STOP

LOOK LEAVE ME ALONE.  I'M TIRED OF ELLEN'S FETISHES AND MY GRANDMA'S.

STOP

You know, Ellen really has a fetish.  Whoever you are, will you quit these messages?

LEAVE ME ALONE

Why do I keep getting insulting messages about Ellen?  Supposedly from her.  She seems to not care if people think that.

STOP

Why are people kidding around with me?  Why is this the attention I get?  I don't need to revel in past discomforts.

Consensus

I was taking a walk and out, and everyone was disgusted by the likes of Ellen but didn't want to blame her.  Like, my dad was being mean to me.  Since talking to my grandma, he was acting like he could stimulate me.  STOP!  Listen to me.  You just listen to bad words.  Look, leave me alone.  I'm 26.  If you did this to me when I was younger, you'd get in trouble.  I see you think my dad is attractive for hurting me like a roller coaster.  He doesn't care about how I felt all these years.  All the homework I had to stay up late finishing.  3 A.M. every night?  No nap?

STOP

I KEEP GETTING THESE WEIRD IMPERSONATIONS OF ELLEN.  SHE KEEPS TALKING BACK IN PRIVATE!  Wow, I guess she's mean online because that's online, the way my page loads.  I don't know if she really did it, but she seems to have helped caused it.  I'm tired of her shit on black people, or did my dad command you to do it?  Didn't I just get mad at Johnny Depp for that?  Wow, I could get outta here and live my life and put you in your place.

STOP

LOOK, QUIT BEING MEAN TO ME.

I'M TIRED OF REVELING IN YOUR ... "SHIT!"

I'm tired of putting up with this shit.

The Mad Negro

So, what do you think of the new idea of the mad black person?  It's kinda disgusting.  It threw me off on my walk.  Things shouldn't be this way.  I hope this gets over with soon.  Like, uneven eyeballs, veins popping out, skin stretching and watering over.

Where did the idea come from?  I had on my website before that I was plagued of an ad of a tall, thin black woman with a laptop being Ellen DeGeneres.  I kept hearing clicks and stuff and being reminded in a way that that was her to me, which is bad.  It's kinda stopped.  I mean, it both hurt me and made me feel bad about the idea, in general, of course.  What else is there to say?

So... I dunno.  I'm getting this idea from Ellen DeGeneres.  She just had a bunch of black people on her show and seemed friendly to them.  She's trying to get it over with.  I got, like, ideas of sounds of her with a deep voice, too, but not in a way that felt good for me.

So, I don't believe it was me that concocted this and am concerned.  It seems to be going away.

I also got the idea she thought I was like kinda thick yet slippery and bony and scant, overly stimulated in a metallic way with square, stimulated, really thick, smooth fingernails, kinda short, glasses, straight flippy black hair, like moving my fingers in a funny way, excited at the keyboard, like I was stimulated having a father born in 1950 but, like, dorky not having him be born later.  :/

I don't like how people have totaled me as shit over others of my race.

You know, I really felt female compared to my dad.  It's hard to take females seriously these days.  Why are the men so old-fashioned?  Think about Johnny Depp.  I mean, I wanted to be cool like a man.  I seemed tacky, too.  I'm glad my mom is so different from my dad.  It brings out the best in me.  I don't believe it's the dad who lays the egg.  Boys grow to be like their dads.

O K

I keep getting messages and am being psyched into certain sentiments on different levels.  This is unnecessary.

Help!

I need to live like in a dorm and have a break.  I can't live here.  I can't relax.

One of My Contact Lenses

My right contact is stinging.  I told my mom I need more, but I might have to buy it myself later.

MY FEELINGS

It's like I can't feel okay in my sack area.  I try to let go, but sometimes I feel there.

*shit*

Why don't I have other shitty people to talk to, too?  Even that Autistic girl is too good for me.  Mustn't be from the South.

Really Tortured

I'm pretty much just sitting here trying not to make my sacks swirl.  It just makes me blank out and like sorta like I'm pooing.

Ellen

She is attractive now and was kinda sensitive as a kid and maybe fun.  However, I am tired of relating to her brother.

Also, note, I don't totally mesh in the same way with what I know of her parents, her mom and her dad.

I feel that with people like her brother and parents that I'm using them.  I do relate to intellectual people.  I saw one at the store today.  I'll post about him in my regular blog.

Let me rest!

Why won't anyone let me rest anymore?  I can say whatever I want.

I'm having to hold unpleasant thoughts.  What, should I say something more?  How utterly worthless this all is, really!

The people I know won't stop being mean to me on my dad's side.  No, my mom doesn't suffer the same things as I do.

My Family!

So, why did my dad ruin our family's life with the "n" word thing?  I understand he thinks my mom started it.

Kate Bush

So, what's the problem with Kate Bush?  I feel really bothered in my room, even.  So, I just had to state it.  The messages I felt I got, for some reason, the way people've been acting, the clicking in my room, just what happened.  I know coming from some people it shouldn't mean much.

Dealing With Others

Pretty much, no one will accept any of my kindness, so maybe don't go looking for any.

I can try to blame myself or the people I come across in Orlando for my carelessness, as I have been, just random ideas being tossed, no one person, hopefully.

I'm worried this boy used to say retard on IMDb when people tried to like stimulate him or others.  I am thinking that's the only word he could say and not sound gay.  He's from England, so him saying stupid more often would hurt people's feelings.  Other people were more mean, but I guess they managed to get away.  I don't really want anyone hurt, but I care about like people who can get stimulated.

Careless People

I'm not putting up with people who don't have to care about anything and go through life stupidly mad they aren't smart.

Why are you all cornering my mom?  This is ridiculous.  You like shitty Jews but you don't like all Chinese.

Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp has channeled hatred.

Being White

I'm tired of Ellen DeGeneres.  For some reason, she seems to not be white.  I thought Jews were white.  Maybe, she's just not as white as me.  Haha?  Who is?

You're stupid if you think that's not okay to say.  You must be some uptight Italian or Hispanic.  She's been so ridiculous.  I just can't get a signal from her.  She's worse than Johnny Depp.

Look, leave me alone.  I can say what I want.  I'm tired of dealing with you.  This is illegal.

What's so sensitive about a remark about someone who's admitted to not being as white and who's been ransacking people around?

Tired Out

Look, I'm tired of following absolute shit.  What is this?  Why is everyone so sensitive to how I talk?  I'm not brainless.

Leave me alone.

Why don't you sort your feelings out and come back to me later?

Weird People

Why does everyone trust my father?

Why is Ellen DeGeneres so possessive in a way that doesn't make sense?

Look, why do you trust other people who aren't all white?

STOP

Something happened on my computer at a certain moment that made my nose feel flimsy.  I know I'm not Middle Eastern|Jewish, but I deserve a chance to have my nose more or less how I like.

Stop trailing me.

I hate my dad, and he's trying to stimulate me.  !@#$%  I'm very sensitive and particular.

I think Ellen DeGeneres is sending me weird messages, or my dad is pretending she tells me stuff, like that I shouldn't deserve to get much food at the grocery store or that I did something really bad in mypast.  I don't have to listen to her nor what she thinks her mom wants to tell me.  Why would she do that?  Isn't her mom kinda respected at some distance?

They're just playing around with me.

My dad just doesn't want me to be cool and "live in style."  SOMEONE STOP HIM!  :0

My Grandma

Let's just get this out.  My youngest aunt came over for my birthday, just to be nice.  The other didn't.  I posted online about it and then that I didn't like it but not why.  It was because I wanted it to be special with my family, with my mom.  I was the age my mom and aunt were when I was born about.  So, my grandma for some reason proceeded to having me call her every night and read the Bible, "like she was gonna die."  I did it for whate seemed like almost a year.  I stopped at my birthday so I wouldn't get mad.  Anyway, she made me feel uncomfortable in my sacks, like all night and throughout the day.  It's still affecting me.  My dad rubs it in, too.

Also, she's always been really respectful of me but in a way cunning.  Like, when I didn't go up to visit, she told me then I could proceed to calling her during the week a bit, though I ended up not.  She also - wait I mean got surgery, not sure what - got sick and laid off and stayed with my aunt in Southeatern Florida.  She seems different.  My friends didn't seem to want to visit me, anymore, neither.  I had gotten upset when my aunts came up north with us, for some reason.  My cousin was getting all the attention.

Violence!

Things sure have gotten violent, but it seems that that violence has been hidden under the wing because I'm seeing it pop up in weird places in either apprehension or after-effects.

Messing Up

It seems like my family thought I would do something much worse and so tried to get me to do something weird on purpose but that had a reason.

Why I Got Mad

Well, I remember I thought that something brutal was done to me, but I went a bit out-of-control.  Why won't people listen to me the first time, and why do they make me post dumb stuff online?  I really didn't mean nor say what I'm being accused of having contrived.  It just wasn't good.  It feels like my life is worthless and I could just die.  The reason I wanted to kill myself was because my mom keeps getting at me for not acting perfect.  Like, I didn't think of something in the right way.  It seems like I could have but have been set up as a nigger.  The rest of the world does't believe this shit.

Who to Blame

Who should I blame?  Sometimes, I seem to direct certain things associated with certain people.  I've been driven insane with all these insane ideas, and they've like sorta stayed with me, like every time I see my parents, it comes to me after, eventually.

What Happened This Weekend

Well, I posted something on my old blog, basically, but I had a rough time just because I was acting happy and my parents though I was bad.  My parents supposedly didn't read it, though.  It did sky-rocket me into achieving other things, along the way, but I don't know why it happened.  It seems like I was supposed to pass said barrier.  I didn't really say anything directly.  So.

Also, now, my noisemaker is bothering me.

Agree to Disagree

Well, I don't think anyone in their right mind agrees with my dad, and we have to have a designated spokesperson.  What's bothering me is the nature of the clicks in accordance with how I feel about my dad.

Also, I do like to make suggestions, but I haven't really cursed my whole life nor been flat-out nasty to people I'm not that close with nor anyone so much without reason.  I never tried to really hurt anyone.  I guess sometimes I didn't know how I was supposed to act and just exploded, probably because I felt guilty for not writing my cousin for so long and it building and I not realizing it.  My life did get pretty shitty.  Really, my parents should have told me to write to her.  Well, it's my mom's sister.  I don't know why we weren't the ones to send them anything else, first.  I wasn't allowed to talk on the phone.  They didn't get online when I was 11.  Well, they're poor.  We sent them money and my old clothes and pictures, which were ugly.

Blood-Thirsty

As things have been improving for me, people have turned and always been pretty blood thirsty at their opportunity with me.  I keep getting clicks in my room that are supposedly Kate Bush, who is queasy about the n word thing and seeing me online.  However, it's happened since I started watching the new season of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."  I didn't keep up with her on Twitter over the summer.  I think she got mad at me for the n word thing when I started following her.  I saw a Retweet and decided to follow.  Things have always been pretty hectic.  However, things were bad even before I forgot to write to my cousin when I was 7, I think.  It seems I have to put up with people's crap basically because I've taken them into my life.  This is totally ridiculous.  I'm always at my back about these different people.  It's become evil since I started watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" this season.

Cut It Off

I don't believe in coming into a situation and finding no way out and it being a social situation.  Like, "Oh, God, why did this have to happen to me?"  I mean, I didn't break a law, so I'd be offended.

I feel my dad is always silently staring down at me for one thing I did wrong.  How gay can you get?

Welcome to my mad room