I'd mean offense to if someone didn't do something very mean.  Whoever did it and if that's what and how it was done.  I did think of her in some form a lot because it seemed true.  My therapist says she doesn't know/talk to me.

However, since my life is an experiment, it's not stupid for me to say these things.  Ellen DeGeneres acts like she does and doesn't at different times, anyway.  I guess that's the ultimate escape.  She justifies it, too.

So, whoever it is needs to be stopped.  How can it be if they said they had me cornered experimenting/spying on me in private?  They tell everyone to give and take with me.

There, this post is pretty clean while including what's been thrown at me.  I guess you could infer negativity.  That's too bad.

Problem

I was framed this week to lose/"ruin" my 2 favorite relationships here, supposedly cuza my grandma.  She likes to test people and then tell us later it was a test and she doesn't do that, just to get people in trouble.  She says it was meant to be.  My oldest aunt, who she lives with, was here this week.

Problem

People in Orlando are hunting me down.  They can't take it when I'm not there to be hurt.

Problem

They just keep attacking me if they find fault.  They alter something in major social media as a reminder.  How spoiled is that?

Problem

I feel stimulated in a bad way by my dad and he almost ran over my foot and fell asleep at the light or something.

Oh, really?

It's some group effort.

Problem

My dad takes me places, too.

Problems

Supposedly, Ellen DeGeneres is making it so I can't encounter cool people and have to be stimulated inappropriately by my dad.  I don't wanna play around maybe she did it maybe she didn't.  I have the right to post about it without feeling threatened.

I came home from church and the grocery store, and I had to stay inside and put my food away rather than help bring it all in cuz my dad kept trying to stimulate me.  It was painful in the car.

I got a bone to pick with this.

So, someone is trying to stimulate me inappropriately.  It comes in like that.  It's not just the people experimenting on me.

How am I supposed to live a good quality life and keep relationships online?

I know they couldn't live like this.

I'm not trying to make a problem, just noticed this.

Problem

They keep acting "***" leaving me negative messages all the time.

They are trying to get me and to feel stimulated by them inappropriately/sinfully.

It seems like it always has to happen.  I don't have much peace.  Just know they do this like it doesn't matter just for me.

They keep pressuring me and want me to admit I'm bad in my thoughts.  They are promoting it as good and acting like I'm just some thing and they get to make bases to annoy me.  I don't like this.  I think this is for my dad or grandma, the way people are strangely nice and then go mean.  A lotta people in my generation have this problem.

I don't wanna be picked at being made to feel I am bad all the time, like I'm torn down daily like some statue.

Everyone is under the radar to annoy me.

I already said I disagree, and they keep fighting that.  It just pops up out of nowhere.

My point in this post is that I have people out there who have mixed emotions about me.

Like, the *** messages like it's all that to get it out on me for their insecurities I have encountered.

I feel like I'm being whipped for like not being pretty growing up or something.

Their stimulating me inappropriately and acting like it's okay, like, all the time.

Their trying to make me feel like a sinner and hurting me rather than believing me.

Setting me up and pretending about what happened.

Then, for some reason me saying what happened is wrong, like this.  Maybe, some of what I said has been pointed to something to be made worse for me.  I just keep getting on a role.  I noticed the inappropriate stimulation.  I'm sorry if I've offended anyone before, but I didn't mean to.  Guess I messed up.  This doesn't seem right, tho.  I didn't do what they did to me.  Did you know they believe that if I have a problem with something that even if that thing is wrong it was the cause for my finding a problem with them and try to scare me about it?

You know, something just gave me an idea to write this.  I think the little insults are meant to be traps.  I talk about it or something and they think I need a bigger problem to get used to.  However, there's no time for me to make progress in my life, real work.  It's all about rich, snobbish people rattling on about who everyone is until Doomsday comes.

Maybe, I should appreciate what seems like secret messages and then forget about it I guess.

It's my dad, too.

He makes sure I don't feel good.

A Mutual Consensus

Someone's life is based on hurting me.

No..

Why would they think I would like to be stimulated negatively?

Problem

They take everything so seriously because they have believed they are on top.

Problems

I keep getting back from someone that they're gonna keep being mean to me.

Problems

Do you know people who threaten you if you don't do/think what they say?  That's pretty camp.

Then, there's when people say you've already succumbed and who harm you thinking that means your submission.

I feel as tho every thing that makes me happy people think I don't deserve.  Like, the dance stuff, maybe even drinking water.

I'm not living to fear others who insist I've messed up and it's not okay cuza who I am and, moreso, who I'm not, supposedly.  None of this should hit a nerve in anyone.  If it does please come out right now.  That's dangerous.  Sound familiar?  That's how I'm treated.  I am sick of hearing of this stuff!  Can a person fear a threat and find something useless?  The Bible says that's wrong, too.  I know people secretly disobey that which they proclaim as right, like this.  They change the rules when dealing with a mixed race person, someone who can act European, probably, but is not allowed.  People are so vicious in wanting to be treated white.  They snap back like a snake in the grass!  I guess they aren't any better than other people in their desires at least.  You have to let people be who they want, and that includes other races.  Why am I on psychotic pills and told I am schizo?  Seems like most other people have the problem with the way things are and are becoming in the good change.  Sometimes, I worry people don't care about others, too.  Do you know people who have problems with everything?  I also don't like people who think everything others do means "d****."  If I can make something of my life, it should not be disposed of, regardless of who exists in the universe.  I just know things have not been perfect.  I find some of this amusing.  I have a problems blog and don't post every problem.  It seems, no matter what I do, I will just get trapped and attacked by the ways of the world and nice people who do it to stay popular/with a good reputation.   A lot of what I say is right and I still live miserably, like that's okay.  It's like they've wanted to say anything could make something seem right or wrong and they made their decision already, reveling in me seeming to be begging them, who for some reason have the ability to alter my life.  Some pretty mean stuff happened.  Yes, I feel threatened illegally.  No one should have to do this.  Some of it seems like a tradeoff, but it's still not okay.  People never tell me when they have a serious problem, and then I get in trouble anyway.

Some things aren't as bad, but I think people want to be punishing me.  I just run into issues in my personal life.  Some people are unbearably mean to me and it's hard to encounter some.

Apology for Anyone Innocent

I probably went off the edge being upset since my aunt came and she shed light on how people are hating me.  Not really, but it can be seen that way.

Apology

I think I was being too critical of someone in others's view, but I thought I was just commenting on things I didn't cause, like, or something.

I was also wondering why I would have to not imagine people as caricatures, like it's offensive in my private thoughts.  It helps me understand what people actually envision of themselves, maybe, or recept what they did in a mean way.

Apology

Sorry if negative thoughts come to me.  I didn't mean what is a big deal now.  It's not ever what I meant.  I just wanted to stop those silly thoughts.  I'm being told I did something and said something.  I didn't.  It just seemed like it with things getting at me.  I was on a walk.  You know, like a word coming up.

Problem

My dad keeps bothering my mom, like now when he finds out something I have thought he doesn't agree with having been thought or something.

He's mean to me and denies it sometimes, and he probably uses the excuse my mom is harsh on me for his liking to hurt her emotionally.

He is acting racist now supposedly because I watch Ellen DeGeneres, as tho she told him to do it or it's for her.  He's being overly protective of his family, as well.

I don't need my dad following my every thought and maneuvering my life for me.

Being Good

When you are good, pressure should be taken off or you'll emotionally suffocate.

Before and Now

Why was it easier before to not think things you shouldn't, whereas now negativity is prevalent to me?  When a negative thought comes up for some reason, people are mean to me.

Also, sometimes I think things and people take them as complete messages.  Then, I can't explain what I really think, which is my own business as is for anyone.  It's too late.

People seem to like life to be a test, where you have to challenge thoughts quickly using initial reactions when pushed meanly in if you are able to "think straight."  So, they are testy and catch you confused and with thoughts put in your mind by others.  Me, tho, sometimes I just think things I don't mean how it seems, piece for piece.  I don't go back and can't go back because it's too late.  I've been *caught*, already.

Some of this doesn't seem easy to solve.  It just makes me have to sacrifice.

Furthermore, I do feel my thoughts or that I am being pushed.  I can feel it.  Maybe, I need to think in new ways.

Problem

Google has a weird security test when you've posted too many posts.  The picture identification doesn't work and usually has tiny boxes to check.  Then you copy and paste some text.  Also, the picture identification like this doesn't say when you're right until a couple times.

Problem

They are blurting out threats now, I think.

Problem

I keep getting people being mean to me and people getting mad if I have a hard time dealing with their suggestions just to me.

Problem

They're dropping more problems on me..

What?

Are the people experimenting on me just jealous of me?  That's rather stupid if that's how it is.

Problem

Forget the famous people.  This is ridiculous.  I've been treated badly constantly by my parents.

Problem

I am not getting nice treatment just because I cursed about illegal noises in my room.

Problem

This is a lie.  They keep doing mean things and won't stop.

Problem

They are letting someone else do whatever she wants and giving her attention but not me in certain situations, like I did something and she didn't.

Problem

I'm just innocently trying to live my life, and I get told I'm bad.

I constantly am getting this at home from my parents and involving famous, popular people.  WT*?

Problem

They keep being mean to me and acting like I did something.

Problem

My parents weren't mean to me until I decided to stay home from college.. now they are too poor to afford a plane for me.

cont.

They also make little noises sometimes.

Problem

They keep being mean to me, the people experimenting on me watching me in my room and affecting when the computer loads to send a message.

Problem

My mom keeps acting mean to me cuza my dad.

You went crazy..

saying who did what.

So, yer not in trouble.

"Just lucky, I guess?"

Problem

That person they brought up is being mean, using extreme/cursing words/etc.

Problem

My dad thinks I have to agree that I'm bad now.  He's like, "I know."

Problem

They keep making me think of bad words and being ridiculously mean when it happens.

Like, I just posted this stuff and they're adding more to it.

"I hate to break it to ya

but you're not really innocent."

Problem

They're bringing in someone else, like I did something.

Problem

They keep acting like I did something punishable, like a thought in my head or feeling upset about something or people.

Problem

People on IMDb are getting mean private instructions from them to be mean to me.

Problem

They're messing with me now acting like they're Ellen.

They're also acting tacky, like, "Oh my God, did I just do that?"

Problem

So, I noticed you don't have to go all crazy and get mad at others.  You better stop.

Problem

They're all up in here acting like they can annoy me on the computer all day.  Why do they do it?

Glitch

I noticed something looks funny on Blogger when you post.

Do you know what they did?

They had someone comment on my Facebook posts for no reason, again.

So, do you know what they did?

They wanted it to be like my dad or aunt touching me in private when upset, and my aunt isn't stopping.

Watch This

Watch them race to do more things to me.

Problem

I'm sick of these people being mean to me in private via noises and the time and way my computer loads like every time.

Get a life!

I was eating breakfast and walking around the kitchen, and they just came all up.

Then, they proceeded to do more when I was upset, as usual, claiming it was my fault cuz I got upset.

Problem

They don't actually have something to offer to my family in a way, yet they sorta barged in and said something.

Problem

They keep adding more s***.

Problem

My dad is acting like he wants my possible future kids k***ed/gone..

N*****ing Me

They have someone I like coming into my life being mean to me over and over at will.

Problem

I have a thing.  I won't accept being hurt nor my family/people I know being so because of/for Ellen DeGeneres.  It wouldn't work the other way around, I'm saying.

Disclaimer:  No offense to Ellen DeGeneres.  I didn't mean anything bad by saying "because of/for."  Let me know if there's a problem.

I also heard Ellen DeGeneres isn't the one doing the hurting.  What is this, a physical exorcism?  What happened to you're good most all the time your whole life but you get bumped off for little things when young?

Apology

I am sorry for the poor nonwhite people I was upset at who stared at me mockingly.

Mass Attacking Me

I think they are mass attacking me now.

Problem

Why am I being told Ellen DeGeneres is fighting me, lingering on something I said she did in secret message when I didn't catch the show?

Problem

I feel hurt already.

Attacked

I am being mass attacked.

Not Funny

How is all the most famous, popular adults mad at me?

IMDb - The Soapbox

Who is the worst singer to exist?

by 

RussellWilson2013

 » 18 hours ago (Sat Oct 31 2015 19:55:44)Flag ▼ | Reply |  

IMDb member since July 2013

Justin Bieber gets my vote.

Is passionate about the Seahawks, Mariners, Grizzlies, Blues and Devils.

Re: Who is the worst singer to exist?

by 

ChristinaBarrett-FL1986

 » 15 seconds ago (Sun Nov 1 2015 13:51:51)Flag ▼ 

| Edit ▼ | Reply |  

IMDb member since November 2009

He's a nice guy, but Ellen seems to pimp him against her audience. Like, whoah, only fame rules! You know, she is mad every day, and I didn't want it to also be at me..

Eurasian

Problem

What did I do to Ellen DeGeneres?  I am sick of this.

Something Sad

I find something to make me upset when I am behind on Ellen DeGeneres.  I had a rough, partially busier week this week.  I'm a little apprehensive/"nervous" to turn it on.  Maybe tonight after a shower.

What else I have is ironing and hopefully some exercise.  I like to iron alone, too.

I see it is nice to watch Ellen, but I mean if I don't I don't like to get myself into a mess.  It's hard.  It seems people get upset at me, and I get upset at that, and it supposedly has to do with Ellen DeGeneres.  Even if I'm not outwardly upset nor like unusually more upset.

If someone doesn't like me, they don't have to worry.

I guess with the show, it's like I started watching positively more this season, but it wasn't enough.  I already am a loser with The Ellen DeGeneres Show, considered mean when I'm not really.  People know what I think, but I didn't say that.  It's like if I get upset, it meant I was upset at something I didn't talk about.

Well, I hope that people who are upset at me learn to forget about me and that things go better for people in their lives.

About what I said, I dunno.  You know where to find me.

OK, what's going on?

Is it okay to be mean to me cuz it might happen by accident, anyway?

Problem

People keep listening to my dad.  "He doesn't want" me to live in the world and sickly "just to see him."  This is a big problem.  They might be kidding, but still it's miserable with him.  He makes no sense.

Problem

They keep disturbing me.

Violated

I noticed my dad has been bothering me getting "too close" to me in ways because I said, "Oh no," when he came home by accident.  It's like he's stalking and had r***d me.

Apology

Someone read into a post the wrong way about "disposing" of people or simply thought this should stay hushed.  About what I think, I'm probably stuck on something negative.  It's no matter to me in real life, in this way.  Not sure if you wanted me to write this out.  I didn't think it was necessary, as I didn't name any names nor things.  Plus, some people don't like me writing apologies and things here.  I guess this is a serious apology.  I didn't mean anything bad.  Maybe, you just figured it that way.  Oh well, try and not do it again later and stay in check with this.

You know, it's hard to think of something to say, sometimes.  I guess you could wait and say something else later.

You know what..

..it happened

..but don't worry about it cuz it happens all the time

Friendly/Funny Check-Up

So, Ellen DeGeneres is big publicly emotionally-wise or comedically-wise?

I'm interested/care/concerned, how is she being supported and how are all her fans?

Quote From My Blog

Ghost #2: Talking About Negative Things
Should we be like some people who live in California and just proceed to smile at everything, with the only problem being if someone could die or be physically or mentally, not emotionally, harmed?

Let me know if what I wrote disturbs you/is disturbing, for some reason.

Not sure this is a shining moment of mine, but I know a lotta people supposedly stay out of trouble by not saying these things cuz it'd be letting out, in some cases, a lotta anger.

I don't mean anything in some sarcastic, twisted way.  There is an implication that is not simply the words, like do you know the person being spoken about, ..etc.

Agree something needed to be said in some remote recess of the universe?  Let me know!

Settles Down

*feeds Ellen a special pleasure orb*

How..

..can you tell me to relax if I am always freaked out about something I did when I was 11?

Problem

They always find something to blame me for.

I think they did this for my grandma, older aunt, and her husband.  They were being mean to me but pointed fingers at me for feeling upset.

Problem

I have to put up with this an hour every day or would know this is?

I wonder..

..how's it feeling??

Problem

They dared to say something about why I sorta had to m******** equaling this *beep*.

"In Trouble"

I'm in trouble with more than just Ellen DeGeneres stuff but should not be.

Adjustments

Is someone making some of the wrong adjustments in my family?

We - are - not - fa - mi - ly

I'm too tired..

..to be mad.  (about some thing..)

Fail?

It seems this experiment and family has failed.

Come on?

Is she God?

Opinion

Important yet not serious.

Opinion

Apparently, Ellen DeGeneres does not think it is serious.

Post Edit

link

Edit - Disclaimer: Not in an offensive way.

Ahead of the Game

All the people will see the Moments section and think of Ellen DeGeneres.

Wow!

Ellen's not your mom, so you just wanna get rid of her?

Well..

..What do you think she is, now?

Edit - Disclaimer: Not in an offensive way.

I bet..

..she's stimulated.

They did it on that I'm in trouble.  I'm not!  You all are mean.

Philosophy

Why is Ellen "even there?"  To be a "target" for all the attention?  No offense to Ellen.  For older people to fight over?

(If you are able to interpret/read this in a philosophical tone, you will realize I am not being negative but philosophical.  If not, then just know that's what it is.  It's sort of desperation.)

Problem

They acted like they did it because I was upset, like I did something, when they're being mean to me.

Problem

They added a "Moments" section to Twitter which shows news and top post c***.  It looks like they want it there to stimulate Ellen DeGeneres inappropriately and looks like something my grandma and oldest aunt support.  They need to stop being suggestive to her so she can perform her job.

Being Bad

You can't be bad to just some (nor all) people.

Pressing Issue for the General Public?

People can't hurt and beat other people down emotionally.

I'm getting fed up.

The people experimenting on me with ticks in my room etc. keep trying to freak me out like it's my fault.  I hate bossy people.

I'm a little insane.

I feel I am being very tested for my sanity.  Why are people so mean to me?

I guess the reason Ellen DeGeneres is so tough to me, for no cause and effect, substantial reason.. is because I am "already in trouble."

What I Learned From "What" I Know

I can't curse at something illegal that hurts me.

It's "all about" impressions.

I fail to believe I started out outright cursing anyone.  My intention is that I just mention the noises.

You know, they might also say they're just racist against me for being mixed race.

"Seeking Help"

I keep feeling sad I'm in trouble with Ellen DeGeneres-cuz I'm really good and feel misjudged as a person and abused into this when no one else is.  A lotta things in my life are unreasonable, mentally and morally.

Me Offensive?

Does any time I am smart, cool, calm, and collected about being in trouble .. offend you?

Looking for More

Are there other reasons contrapted for me being in trouble that I'm unaware of and for what reason am I unaware of them, cuz I have no one to ask?  I didn't imply I knew nothing, but it seems like there's more to it.

wuttup

Do you know what they're up to?  They've been watching to see when I check on something, etc., to provide remark.  A ha ha ha.

Messages

People give me inappropriate messages.  They oughta be locked  up?

Shooting

Someone on the Ellen Show today goes to that college.

Got Upset Once And..

Ever since I got upset this one time, every time they turn the air on or off feels like they're trying to upset me, if they control it.

Blasphemy

Why does my dad seem to blast at me all the time I see him every day, "That girl!" getting people to watch me and tell him what I'm thinking?  I was supposedly good and safe all my life, until he got his "excuse."

Problem Not Really Accounted For

These people or aliens watching me are really sick.

Did you know aliens are kind but good at surgery?

Sick and Close

Why does my dad seem to think I need him as a moral guide?  Like, he knows my thoughts and if they're off he gets to know and adjust it?  Like, not did you take a cookie, which we didn't have rules for.

Problem

People keep acting like nothing just happened, etc.

Issues

Some things are getting in the way of my soundness.

I'm trying to figure things out in advance to losing my mind.

No..

..I don't support certain kinds of things.

I'm a good person.

What is with this influx of unpleasantness?  No one in their right mind wants this.  Wish I could know more people like that.  Too bad people don't like networking on Facebook.

Why..

Why if I just feel upset do you "punish" me?  Whoever's telling anyone to do this is wrong.

Problem

Why are you people so discouraging to me when I post about something that's disturbing me?  Like, that's the only reason someone would attack, supposedly?

You can't just make rules that make no sense.  I would rather live in a way that's livable.  I feel made fun of but not others.

My Dad

I am not depressed, but I feel bad that my dad was trying to get close to me but kept acting like it was to punish me.  That's just confusing.  I hope he's not done.  He wasn't as pleasant afterwards.

You know, whenever people today seemed invasive to me, it's like it's my fault cuz I thought of curse words at the table while the Emmys were on.

I was thinking, why not just interact with hot white guys and get vibes from white people in this way?  You know, white guys with fair skin and light brown hair combed back with a bowl cut, for example.

Problem

They just can keep "punishing" me when they want.

Liars

Sometimes, I think some people lie to me that they're cool with me.

What?

Do you have strict orders from my father and you don't really do anything, in a way?

No..

I'm not listening to my relatives.  I'm not considering my grandma in my life like that as a mom in any way.  I didn't get to visit her when I was interested and she was still more relatable than in her older age.  Now, she is mean..

Am I gonna get another surprise message for living as I should at 29 and warding this possessive nature off in situations?  Like, "losing a friend" in some way like it was some joke?

My Rep

I care that I have a good reputation and live up to it.

Edit

I'm also posting it to my Facebook.

Also added as the beginning: "It's time to let it out there to be truthful."  To the end "No offense, just looking for some help if there is any.."

feeling pissed

Chance

There is a possibility 2 people are making it so I can't feel good how I want like before.  They seem to think I was the one who was being mean.  I was upset they were mean to me.  It is being made into a bigger deal than what really happened.

They're also possibly trying to manipulate my relationships in negative ways.

It's like when I was threatened that someone would be mean to me "if" anyone was just flat out nice to me.

It needs to be stopped because it's wrong and could catch on to anyone innocent..

Problem

They keep making noises at times to hurt me, like when the air goes on.  They're not being nice, like before.  I did get mad at them keeping trying to hurt me and hit my sofa before.  Now, they're not getting along.

Problem

They are mad I posted about a problem and so are giving me another..

Problem

People must be, like, drunk thinking I'm old like my dad and therefore the bad guy, like rolling their eyes like it's obvious and some party.  Any issue.  Like I have "some secret."

Problem

I have a freedom of speech, and I explain why I say what I say.

They've made one foot still feeling like someone's hand.

You can tell me "yourself" if you have a problem with what I say.

Glitch

I have to look on the side menu to see the names of files on my Chromebook.

Living With Guilt

People who curse and yell won't let me live a little.  They were mean to me 1st.  I wasn't mean to them.  I just felt abused socially.

It's not taboo to talk about it.  It might help fix it and not have it happen again.

I pinpointed what this was and didn't have to say who it was, tho you probably know if you read it..  My point is I think they're making a big deal out of it to start with.  The question is am I guilty or are they?  I should avoid these things, but I was ordered to come over, almost wasn't gonna.  I blended pretty well when being abused into the environment, how I felt bad.  If I don't wanna do something optional, whyever do it? I mean visiting people who are upset with me and don't care that much about seeing me.

Nothing wrong with posting like this.  I'm trying to fix the dilemma.  Someone thinks I should just go along and can't think and come to the conclusions.  If I didn't post about it here, how would I prevent other things from happening cuz I'm not?

And why make me feel "guilty" when people were mean to me?  Is this the new way of thinking?  Did you change it in the process?  (I'm not being sarcastic.)

This post is an F, but it the meat looked good.  Like, saying how I am not talking to them since they have something with me.  I think others do, too..  Should I not talk to anyone specifically?  I think I had it unfair.  Everyone knows, but they think me feeling like this is okay.

There, this was actually a pretty sensible, impersonal post, in a way.

I feel I have to make it out on my own.

Well..

Who's convinced they should get "involved" in me?

I was let alone, and then people started abusing me on the streets riling me up since 2006.

Another Grudge

They got me upset on the inside at age 2, and my Grandma is secretly involved..  I didn't want to walk on the beach and take off my shoes so I wouldn't have to clean my feet like some animal in front of my relatives.  I felt abused and like not as good because of my parents.

Talk about..

..holding a grudge.  How pathetic.  I didn't even mean it.  I had an abused childhood.  I probably was not as sharp.  "Not even a human?"

Problem

I forgot, I just forgot, to write my cousin in Indonesia, and my mom didn't remind me.  She didn't talk about getting fancy paper like hers, and I didn't know if I should ask.  I was young, had a bad life, and forgot.  My penpal from Russia and Canada also stopped writing to me, 1 before and maybe the other after.  I feel my parents secretly "did things" because of this.

Problem

I said, "Oh, no," when he came home, in a way by accident tho, cuz I was still doing homework, tho he didn't ask why I was upset nor get upset.

My life seems ruined; I felt his looming presence sucking the emotional/mental abilities out of me..  I used to look good and have friends.

Does anyone wanna talk about this?

How can I deal with people who have a grudge on me?

Why are people trying to make me mad just so they can pretend they need to teach me a lesson?

Glitch

Why is there a little dark gray "·" between the name of the blog and the word "Post" when you post?

Problem

So, people are saying I'm not that good.

Did you know my dad wants to use his force on all my life, says "misthoughts" are "misdeeds?"

So..

Why do people think I'm a guilty person?  They didn't before on the outside.

Whatto I do now?

My parents/people keep saying "Ellen says this, Ellen says that, you watch the show, but you don'know!"

Why..

Why would people use famous/popular people "at their disposal?"  The cheap answer is because it's okay if it makes me jealous.

I noticed

I noticed there are things other people say that I'm not supposed to.

Since when..

..does Blogger find it necessary to break up each day of posts into several pages?  I know I have a long list of tags.

If..

If anyone is mean to me, they just say they did it to make me look good (to foil me.)

Problem

What's with the idea that you think you all fooled me into being bad?

Problem

Taking a walk and it's all @ saving Bella Thorne and being mean to me.  Saying the name of someone she dealt with.  Saying Ellen said it to me.  Like I did something.

Problem

What'd I do now?  You're lying about what I said.

Some cars sound like they said I'm off with Ellen, well tomorrow which isn't important to anyone in any way of what else that could mean, too, possibly.  What?  Now, I heard, "She is never allowed to be with Ellen DeGeneres."  I am not the one being mean.  I don't hear people just say that to people.  Maybe, I won't.  You don't know for anyone, and it seems like she'd like some people.  I don't talk about those things, tho!  They just wanna know.  Well, now it's no and it doesn't have to be yes.

Something about this seems partly untrue and bothersome and sorta startling to hear said.  They're officially being mean acting like someone told them this.

I know this is bs.

So, I have nothing to worry about!

(Some of this is bs!  A ha ha!  I saw it.  I know how it was made.  Whatever I know..I know!  :D  )

Well..

..I guess I have nothing to worry about, just a little shocked and realized there were things that I haven't said.

What?

I didn't say what really upset me even.

What'd I "do" that's so bad, now?

*You looking for trouble?  Cuz I know "less popular" people pursue me.

*not in a sarcastic way - that phrase jumped up and bit me in the arse, no sarcastic intent

Problem

I keep getting freak messages via cars outside, the way my parents act, and the ticks in my room.

All the Worst Possible Things

It's a "thing" now to "unite" with my family, but I'm supposed to be outta the house in spirit and don't deserve no money.  I thought this Emmys thing was supposed to be okay.  I'm not the new bo'.

It's like being cut off from the world still at odds.

So what?  What "can't" I do?  I just think of curse words sometimes, like at the table, but try to stop.  It's not really any of anyone's business.  It is interesting it would be a threat to people who know me..

Problem

So, why/how would I want to assume what my mom tells me is a message from Ellen DeGeneres if she wants to be in peace in that way as a person?  Like when it's about her?  She is mad all the time, too.

So..

..yea, people seem especially mad at me, these days..

Problem

I don't know where they're taking what I really said.

Problem

I've been trying to be pretty nice lately, with no help from anyone else.

Problem

I wasn't mean to anyone, but others are mean to me and they always feel sorry for the other person.

Problem

I got upset thinking Ellen DeGeneres had someone ruin my nose.. and I was upset and now people think I'm the bad one and don't deserve a nice, good nose.

Problem

They keep overreacting, taking big things from me for what I see as little inconveniences because of my grandma and oldest aunt.  They are also being meaner because of someone else, being scared of my dad and maybe Ellen DeGeneres to be nice to me, all the popular people scared to not be meant to me!  They are really turning on the switch like I don't matter, a big change.  I get upset a little "by accident," they don't care they are really mean to me.  I can't "apologize" nor "feel sorry" for anything ever.  It's always something where they're really in the wrong and I'm "too late" to "perform" my best, for them!

Problem

Why are they trying to make me perverted with my parents and relatives?  Are they jealous?

Telegram

I think Ellen DeGeneres is trying to "punish" me and making it complicated in order to make it seem like she's not.

Why..

..do people seriously think I'm my dad?  They seem to happily go crazy over it.

(They make fun of him and assume I am the same way.)

What's wrong..

..with what I said?

Problem

What a way to ruin my life today.  I just felt upset and introverted.

Problem

They're just being wrong.

Problem

They keep doing it!!

Problem

What's wrong now?

Problem

If something little goes on, they always keep on making a big deal of it.  I am a good person, and you are abusing me.

Problem

They wanna fight.

Problem

They said my life would be worse in a week just for posting on my Problems blog about these kinds of things.  I don't need more to post.

Problem

I think I'm being told I'm trash.

Problem

They keep adding more things after I post!  They just said I couldn't meet someone, like it's something they decide.

Annoying

I think my mom started this weird, show offy treatment of me, like something equals "won't be it in a week" and whatnot that people do.  Like little things mean I can't do things.  Just picking at me randomly in very annoying ways.

Problem

They keep threatening me!  Like what I can feel and times to feel bad.

I Don't Deserve This

What did I do to deserve this?

Problem

I think Ellen wanted me to talk to my grandma more than my mom, trying to treat me like my dad's kid cuz he's technically older and stripping me of what I had that others can get that's better..

Angry

It feels like these weird new punishments "sprout" from my grandma and oldest aunt.  It's something I don't want to be picked at with, singularly.  You don't just go and do anything with anyone.

What?

Why do people keep acting like I've done something wrong?

Did you make your every move on some target?

How will I last my time well?  Tomorrow, I have a big day maybe, too.

It feels like every little bit of life is slowly going in the negative.

I don't see other people being brutally abused.  They think I'm some loser who can't take anything.

Oh, no!

Ellen was being friendly and I was too introverted to appreciate it.. it's too good to be true anyway.

Thanks..

..so, the little things people say to me are important/"true" even if bad.. but if it's about Ellen it's an important issue and they're in trouble.

So, what..

..why attack me??  Are you all looking for problems?  A lot has happened.  It's important..

Many Murdered

It seems like people did it on purpose to symbolize hatred for me.

Robin Williams
Michael Jackson
Whitney Houston
Mary from Peter, Paul, and Mary
Dom DeLuise..
Britney Murphey
Steve Irwin
the queen of the Netherlands/Holland?
airplane crash etc.
Cecil? the lion
..Heath Ledger

I have to admit I know aliens exist from TV..

I am not proud if "those people died because of me."

I know who most people would say, but I'm not sure of it as a project.  I know I come on trying to be good.  I don't know what's held at stake/hostage.  A lotta people are just so mean these days and to me.

If people are upset, it's for weird little things, like stomping my foot when people are racist, in public and upsetly..  I am not mean to people.  I just get upset when it's rapidfire attacking over a long period of time.

No offense nor accusations against no one found guilty.

Murder?

I wonder if Jim Carrey's girlfriend agreed to commit suicide.  She was an Irish makeup artist who was 28.  She dated since 2012, interestingly when I started watching Ellen.

Problem Solved, Problem Found

I just will ignore the anger when people take things from me....predictedly for no reason.

However, you know what Ellen said secretly?  Listen to everyone.

Interesting

Happy #YoureWelcomeWednesday pic.twitter.com/b2W5gdKO77

— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) September 30, 2015

It's like a threat.

You know..

..people with problems from others believe this blog is okay to post on.

So..

..why is my mom so adamant about Bella Thorne and Ellen DeGeneres?

Hard to Get

I feel as tho I've lost other important relationships.

1stly

I was telling myself my mom can't talk at me, then she started thinking of "punishing."

What to Think

Well, I already decided I can't tell Ellen what to do.  I guess when with people who won't shut up I don't like being made fun of.  If you wanna talk about it, you can't always talk at me.

They're just messing around "punishing" me..

That's funny, 1st I don't get much attention at all, and now I'm OJ.

Problem

They keep taking big emotional things from me and for no reason and it seems like it's for my grandma.

cont.

Oh, and what just happened with my mom etc.

Pretty Pepped

I was pretty pepped for Ellen's 13th season.

•I ended up staring like I didn't wanna feel bossed around, which my grandma and oldest aunt do to me.
•I thought of curse words at the table with my family with the people at the Emmys listening on me and now the world mostly knows.
•I found out Ellen lied when I found Bella Thorne could get something I supposedly was not punished for.
•I just felt upset that Ellen acted like I was submissive.

Can anyone fix the problem?

*wailing*

I can't be mean to anyone.  I can't hurt anyone.

I was actually in a pretty good mood.  No thanks to my parents trying to get me to believe I am just worthless trash.

Interesting

I don't really know what just happened to my mom, maybe a warning like I started something.

I came in all happy ready to eat.  She was acting meanly and more meanly.

I didn't wanna be mean back, as I never am.  I just told myself she's not on top, she can't tell me what to do.  She got more mean.

I guess I got upset for unrelated reasons.  Even tho she was upset, that's not why I was mad.

Weirdos Experimenting on Me

I'm a normal person.  I don't do this.

Question

Why is my grandma an issue?

SIck

I'm a good person and sick of being picked at every day like I need a lesson for starting mean things, which I don't.  My other problem is people thinking I'm bad like my dad, for weird intricate supposed fabricated reasons.

My Mom - Can anyone help me?

I was upset at her telepathic message to me, and she seemed physically distressed.

The funny thing is..

..many people disagree with the bad way people are treating or "punishing" me.  No one could care less unless they're Ellen with a big nose.

Ellen and Phil..

They both have older parents and think they are providing their audience with "the" experience of authenticity in time..  How old you gotta go!  1945 ain't bad.  Most people who are born in the 1800s are somewhat forgotten in some ways.

Mean to Me

Wow, people are so stupid.  I'm supposedly now have to be the bad side of my grandma, dad, mom..

Why am I not "in" already, then?

I'm swarmed by other people "playing around" with their thoughts on my grandma.  Why were people mean to her before and now that she's mean to me nice to her?

Problem

My grandma and oldest aunt think I'm bad and are threatening anyone who is nice to me, even Ellen DeGeneres.

Problem

When the experiment started, they weren't mean to me.  Now, they think they can finally do it.  It's been a pointless 10 years.

Question

What exactly is wrong with what I posted?

Problem

I always thought a Problems blog was a place where you posted your problems once and people would read it and it would get fixed.

People abuse me when I post here.  It's a vicious cycle.

Freedom of Speech

Since when are public blogs monitored for run-on statements? like the blog isn't that good? or rather limited to meaningless c***?

Problem

I'm really not feeling good, tho.  They made it so I can't feel that good, and if I do they snap at me.  They said it's something people like my grandma and oldest aunt want.

Why do some of you people always think I'm sarcastic?

I'm not!  I use a full range of vocabulary.

Did you just ask me a question?

And answer it for me?  What, should I post an explanation?

Maybe, I should not post this stuff..

..it's not that interesting.

What was that about?

Why is it a big deal I be bound to my parents?

Sleep

I can't seem to get it.

Problem

What you all up in my business?

Saying ooh look for what she do or she not do.

Problem

They are still treating me like an animal, just hurting me physically and stuff after all I said.

Problem

You all are the ones making the problems.  You snapped at me in bed when I was trying to feel good.  You acted like my grandma and oldest aunt could make me stop feeling good and enjoying Ellen, saying I started something.

Problem

They are messing with me on purpose like they're stint is cool and I'm just s***.  What, do you want me to get breast cancer?

Problem

I am feeling very miserable, watched, like I can't enjoy Ellen!

Problem

So, they don't care about me.  I say all this, and they just insult me and think I did something I know I deserve to have something taken from me for.  I can't listen to you.

In Other Shoes

How would you feel as me?

So, it's a big day tomorrow..

..somehow people have set up to get upset at me, how immature.  "A he he" ain't gonna cut it.  Yup, that's just what I said, take it or leave it.

It's silly things..

..like being upset I said something.

Answer?

Is me talking it out okay?  It's a bit much.  Can't expect anything from others about it.

So, I really need help.

I walk around the days pointlessly and miserably with people in the world talking at me, and my posting a little bowls over even more.  This is the world, people.

Did you know I slept in the day after Ellen hosted the Oscars on purpose when she filmed a live show?

I noticed Bella Thorne was just sleeping in London while the Emmy's were on.  I was ambushed, like Ellen feels a moral duty to me she wants severed.

I am not having fun.  It's not just "Ellen.."

I don't need this attention, but like any famous person I'd want to be respected.  I'm sick of what I'm seeing, people with superiority complexes and could get in a fight with them.  They always lighten up.  They are so lame and little do they realize I've done a lot of the same generation things as they have.

What did I do to deserve this?

Is it the curse word fetish?  Yes, I think so.  They just came up.  I tried to control my anger.

I feel that lame people in Hollywood set me up just to say this.

So..

..Ellen DeGeneres seems so upset it's gone on, as she said it would.  I'm getting lonely.  People I know are mean to me or don't talk to me, and I'm not left alone to daydream when I want.

Justification

People are telling me for silly reasons I "can't have" things.  I see it all over TV and Entertainment.  Sucks to be me.  So, here's my answer to them.  It's better than channeling messages via something like telepathy.  I just don't feel like doing it too much so I can be productive in life.  I don't know how I got here.  I feel like I'm being yelled at when I'm not even doing anything.

Problem

If what you all are doing is wrong, like say you did it to someone else, then why do it?

How I Feel

I think it's mean you all keep acting like my grandma and oldest aunt can dictate my life and in a negative, "senseless" way.  They need to be careful around us, not just us all around them.

I feel it is wrong and should be halted immediately.  If can't be then ignored again.

I'm just saying what's wrong, maybe that's not even how it is.  To fix it and prevent bad things from happening.

So..

You say yes to something, Ellen DeGeneres says no!
Ellen DeGeneres says yes.. you say no.

This must be quite the competition, pulling me out of bed in my room..  Like, there's nothing on TV.

There are actually other young Ellen fans on her Twitter hashtag and on her Facebook.  Most don't seem to have too much to say.  It might be worth figuring out.

Not sure what's going on..

..People never pay attention to me, but now people are being mean to me for choices I've made or haven't made.  This is my adult life, and it's my choice.  I understand you want to help, but most of you only made it worse.

Dreaming

My dad felt a twinge of discomfort and knows about my dream and acts like I don't deserve it/another/more.

I just made a blog post..

..and they said something bothersome "just in case" cuz I was saying I wasn't bad with something I wanted to talk about.

Problem

I thought of someone, and my heart rate went up.  It's a bit freaky as someone they knew died and they are sorta upset with me in private/on the inside.

Something's killing me..

..my lungs feel like they're like halting progress.

I ate too much last night, not a whole lot, and it hurt my back and I've been on painkillers like all day.

My heart rate went up when I ate, crackers and cookies.

I take too many pills.  I think the psychotic ones caused my need for the others as a side effect.  I need to get out, make some money acting.  That's what my career path is now, so there it is.  My mom said I have to take the psychotic pills if I live with her.

Staying Outta Trouble?

What could happen next?  Am I destined for being tricked into trouble unknowingly/lazily??  I know I'm on too many meds.  Do people want me in trouble?  Does this happen to most people?  Maybe, I should focus on being more European rather than being in la la land.

Problem/Apology

I submitted something with something weird I should take back but can't.  I was probably tired, tho I was taking better care of myself that most of that day..  Too happy for no reason.  I didn't seem to get it.  I put on a red flag about doing anything weird.  I did think of something while out that was weird, and there wasn't an escape, too..

And Out of Nowhere

Sometimes people mean just about anything and in the experiment you don't know who said it.  If it's a good idea, it has some meaning!

Problem

I notice they take things from me now whereas before they didn't.  They are maneuvering me.  They are saying I say things in ways I didn't say them.  I'm not even "just getting something out."  If you didn't like me for some reason, you should have said so in the 1st place.  They know I had a reason to say what I did and they know what it was.  They always "stretch the truth" of the idea of "how awful it is."

Problem

What do you think about making up "rules" for me? with "incredible" punishments?  No matter what I say, nothing will get rid of this.  I didn't do anything illegal, and I thought what I was doing was okay considering the situation and otherwise.  Something made it hard to think and figure it out, at the time, otherwise.  I receive no warning for numerous dislikes people have for what I do, and the consequence is illegal what they do to me.  I'm 29 and if someone is trying to make me uncomfortable is a problem.

Another thing to note is I'm not in trouble unless something else, technically not wrong, happens and my parents/dad get involved secretly and make me feel really bad almost all the time it seems.

It's been, like, 10 years, here in Orlando, Florida, US, and they won't stop.

This could be the root of the problem.  Life seemed to improve in the world until 2009.

Problem

People are making fun of my dad plus don't understand the difference between him and me.  I am left with only him or, like, no one in my life when I have no friends.. so I don't learn much from different people, like most people, tho I try hard networking online more than others, it seems, who have friends, even via social media ways of keeping in touch.  This has set me off track and made me go a little insane.

Problem

I can't get thru the day I'm so depressed.  It feels like when I moved to Louisiana and I had no friends and gained some weight and had insufficient outlet to exercise in a way that was beneficial to me.  No one can make me feel better.  I already have been seeing a therapist.  I also have a psychiatrist who keeps me on the same medicine.

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Christina Ann Joanna Barrett looking for help

Just now · Orlando, FL · 

Do you know anyone who's mean just because they think someone wants to make sure someone is mean to you? Some obscure nil possibility? Don't pretend you don't understand! like so many people on the real internet.. It's an excuse to be mean to someone, just because they know someone else will be anyway. Let's not look for a fight but an answer. This is a good post. I post what I want. I'm me, you're not me, you don't tell me what to do. I am 29 and considered a competent individual. I am not mad. Everything I say doesn't have to be interpreted as tho I went lengths to make it sarcastic. It's a legitimate point and one of the only things relevant in my life, at the moment, in a way. I didn't say anything bad. It's my life, and I can do anything that is legal that I want. I hope you found the meat of this post interesting and the disclaimer on what I really mean appropriate. I don't think anyone will answer much, but it's that kind of post where it relates to a real issue well that could exist for you. In the end, it also matters. Do you wanna tell me what I do that's bad? Everyone can't do anything they want to me. I always have a reason for doing what I do! I can't believe this would happen to me.. I'm on my own in life. I communicate the supposed par ideal. It's the answer to every movie, the typical lessons people face..and a little different. I'm me and I have a right to say and do what I want as is legal. I'm not trying to sound like I'm yelling but was explaining why I posted something contradictory. There. This seems like a good idea. It's also gonna be available on my Problems blog. My thinking is straight and to the point. Most people are in some other world.. You'll find it's too late to change when it's too late. Thank you for listening and letting me post this to you. My point was at the beginning of this post. Some of it was funning in a weird way but not sarcastic. Perhaps, you are upset because you do not hold the answer. It would be nice if you had some kind of excuse. I am not trying to fight but, like, "debate." ..debate a point. I know you are still wondering why I posted this.

Something Wrong to the World

They think if someone is legitimately mad that it means they're in trouble just like them.

I've heard this was an issue of sorts with an older generation, born in the late 1960s and the earlier 1970s.

When It's Okay for Sure
Is it sometimes right to be upset?  We'll start with the basics and say we know it's okay to be mad if someone is murdered.  So, does anyone dare to cross that line?  I don't think the outcome is to smash things but to cry and talk about it, being upset or "mad."

So, how mad should you get for certain things?

Why I'm Mad
I'm mad because I'm a good person, pretty smart and with know-how in basic things, like feelings.  However, people are always "testing" me and think I'm a "bad egg/nut" suddenly as of maybe 2006.

Problem

I felt something in my ring nail, tho I don't have to worry about this.

Problem

They are lashing at me all the time, my oldest aunt and grandma, with me not being able to feel what I want anymore supposedly yes or no, don't even know, for something I did.

Problem

They're jumping at me with things that supposedly some have reason.

Problem

My mom also seems "self-satisfied."  Like I'm just s***.

Problem

I had to end my story.

Problem

They are threatening my oldest aunt into my life to make me worship s*** about others.

Problem

My mom is sending mean secret messages like I'm just gonna deal with it.  They tend to do these mean things, even if I don't say anything.  I'm writing a story, and they rubbed in someone in a bad way.  What if this memory comes back, too?  I don't hurt people with this.  I'm actually pretty serious about what happens.

She's just doing whatever she wants like "zing zanging" cuz I was splashing around etc. in the tub when feeling bad.  It was an interesting experience, probably because of last night.  She just acts like I'm some weirdo as I got off to my room to report "what comes out."

You might think it doesn't matter if it happens to me, but my mom had a certain attitude, too.

So what if I'm mad?  They are being mean.

What about my story?  I'm writing one!  They bothered me.

I was trying to feel better, but I just can't.  It's just "unfortunate."  No one else has this happen to them.

They're messing up the feel of the story!  Why do they keep taking from me?

My mom is being bemused, giddy, and, I forget, like "delirious" but like she's on top of me here.  It's a negative effect.

I also need to get to bed for a big day tomorrow, which should have been today or yesterday and before, but I had bad experiences.

They keep inflicting people on me now.

I could let it go, but something about it seemed big.

Problem

They are threatening me, like there has to be a balance where things aren't what I want, like someone putting me too close to my parents in weird ways.  And it's not because they tuned in at the Emmys.

They seem to think that's what they want but that - I forget.

They do expensive things that bring on irritation in clear cut messages with a good side highlighted.

Problem

My oldest aunt replied to my Facebook post, and they are suggesting what she suggests.

Problem

They made the reload button randomly go to an "x" for awhile.

Problem

Why are you acting like everything is okay and I have no reason to feel sad/upset?

Problem

I was going to lay in the tub to feel better with my female thing.

Problem

They keep at me and iterating over and over about if I look up to someone like a parent.

Problem

See, they mess with me if something goes wrong, like a hobby, but I was not the mean one.

Problem

I just got a message about "a little sister" to do with someone I like.

Just Way Too Mad

I was upset that supposedly my nose didn't matter, like a game.  Everyone says I'm a really good person.  Why would this happen to me for no reason?

Problem

My aunt is threatening me.. this is too much.

Dear Journal..

..I was mad in the bathtub splashing and spinning and stretching around, probably a crime.

One thing I realized was I didn't wanna be told what to do, like that I can't release anger in private.  Why is my oldest aunt an adopted mother for me?  I'm 29.  I already have a mom, dead or alive, which she is alive and I live with her.  I find that suggestive.  She always thought the most of me, for whatever reason.  Did someone tell her to change??

Earlier today-I forget, they were a distraction.

I also wonder why they ruined my life.  My parents, the experiment.  Why was my hair so f****in' black?  No one sees me for who I am because my hair is not blonde.  They separated us as babies and decided whose hair to lighten and whose hair to darken.  Well, there was no reward for what they said was good as black when we were not even fully conscious and stuff as babies.  I could only wonder why some people have black hair and why non-white people only like the white people with blonde hair.

I don't really get it..

..why would I be worse than my dad?  He was cradling his plate today like "he has control."  That's quite the opposite.  We've, like, been thru this, but then he goes and has to move to Orlando and do these things.  One thing that seems terribly wrong I didn't know, and my life is over.

And what's with people out of Orlando thinking they got it over me when they didn't!

Problem

I try harder to have a good day, and other people try hard to bother me.

Problem

My mom gave me the cramp.  It still hurts.  I don't know when I'll get better.  So what if I writhe and slap my sofa in the privacy of my room?  It's not like I'm being mean like they are.  It made me feel better apparently, and then she made me feel like this.

Problem

I think my dad may have a problem.  He has a ***ual addiction to me to wanna see me suffer for being a mixed mutt.  He like glares at me for little things I think.

I tried to stop acting upset at the table, and when I thought that my dad "didn't wanna miss it" and bothered me more.  I didn't have much time left.

Sad

My life is so miserable and tragic and nasty.  What?  I need a new shelf before things are right?

Sad

They took it upon themselves to feel sorry for themselves at supper when they were bothering me and I acted kinda upset.

Problem

So, who's having a strange "issue" with younger people?

Okay, but..

Since when am I the kind of person to be treated worse than others?

Problem

My parents were acting annoyingly and I think made me feel bad for thinking, "Stop it," and upset using my utensils.  I was calm some of the time.  I guess I was still riled up, time to eat when I came back from my jog and my iTunes don't work.  I dunno, I feel bad now cuz that's not for me to be that way.  What can I do?  Sometimes, I just go crazy and can't think.  I guess I just have to take it myself.  Too late now, yea.  I feel sorry for my mom.

Problem

My parents acted like they had different voices talking to me,

Problem

Some people just don't seem to get the point.  Like, you make yourself go all out to explain it, and you're wrong.  They assume any little thing is offensive.  What if someone meant something, anyway, I'd wonder.  You don't have to go insane over that..

Problem

My dad wouldn't stop being annoying and mom.  And I'm very upset that's cuz they broadcasted me eating supper with my fam during the Emmys.  I knew they'd do that.  I wasn't trying to make a problem.

Problem

I keep feeling like my toes and feet are being pulled at.

Problem

So, 1 of their games is to twist what I said into hurting me and helping someone else, "or else."

Problem

I'm tired of being in trouble for no reason all the time.

Problem

It was about hurting me.

Problems

Why do I have to delete it?  It fits in!  It's not even that bad.  I don't know who it applies to for sure, I think.

Problem

So what, if I said what I said?  You don't even care about apologies.

Problem

Did you seriously just say I have to be tortured all the time just to meet someone?

Problem

They won't stop.

Problem

The volume on my tablet laptop with the iTunes is very soft.

Problem

Now, because of my grandma and oldest aunt they are taking big things from me if they feel upset at some remote thing.

Problem

My parents secretly make it so I can't sing and things.

I was upset they treated me like an imp and a n***** when I was little and were mad I was jealous of others.  They somehow "knew" and did stuff.  I was only 2, but this was a private thought anyway and I was abused I feel secretly.  Anyone would get away accepting they hate me for my mixed race.

Problem

They keep being mean to me "cuza yer dad."  How pathetic.  Anyone would go along just to be safe and no one cares about me.  My dad harbors a hidden rage.

Problem

You think what I did wrong was just saying this!  I'm not gonna live with my grandma and aunt saying this.  It's lasted too long, anyway.

Also

My mom said it's it, one thing I can't have.. they can't keep being mean to me like that.  It was one of the most important things.  What if you were taunted about your job?

Problem

My mom was walking like she was injuring me putting plates in my head.

They won't give me a rest!

I thought of 2 bad words and felt really bad and squirmed.  They will say "it's not it" tomorrow.

Problem

My mom secretly said as I got up to get my food, "This is this.  You are not allowed to do this."  I was just going online doing something I like.

They wanted me punished for one thing, feeling good, going for the top but skipped life.

Anyone Else Upset for Me??

If so, I mean, you left me stuck in bed or tired at the computer talking about hurting me, no sleep then.

Problem

I didn't even wanna go see my grandma.  She was like yelling at me to come, acting hysterical.  One thing wrong, they can't get over it and keep bothering me, "like animals."

Problem

They are associating memories.

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Christina Ann Joanna Barrett thinking about doing something crazy

Just now · Orlando, FL · 

Some people have had the doctor order change in my life that isn't going away. They think I have done wrong and are treating me like a kid, being mean to me like they are punishing me. It has happened for an unusually long time, when I never meant ill on anyone. I haven't exactly lashed out at them on my Problems Blog but have reported it there. By the way, if someone is being hurt, they have the right to feel upset and talk about it, tho it's probably better if they don't take it too seriously. The thing is I could go in and smile, but I really can't put up with one problem after the next. I don't really know where this one is coming from.

They are snapping at me if I feel good is what it is. They have upscaled their value by doing this to me. There are little noises in my room..

The only thing I am wondering if it's not just being mean/"punishing" me. I used to have nice dreams a few years ago. For some strange reason, I bumped my forehead in the bathroom, not that hard, and these cool dreams stopped. Someone probably sliced their hand in front of my brain and even remembering normal dreams watered away.

So, I see it as I was not very bad so it's bad they are taking away my pleasure. They see it as I was mad on the inside and seemed like they could tell my sadness of not feeling well on the outside but don't care cuz they did it and that therefore something big is what I don't deserve.

Technically, they can't do it, but they just strung together the meaning and did it.

This has went on a relatively long time if not for good. They wrongly wanna play safe by being mean to me and acting like they didn't just do it but I deserve it.

I don't know if I can deal with this misfortune and the juggling of who did what. If it's someone I know, I have a problem cuz it's not for them to decide. I think I sorta know who started what with the big picture. They think they can "punish" me for no good reason in my 20s. I'm 29. Like, if I did poor in school cuz something happened, if I used a store card and want to pay it back with allowance.. hard to think of much else that relates to this.

Someone in my life has gone insane, too, and they keep rubbing them in.

They've supposedly convinced other to be mean to me.