Violated

I noticed my dad has been bothering me getting "too close" to me in ways because I said, "Oh no," when he came home by accident.  It's like he's stalking and had r***d me.

Apology

Someone read into a post the wrong way about "disposing" of people or simply thought this should stay hushed.  About what I think, I'm probably stuck on something negative.  It's no matter to me in real life, in this way.  Not sure if you wanted me to write this out.  I didn't think it was necessary, as I didn't name any names nor things.  Plus, some people don't like me writing apologies and things here.  I guess this is a serious apology.  I didn't mean anything bad.  Maybe, you just figured it that way.  Oh well, try and not do it again later and stay in check with this.

You know, it's hard to think of something to say, sometimes.  I guess you could wait and say something else later.

You know what..

..it happened

..but don't worry about it cuz it happens all the time

Friendly/Funny Check-Up

So, Ellen DeGeneres is big publicly emotionally-wise or comedically-wise?

I'm interested/care/concerned, how is she being supported and how are all her fans?

Quote From My Blog

Ghost #2: Talking About Negative Things
Should we be like some people who live in California and just proceed to smile at everything, with the only problem being if someone could die or be physically or mentally, not emotionally, harmed?

Let me know if what I wrote disturbs you/is disturbing, for some reason.

Not sure this is a shining moment of mine, but I know a lotta people supposedly stay out of trouble by not saying these things cuz it'd be letting out, in some cases, a lotta anger.

I don't mean anything in some sarcastic, twisted way.  There is an implication that is not simply the words, like do you know the person being spoken about, ..etc.

Agree something needed to be said in some remote recess of the universe?  Let me know!

Settles Down

*feeds Ellen a special pleasure orb*

How..

..can you tell me to relax if I am always freaked out about something I did when I was 11?

Problem

They always find something to blame me for.

I think they did this for my grandma, older aunt, and her husband.  They were being mean to me but pointed fingers at me for feeling upset.

Problem

I have to put up with this an hour every day or would know this is?

I wonder..

..how's it feeling??

Problem

They dared to say something about why I sorta had to m******** equaling this *beep*.

"In Trouble"

I'm in trouble with more than just Ellen DeGeneres stuff but should not be.

Adjustments

Is someone making some of the wrong adjustments in my family?

We - are - not - fa - mi - ly

I'm too tired..

..to be mad.  (about some thing..)

Fail?

It seems this experiment and family has failed.

Come on?

Is she God?

Opinion

Important yet not serious.

Opinion

Apparently, Ellen DeGeneres does not think it is serious.

Post Edit

link

Edit - Disclaimer: Not in an offensive way.

Ahead of the Game

All the people will see the Moments section and think of Ellen DeGeneres.

Wow!

Ellen's not your mom, so you just wanna get rid of her?

Well..

..What do you think she is, now?

Edit - Disclaimer: Not in an offensive way.

I bet..

..she's stimulated.

They did it on that I'm in trouble.  I'm not!  You all are mean.

Philosophy

Why is Ellen "even there?"  To be a "target" for all the attention?  No offense to Ellen.  For older people to fight over?

(If you are able to interpret/read this in a philosophical tone, you will realize I am not being negative but philosophical.  If not, then just know that's what it is.  It's sort of desperation.)

Problem

They acted like they did it because I was upset, like I did something, when they're being mean to me.

Problem

They added a "Moments" section to Twitter which shows news and top post c***.  It looks like they want it there to stimulate Ellen DeGeneres inappropriately and looks like something my grandma and oldest aunt support.  They need to stop being suggestive to her so she can perform her job.

Being Bad

You can't be bad to just some (nor all) people.

Pressing Issue for the General Public?

People can't hurt and beat other people down emotionally.

I'm getting fed up.

The people experimenting on me with ticks in my room etc. keep trying to freak me out like it's my fault.  I hate bossy people.

I'm a little insane.

I feel I am being very tested for my sanity.  Why are people so mean to me?

I guess the reason Ellen DeGeneres is so tough to me, for no cause and effect, substantial reason.. is because I am "already in trouble."

What I Learned From "What" I Know

I can't curse at something illegal that hurts me.

It's "all about" impressions.

I fail to believe I started out outright cursing anyone.  My intention is that I just mention the noises.

You know, they might also say they're just racist against me for being mixed race.

"Seeking Help"

I keep feeling sad I'm in trouble with Ellen DeGeneres-cuz I'm really good and feel misjudged as a person and abused into this when no one else is.  A lotta things in my life are unreasonable, mentally and morally.

Me Offensive?

Does any time I am smart, cool, calm, and collected about being in trouble .. offend you?

Looking for More

Are there other reasons contrapted for me being in trouble that I'm unaware of and for what reason am I unaware of them, cuz I have no one to ask?  I didn't imply I knew nothing, but it seems like there's more to it.

wuttup

Do you know what they're up to?  They've been watching to see when I check on something, etc., to provide remark.  A ha ha ha.

Messages

People give me inappropriate messages.  They oughta be locked  up?

Shooting

Someone on the Ellen Show today goes to that college.

Got Upset Once And..

Ever since I got upset this one time, every time they turn the air on or off feels like they're trying to upset me, if they control it.

Blasphemy

Why does my dad seem to blast at me all the time I see him every day, "That girl!" getting people to watch me and tell him what I'm thinking?  I was supposedly good and safe all my life, until he got his "excuse."

Problem Not Really Accounted For

These people or aliens watching me are really sick.

Did you know aliens are kind but good at surgery?

Sick and Close

Why does my dad seem to think I need him as a moral guide?  Like, he knows my thoughts and if they're off he gets to know and adjust it?  Like, not did you take a cookie, which we didn't have rules for.

Problem

People keep acting like nothing just happened, etc.

Issues

Some things are getting in the way of my soundness.

I'm trying to figure things out in advance to losing my mind.

No..

..I don't support certain kinds of things.

I'm a good person.

What is with this influx of unpleasantness?  No one in their right mind wants this.  Wish I could know more people like that.  Too bad people don't like networking on Facebook.

Why..

Why if I just feel upset do you "punish" me?  Whoever's telling anyone to do this is wrong.

Problem

Why are you people so discouraging to me when I post about something that's disturbing me?  Like, that's the only reason someone would attack, supposedly?

You can't just make rules that make no sense.  I would rather live in a way that's livable.  I feel made fun of but not others.

My Dad

I am not depressed, but I feel bad that my dad was trying to get close to me but kept acting like it was to punish me.  That's just confusing.  I hope he's not done.  He wasn't as pleasant afterwards.

You know, whenever people today seemed invasive to me, it's like it's my fault cuz I thought of curse words at the table while the Emmys were on.

I was thinking, why not just interact with hot white guys and get vibes from white people in this way?  You know, white guys with fair skin and light brown hair combed back with a bowl cut, for example.

Problem

They just can keep "punishing" me when they want.

Liars

Sometimes, I think some people lie to me that they're cool with me.

What?

Do you have strict orders from my father and you don't really do anything, in a way?

No..

I'm not listening to my relatives.  I'm not considering my grandma in my life like that as a mom in any way.  I didn't get to visit her when I was interested and she was still more relatable than in her older age.  Now, she is mean..

Am I gonna get another surprise message for living as I should at 29 and warding this possessive nature off in situations?  Like, "losing a friend" in some way like it was some joke?

My Rep

I care that I have a good reputation and live up to it.

Edit

I'm also posting it to my Facebook.

Also added as the beginning: "It's time to let it out there to be truthful."  To the end "No offense, just looking for some help if there is any.."

feeling pissed

Chance

There is a possibility 2 people are making it so I can't feel good how I want like before.  They seem to think I was the one who was being mean.  I was upset they were mean to me.  It is being made into a bigger deal than what really happened.

They're also possibly trying to manipulate my relationships in negative ways.

It's like when I was threatened that someone would be mean to me "if" anyone was just flat out nice to me.

It needs to be stopped because it's wrong and could catch on to anyone innocent..

Problem

They keep making noises at times to hurt me, like when the air goes on.  They're not being nice, like before.  I did get mad at them keeping trying to hurt me and hit my sofa before.  Now, they're not getting along.

Problem

They are mad I posted about a problem and so are giving me another..

Problem

People must be, like, drunk thinking I'm old like my dad and therefore the bad guy, like rolling their eyes like it's obvious and some party.  Any issue.  Like I have "some secret."

Problem

I have a freedom of speech, and I explain why I say what I say.

They've made one foot still feeling like someone's hand.

You can tell me "yourself" if you have a problem with what I say.

Glitch

I have to look on the side menu to see the names of files on my Chromebook.

Living With Guilt

People who curse and yell won't let me live a little.  They were mean to me 1st.  I wasn't mean to them.  I just felt abused socially.

It's not taboo to talk about it.  It might help fix it and not have it happen again.

I pinpointed what this was and didn't have to say who it was, tho you probably know if you read it..  My point is I think they're making a big deal out of it to start with.  The question is am I guilty or are they?  I should avoid these things, but I was ordered to come over, almost wasn't gonna.  I blended pretty well when being abused into the environment, how I felt bad.  If I don't wanna do something optional, whyever do it? I mean visiting people who are upset with me and don't care that much about seeing me.

Nothing wrong with posting like this.  I'm trying to fix the dilemma.  Someone thinks I should just go along and can't think and come to the conclusions.  If I didn't post about it here, how would I prevent other things from happening cuz I'm not?

And why make me feel "guilty" when people were mean to me?  Is this the new way of thinking?  Did you change it in the process?  (I'm not being sarcastic.)

This post is an F, but it the meat looked good.  Like, saying how I am not talking to them since they have something with me.  I think others do, too..  Should I not talk to anyone specifically?  I think I had it unfair.  Everyone knows, but they think me feeling like this is okay.

There, this was actually a pretty sensible, impersonal post, in a way.

I feel I have to make it out on my own.

Well..

Who's convinced they should get "involved" in me?

I was let alone, and then people started abusing me on the streets riling me up since 2006.

Another Grudge

They got me upset on the inside at age 2, and my Grandma is secretly involved..  I didn't want to walk on the beach and take off my shoes so I wouldn't have to clean my feet like some animal in front of my relatives.  I felt abused and like not as good because of my parents.

Talk about..

..holding a grudge.  How pathetic.  I didn't even mean it.  I had an abused childhood.  I probably was not as sharp.  "Not even a human?"

Problem

I forgot, I just forgot, to write my cousin in Indonesia, and my mom didn't remind me.  She didn't talk about getting fancy paper like hers, and I didn't know if I should ask.  I was young, had a bad life, and forgot.  My penpal from Russia and Canada also stopped writing to me, 1 before and maybe the other after.  I feel my parents secretly "did things" because of this.

Problem

I said, "Oh, no," when he came home, in a way by accident tho, cuz I was still doing homework, tho he didn't ask why I was upset nor get upset.

My life seems ruined; I felt his looming presence sucking the emotional/mental abilities out of me..  I used to look good and have friends.

Does anyone wanna talk about this?

How can I deal with people who have a grudge on me?

Why are people trying to make me mad just so they can pretend they need to teach me a lesson?

Glitch

Why is there a little dark gray "·" between the name of the blog and the word "Post" when you post?

Problem

So, people are saying I'm not that good.

Did you know my dad wants to use his force on all my life, says "misthoughts" are "misdeeds?"

So..

Why do people think I'm a guilty person?  They didn't before on the outside.

Whatto I do now?

My parents/people keep saying "Ellen says this, Ellen says that, you watch the show, but you don'know!"

Why..

Why would people use famous/popular people "at their disposal?"  The cheap answer is because it's okay if it makes me jealous.

I noticed

I noticed there are things other people say that I'm not supposed to.

Since when..

..does Blogger find it necessary to break up each day of posts into several pages?  I know I have a long list of tags.

If..

If anyone is mean to me, they just say they did it to make me look good (to foil me.)

Problem

What's with the idea that you think you all fooled me into being bad?

Problem

Taking a walk and it's all @ saving Bella Thorne and being mean to me.  Saying the name of someone she dealt with.  Saying Ellen said it to me.  Like I did something.

Problem

What'd I do now?  You're lying about what I said.

Some cars sound like they said I'm off with Ellen, well tomorrow which isn't important to anyone in any way of what else that could mean, too, possibly.  What?  Now, I heard, "She is never allowed to be with Ellen DeGeneres."  I am not the one being mean.  I don't hear people just say that to people.  Maybe, I won't.  You don't know for anyone, and it seems like she'd like some people.  I don't talk about those things, tho!  They just wanna know.  Well, now it's no and it doesn't have to be yes.

Something about this seems partly untrue and bothersome and sorta startling to hear said.  They're officially being mean acting like someone told them this.

I know this is bs.

So, I have nothing to worry about!

(Some of this is bs!  A ha ha!  I saw it.  I know how it was made.  Whatever I know..I know!  :D  )

Well..

..I guess I have nothing to worry about, just a little shocked and realized there were things that I haven't said.

What?

I didn't say what really upset me even.

What'd I "do" that's so bad, now?

*You looking for trouble?  Cuz I know "less popular" people pursue me.

*not in a sarcastic way - that phrase jumped up and bit me in the arse, no sarcastic intent

Problem

I keep getting freak messages via cars outside, the way my parents act, and the ticks in my room.

All the Worst Possible Things

It's a "thing" now to "unite" with my family, but I'm supposed to be outta the house in spirit and don't deserve no money.  I thought this Emmys thing was supposed to be okay.  I'm not the new bo'.

It's like being cut off from the world still at odds.

So what?  What "can't" I do?  I just think of curse words sometimes, like at the table, but try to stop.  It's not really any of anyone's business.  It is interesting it would be a threat to people who know me..

Problem

So, why/how would I want to assume what my mom tells me is a message from Ellen DeGeneres if she wants to be in peace in that way as a person?  Like when it's about her?  She is mad all the time, too.

So..

..yea, people seem especially mad at me, these days..

Problem

I don't know where they're taking what I really said.

Problem

I've been trying to be pretty nice lately, with no help from anyone else.

Problem

I wasn't mean to anyone, but others are mean to me and they always feel sorry for the other person.

Problem

I got upset thinking Ellen DeGeneres had someone ruin my nose.. and I was upset and now people think I'm the bad one and don't deserve a nice, good nose.

Problem

They keep overreacting, taking big things from me for what I see as little inconveniences because of my grandma and oldest aunt.  They are also being meaner because of someone else, being scared of my dad and maybe Ellen DeGeneres to be nice to me, all the popular people scared to not be meant to me!  They are really turning on the switch like I don't matter, a big change.  I get upset a little "by accident," they don't care they are really mean to me.  I can't "apologize" nor "feel sorry" for anything ever.  It's always something where they're really in the wrong and I'm "too late" to "perform" my best, for them!

Problem

Why are they trying to make me perverted with my parents and relatives?  Are they jealous?

Telegram

I think Ellen DeGeneres is trying to "punish" me and making it complicated in order to make it seem like she's not.