Tuesday, August 25, 2015

I wonder..

Howcome if I'm good, I get dissed and others get things?

If my parents kept me from living a good life, so be it.

Serious

What's wrong with Ellen?  She is mad that everyone isn't being mean to me.  She supposedly put illegal annoying noises in my room and acted like she acknowledged that.  So, I got upset and cursed about it a long time.  Doesn't that make sense, a time you'd curse?

She seems vehement against my mom telling me things are okay, like I think too.  Why can't the being mean to me stop, tho?

Ellen keeps darting the fact that what she did was both hurtful and illegal.  I'm not trying to fight.

Not sure what's wrong with this post but will go ahead and post it.

Why doesn't she talk it out if she has a problem?  She just insists I live a horrible life cuza her.

Watch her find she's wrong only if it were too late.

I don't know if her thing with my mom is a false alarm or what.  My mom is not that bad but different from Ellen.  Wow!  It's not like Ellen is protecting me from her, so don't even try and say that's what it is if it's not.

At least, I found Ellen was different from my mom.  Is there something wrong with my talking to others for my social needs, too?  Look, I'm being nice and only am mad when it makes sense.  I am not here to bow down to Ellen.

I do try to be nice, but no one "likes" me.  I'm considered very polite in real life.  I am compared to people online, too, who do questionable things..

It seems it's a first impression problem and a misunderstanding of right and wrong.  I didn't realize she was so big on Jesus.  Those people are usually understanding.

Problem

You can't label me as bad to others.

Twitter

Posts aren't loading on individual pages all the time.

Threat

They are flipping off threatening my relationships I supposedly have to them.

She's really at me.

I'm not taking this nonsense.

Problem

Ellen made something to remember in a year cuz she's a spoilsport about what I said or did.. what was it?  Oh, I was just upset about her the whole time in the shower, which technically is none of her beeswax ever.  I was just upset in general.  She'd throw a fit if someone did this to her.  How violent!  This is not a qualified thing to do.  I just don't trust in these people.  I don't have a problem.

I'm not stupid.

I just didn't like the illegal things done to me!

Problem

I think Ellen is threatening to k*** my mom.  Because my mom used to be nice to me til this.

Problem

Why does Ellen think she can pretend I am bad?  She threatens anyone who's nice to me.

Problem

They are messing with me that my name be Carrie.  Like they can just control my life.

Problem

Ellen my have me feel m*****ed because once I joked around with the word m********** on her board about her.  I didn't mean to start anything.  I didn't realize it'd be there that she'd see and care, probably, and meant what I said, not in a sarcastic way, just a factual term.  Anyone who lives according to first impressions and such would know this, but Ellen didn't make this obvious.

Issue

I'm not Ellen.  I'm not ***.

Irritated

They're acting so stupid and tacky like I'm *beep*

Problem

You think you can come in here and send me negative messages when I load the page?

Problem

I always get a bad feeling around my mom cuza Ellen.

Problem

Their job is to make sure I don't feel good.

Problem

I get the automated secret message from Ellen that I just think I have to be treated well or "the best."

Problem

They are acting like I'm my dad.

Problem

Ellen is making my mom act too stimulatingly in an inappropriate way around me.

Dad

Hope I didn't hurt him at supper.  Looks like he's not back.

Issue

Why am I an issue??

Problem

Why can't you just let me enjoy my day!

Problem

Why would you inflict someone one me?  Johnny Depp turned the world crazy!

Problem

External links aren't posting to my Facebook.

Problem

I ignored my dad being mean, so my parents ignored me.

Problem

They got me the wrong order on purpose.  I don't wanna try it.  But I ate it.

Problem

They are being meaner again.  Irritating me.

Edit

last post posted too fast

Wonder Why

my dad is so mean

He's also trying to emulate someone I like.  He generally is an irritation to me, particularly when mean so often.

I don't care what you think, but I have to talk about it.  It feels *** to listen to you and not to.  I bet it isn't right.

STOP

NO I SAID STOP

Problem

Stop acting bad to me.  My parents started ignoring me.

Problem

My dad keeps copying me.  I want it to stop.

More

I got a secret message that was stupid about something I don't want as some peak goal.

CRAZY

I'm not bad.  Don't you all go ruining my life.

NO..

I told you.  They joked about February, I said no!  Then they joked about "when I grow up" and then never.

Now What?

My mom made a noise like hurting and I went with it.

I don't know how to control my temper, anymore.  My life never recharges at 100%.  It just keeps getting worse.  Even if I'm positive, I get attacked.  They find some way to really bother me.  Why does everyone laugh at me when I say I want anger pills and I don't get them?  I don't need thought disorder pills.  I ended up being found out for being upset, not my original way of having thought disorder when I was depressed.  I can get used to it, maybe, but this *beep* is eating too much outta my life already!  I know everyone else is very sensitive to these things and so people let them alone cuz they're white or don't try to act white if they're not.

They just came in and made fun of me like I don't deserve anything as an Aryan person.  They acted pathetically, too, like, "Ugh, really.. you say that now?"  I don't believe in that as being right!  How would you like to be another race that is considered exterminable?

Anyway, I don't think I meant for it to go 100%.  I was mad tho at how my mom supposedly had to act.  They are putting the brunt on her, just so it looks like no one really did it.

So, I'm very sorry for anything that may have happened.  Hopefully, I make it thru supper.  Fine, pretend to hurt me!  I just want things okay, but if you need anything, I mean if it's okay help yourself to it.

Maybe, zoning out the world with earplugs helps..

Well, as for hurting me, I guess that'd make you feel like a bad person, so that won't fix anything.

Problem

I don't need some innate lesson taught to me!  I see other people in school always talking and not listening.

Freaks

Quit saying people who are nice to me or smart need to be stimulated and that's it.  You're just ruining people for me!!

Issue

Why are they being lunatics and not shutting up?  They think they're the one with the good moves, but that's just an experience.  They didn't really.. "do" it.

They're trying to touch a certain area again.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM

Why won't you stop?

"Or Else"

I said to stop threatening orders at me "or else!"

Quit

You can't go admitting things to say I'm trash.

Problem

Well, here I am!  I don't hurt people.

Problem

No!  My mom can't do things to me that I can't to her legally.

Problem

Why does my mom keep chiming up?  She's not "the feminine one" because I "came from my dad."

Sick

Why are you ready for the attack?

Problem

You make fun of me wanting to be nice.

Problme

I am talking about these issues and saying to stop.

Risk

Do you see something?

Problem

My mom is acting like she's my dad's oldest sister.  Saying who can and can't do what.

Problem

You just keep making my life worse.

ORLANDO

I SAID STOP!!

PROBLEM

I SAID STOP DOING THIS FOR MY DAD

Unthinking

Quit spurting random mean things at me.

Well Well Well

You think you can tell me what to do?  What'd I do wrong?  Huh?  Huh?

STOP

YOU CAN'T DO THIS M*****ING FROM MY DAD

NO..

STOP

Who do you have expensively involved?

I SAID NO

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM

STOP

I SAID NO

My mom is acting like her *beep* is all that's in my life.

What It Is

I don't really care about what it is, but I can't let this start to happen.  My mom is m*****ing me.

I said..

..STOP

No..

You said something bad about today.

Stupid

You're the one invading my life.

Problem

You can't tell me off on a whim.

NO..

I SAID STOP

What did you say?

I said you better stop.

Problem

Quit being suggestive opening my door and turning on music.

Problem

Quit spurting out random problems of punishment for a time.  Who knows how far this could go in some case.

WHAT

Why is my mom still doing that?!  I'm telling the police.

Problem

What the *beep* is my mom's problem?

Problem

You can't do this I said!  Quit acting like I think it's okay!!

What a waste.

Now I forget.

What are you (no one) here for?

I'm not staying out of college only to lose my parents's relationship.

I was talking to my parents at supper and I said something I wouldn't say in front of someone else.

My mom started acting *** around me.  She acted like Ellen said since I got upset so long in the car she won't stop.  She stares in my face like my oldest aunt did sometimes once driving her around visiting here.

Ellen and someone else has a little rule where if you get upset at something you do it forever.  Shut the *beep* up whoever did that.  You were mean to me.  What the *beep* could I do?

They are threatening my relationships, too, with my mom.

Go call your mommy and go home!

Problem

Why am I considered someone who's needy in problems?  No, I grew up being the best behaved everyone said etc. etc. etc.

I feel like I'm "sucking up" but

I tried not to squirm in the car.

The movie was a private ordeal.

What else.. I forget.

I wasn't hurting anyone.

More

They're employing tactics of my Grandma.

No!

I'm not a toy for you to play with!

Problem

They won't get off.  I feel irritated.

cont.

I didn't do anything, you did.

cont.

Why are the cars outside whining about me?!

cont.

I just squirmed in the car cuza how my mom was driving.  I squirmed in the movie theater filled with things of disgust and threats.  I tried to do it so it wasn't obvious to others.

Makin' Life Hard and Not Work out for Me

They are acting like I'm a baby and they are m*****ing me.  They are ruining my relationships.

Issue

Ellen supposedly said, "No," to my dad for something I did that wasn't all that bad in meaning or whatever at the table..  How do you think that goes?  Just, "no.." as in "I meant.." such and such.  It all started when something happened around the same time I caught her off.  I thought she couldn't get enough, men.  Doesn't its seem sad and wrong?  That's that again, her on full steam cuz she knows her dad's from out-of-the-U.S.  No offense, tho, just saying I see her do this.  If she can't do it in front of others, it gets done behind their backs.

Problem

They keep going like the Energizer Bunny.

They keep saying no something won't happen but because of something that's not bad by my fault.

They just keep doing bad things to me.

I never said anyone was doing anything.  Still, you can't ruin it for me.

Crazy Morning

Slipped a word or so in the end to cap it off.  In my head, of course.

Problem

They're messing with my possible future kids.

It's as simple as this.

Why are people thinking they know I'm really bad and being mean to me?

Physical Violence

They're slicing my stomach (and threatening more now) so it's like Ellen's fantasy of pumping upward as a mini person, like bellying up as a kid.

Problem

They're physically attacking me to do with my Gramma's beliefs among other things and Ellen.

Messages

They are trying to mess with me.  They won't be quiet, neither.

Another Message

A secret message about me putting my old blogs up when my older aunt seemed to have an issue about me getting new ones.

Problem

I think my older aunt is involved!

It doesn't stop.

They said someone has to be stimulated over me who's older and said, "But, wait, I don't get you hypnotized."

Problem

My youngest aunt on my dad's side I think blew a fuse and told a relationship to tell me "not to tell" when they do something questionable cuz they mean it.

That was my whole problem.  I post it on my Problems blog to try to get it "justified."  There are no silly rules for keeping a relationship.  That's like slavery.  I don't see other people run into this in life in most any case that exists.

You could just keep making up things like this.  There would be no end.  My aunt, I said, "blew a fuse."  My family do not know what they're doing.  I know from experience they are an "off" experience.  I was the one who came out sound and nice in the end.  They are underqualified intelligences when mad/bad.

Also, I really use my Problems blog.  I use it to make the world a better place.  It cannot be an issue like "stepping on a crack and breaking your mother's back."

I can just see the list of requirements coming down now.  This is a silly thing to give up when it's so important.  I try to not be mean when I say it, but I'm still clear as to the nature of what's happening.

So, about my relationship.  I think these things are just nonsensical.  I should ignore these spurts of things happening.  There's no other way, as it happens.  I've experienced things like this before.  Bargains still affecting my life, like if I disinfected the toilet seat when I didn't dirty it, not sure what exactly was going on but I stopped, which is a good thing and I had to eventually.

So, I guess I'll have to see what happens and just live life.  Again, I'm not being mean.  Apparently, they know something is going on, and time passes and things never really seem right.

I think the last thing I said was because it was wrong and a constant nuisance and probably an undue punishment to ruin my life and say it's not important.  I mean, come on.  The experiment partly ruined my life, not me alone.  I'm supposed to be considered good, not be old and decrepit.

Problems

I got the message if I give away something wrong someone did to me my family is in danger.

I got another message that someone else is involved in my life with an important relationship I got and being teased I did something to ruin that relationship.

Also, I am getting incoming messages from my Gramma about how I can't like un-American things, probably Ellen-induced.  That's not how it's supposed to be.  I can tell it's undue punishment.  My Gramma is "making it possible" for other Americans to have more of their own relationship with a European in Europe and others by taking from my possible relationship, for no reason justifying it and doing it in fear of her life, mean friends who pushed her to be mean to me.  No, that doesn't seem to make it okay to happen however it did.  This is the sorta thing you don't do and say.  It seems to have been fabricated or materialized.  It's funny to have people like your Gramma going along like you're okay a lot of times and then to have them strike out in ways that are defaming.  By the way, this word and something before someone knew about 1st may have happened, so they're "in the process" helping being mean to me.