Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Hurtful, Illegal Noises
Things were going well with the noises, but I see they're back to their old games.
How am I bad?
You think I plan to be bad? You think I'm bad and other people aren't?
If I plan not to be bad, why do others plan that I be so I lose out in life but not to others? Racism.
If I plan not to be bad, why do others plan that I be so I lose out in life but not to others? Racism.
"It starts."
If I feel uncomfortable and they find a negative, they keep attacking me like that's fair.
Why do other kids get to feel calm in the family with parents who can work things out with the "real world?"
Why do other kids get to feel calm in the family with parents who can work things out with the "real world?"
You know, I wonder..
..some other things have disturbed me and overtaken others concerning me. What if that's a determining factor in this downward spiral of logic and trying to off me from my struggles.
"I thought I just.."
I thought I just ended this, but no. My dad won't agree with my mom and has too much charged up to attack me, after my concern for him, like I'm a trash monkey when I'm not.
Happy About the Pain..
My dad is too happy about all the pain I'm going thru, like he can tell everyone what to do to me.
"How is this okay?"
The people spying on me are telling me insults and that someone I look up to sent them, they keep insisting fervently. Supposedly, I have to do it for this relationship. How inconvenient can you come? It seems saying bye is not their plan. If so, they think I will still suffer as much and can't like this person.
Popping Up
Why when I am out in the world does my dad want to get personal secretly when he shows little interest in me often? It ruins it because people cringe that I did what I did and it's different from my parents. Really, my life is ruined.
Depressed
I thought to myself, "Bye," to their pretending to be someone talking to me thru ticks in my room etc. I didn't really like that I thought that later after I was just finding a way out of being snapped at so much, like I would ruin it if I didn't say, "Bye." I didn't really mean it and don't know what I meant. I just felt unable to consider the options.
Weird Wiring of Will in the World in What I Witness
Oh my! Aha ha! Just amused yet upset, like there should be no strange agreement nor communication line with my dad regarding my being and concerning other people.. By that, I mean the agreements he makes to hurt me saying he's punishing me at age 30. He just finds it a matter of consequence that we bump into one another.
Is this just the 4H Club? because I don't do no drugs, I don't get drunk, and I ain't smokin'.
I'm trying to solve this. I didn't react physically nor do anything awkward, but he is still watchin'!
Tell me more so I can learn about this weird, punishing communication line that connects back to my dad when I talk to other people I like a lot. Let me guess, "there's nothing to it?"
What's wrong?! Think how pathetic this is. The answer is "fail." "Live and let live." I am not "the weakest link."
Those people that end up on Dr. Phil, they don't believe their actions are of any consequence to anyone other than themselves. Then, they find their parents on their case in their 20s and even older, much less Dr. Phil. It's between them and the law, that they are "law-abiding citizens."
I wasn't trying to initiate and stir an onset of trouble. I do lose it sometimes.
It seems like no oasis where there is nothing special waiting for me to look forward to after being pulled from my successes in life. It's like when I was called to the counselor's office in highschool for a poor grade and changing mood, which got me behind from being pulled from and being counseled during other classes. If something special were waiting for me, supposedly it's my fault if it's lost. Say what? They make up weird little rules where I'm the only one under real constraints. They say they do one thing and do another.
Is this just the 4H Club? because I don't do no drugs, I don't get drunk, and I ain't smokin'.
I'm trying to solve this. I didn't react physically nor do anything awkward, but he is still watchin'!
Tell me more so I can learn about this weird, punishing communication line that connects back to my dad when I talk to other people I like a lot. Let me guess, "there's nothing to it?"
What's wrong?! Think how pathetic this is. The answer is "fail." "Live and let live." I am not "the weakest link."
Those people that end up on Dr. Phil, they don't believe their actions are of any consequence to anyone other than themselves. Then, they find their parents on their case in their 20s and even older, much less Dr. Phil. It's between them and the law, that they are "law-abiding citizens."
I wasn't trying to initiate and stir an onset of trouble. I do lose it sometimes.
It seems like no oasis where there is nothing special waiting for me to look forward to after being pulled from my successes in life. It's like when I was called to the counselor's office in highschool for a poor grade and changing mood, which got me behind from being pulled from and being counseled during other classes. If something special were waiting for me, supposedly it's my fault if it's lost. Say what? They make up weird little rules where I'm the only one under real constraints. They say they do one thing and do another.
The New Rules?
My dad kept attacking me with a lot of force this time like he was going full speed for the desired result. I just wanted him to stop. He turns it up like I was the one doing the attacking part of it.
My Dad and My Seemingly/Forcibly Giving Up on Life
My dad should not have world dominion over every nook and cranny in which I may be dwelling, doing so that he affects/convinces the people around me to mess up with my life.
In such an experience, I don't encounter the real world and the possibilities it offers to me. I suffer, grow old and die from a meaningless life in which I could have actually done something or pitched in with what I possessed.
In such an experience, I don't encounter the real world and the possibilities it offers to me. I suffer, grow old and die from a meaningless life in which I could have actually done something or pitched in with what I possessed.
Under Attack
My dad is attacking me saying someone I look up to also sent the message just because I encounter his adversity and have a negative reaction. I am not gonna sit here and be "raised" by him and Ellen DeGeneres, where it's like a game where you sit still and juggle thoughts and beat yourself up for no reason.
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