Thursday, November 10, 2016
Issue
They are taking significantly from a relationship after I spiraled outta control mostly alone. I squealed, shook maybe and grabbed my head/hair. I don't really think that's a good idea. I feel weird, like about what to do when I'm happy or sad. I don't like to get it out physically, but if I do so what? As long as I don't do anything illegal.
Not My Fault
Would you say plain as day that people made me upset and I'm not really a bad person? Whatever they are trying to take from me. They don't care why. They just want what. As long as I get treated badly. That's the same things.
This is rather crazy. Why am I treated like this? Because I said, "Oh, no," when my dad came home when I was a preteen? I was gonna say it was because I didn't finish my homework so I could have family time tho I'd been working hard since I got home, which usually happens. He didn't get the joke.
This is rather crazy. Why am I treated like this? Because I said, "Oh, no," when my dad came home when I was a preteen? I was gonna say it was because I didn't finish my homework so I could have family time tho I'd been working hard since I got home, which usually happens. He didn't get the joke.
Does anything matter?
I mean, what do I have to worry about in the future? The way things are now?
What about the Presidential election? Could Hillary have won? Why didn't anyone care? Now, they can make a big deal of it.
What about the Presidential election? Could Hillary have won? Why didn't anyone care? Now, they can make a big deal of it.
How
My parents were able to often tap into me like they can control me and acting like they say things that I can't handle the options of mentally and then I get in trouble or they keep pumping me up when I lose it inside. I just might walk more aggressively or say no in my head and they just make me even more mad when I've already lost it. I need to ignore it if this happens again.
Bearing Witness + Other Things
Well, at least no one witnessed me too much like that.
The thing is I have gotten physically riled up, and sometimes I have lost it.
When I try to live my life, people I don't like as much notice I care and are mean to me and I wanna ignore them.
I guess I didn't mean to react badly, but I just lost control and lost ideas on what to feel and do or something. Can you tell me what I could have done?
The thing is I have gotten physically riled up, and sometimes I have lost it.
When I try to live my life, people I don't like as much notice I care and are mean to me and I wanna ignore them.
I guess I didn't mean to react badly, but I just lost control and lost ideas on what to feel and do or something. Can you tell me what I could have done?
Why?
My dad is bothering me. He is trying to affect me sexually, and I don't know why he does it.
I just lost it. I didn't hit anything nor stomp my foot hard. I just squealed and grabbed my head and hair.
I had a hard time ironing kinda, didn't know if I was putting down the iron right sorta.
I almost knocked a pan over but by accident.
I wonder if I broke a rule in this. 1st, I think my dad lied and affected me sexually when I didn't want to be. He doesn't touch me, so I can't say what I didn't like in what way. Then, I was just upset and ironed for awhile. I looked at my mom for why she was acting like I was punished then she stole from me sexually. I was upset in the bathroom, just squealed and held my head/hair and stuff, a bit aggressive. Then, I came out and told you some of that. I squealed again.
I'm so sorry. I think I've lost it. I also was a little aggressive and grabbed the mouse quite abruptly.
I just lost it. I didn't hit anything nor stomp my foot hard. I just squealed and grabbed my head and hair.
I had a hard time ironing kinda, didn't know if I was putting down the iron right sorta.
I almost knocked a pan over but by accident.
I wonder if I broke a rule in this. 1st, I think my dad lied and affected me sexually when I didn't want to be. He doesn't touch me, so I can't say what I didn't like in what way. Then, I was just upset and ironed for awhile. I looked at my mom for why she was acting like I was punished then she stole from me sexually. I was upset in the bathroom, just squealed and held my head/hair and stuff, a bit aggressive. Then, I came out and told you some of that. I squealed again.
I'm so sorry. I think I've lost it. I also was a little aggressive and grabbed the mouse quite abruptly.
Problems
My dad used the word "kill" as a joke for ever feeling good. His jokes come true. He was concerning someone I like. I came out to do laundry and he's in his room.
The people watching me think I'm their dog they're snapping on a leash. All my relationships they can affect. They are treating me like I'm submissive.
Whenever I get over something, by dad returns.
Also, anything people do bad to me they want me to submit like I deserve it, like someone I like said it instead it seems.
The people watching me think I'm their dog they're snapping on a leash. All my relationships they can affect. They are treating me like I'm submissive.
Whenever I get over something, by dad returns.
Also, anything people do bad to me they want me to submit like I deserve it, like someone I like said it instead it seems.
Violently Mad (not literally)
My dad said because I was upset I can't feel good about something.
He downsized someone I like to how things were for me to pick on me, and it doesn't make sense whatever he did.
Then, he said secretly, "Then, you're not sleeping." I'm going on vacation, and I want it to go well.
I was a bit upset in the kitchen. I didn't really ruin the faucet handle, but I closed it to say, "No," that I'm going on vacation and not sleeping much etc. He's crossed too many lines. He believes in thinking his oldest young sister sponsors the idea that .. now I forget.
They won't stop acting like a person is talking to me like bothering me and taking away someone else from me too tho. It's been several days. You know, they started it cuz I was upset other people told me what someone I like said. I did stare down a car that wouldn't back down. I had a thought come with the person they are acting like bothering me that wasn't nice, bu t it wasn't what I meant.
I never seen this person I like feel the way my dad did made it out to be. They haven't really acted that way, yet, people. Just saying?
How am I supposed to deal with this? My dad does have an issue. :(
He downsized someone I like to how things were for me to pick on me, and it doesn't make sense whatever he did.
Then, he said secretly, "Then, you're not sleeping." I'm going on vacation, and I want it to go well.
I was a bit upset in the kitchen. I didn't really ruin the faucet handle, but I closed it to say, "No," that I'm going on vacation and not sleeping much etc. He's crossed too many lines. He believes in thinking his oldest young sister sponsors the idea that .. now I forget.
They won't stop acting like a person is talking to me like bothering me and taking away someone else from me too tho. It's been several days. You know, they started it cuz I was upset other people told me what someone I like said. I did stare down a car that wouldn't back down. I had a thought come with the person they are acting like bothering me that wasn't nice, bu t it wasn't what I meant.
I never seen this person I like feel the way my dad did made it out to be. They haven't really acted that way, yet, people. Just saying?
How am I supposed to deal with this? My dad does have an issue. :(
No Escape Situations
I keep seeing all over TV that people sound like someone, or for someone. I said something that meant something else and almost said something else I was so mad, but I didn't mean anything bad about them and they weren't there. Everyone thinks I'm points off. I was upset someone else may have done something bad to them. That's what I was trying to express. What do I do? Give up on life as it is while the world goes on? There are more important things in the world than taking out anger on me. Sorry? I mean, who else has to live by things like this? I understand something happening or me getting help. I am not bad nor am I to this person. You know, people treat me badly when I'm around them, like I have to bow down. True, this is dangerous. Someone seemed to have these people be mean and standoffish to me.
Another person. I spammed people when I was suicidal for attention sorta. Now, the world seems to think weird things, like that fame makes you go coocoo and feel drunk and like your having sex and other things to dream about. It seems like something they are onto. That's why.
Disney made things off people I know and like I didn't exist sorta feel in some way. It just feels defiant. I guess they have it together, but I still felt insulted by some messages. I mean, I don't need it, but I felt insulted. It's like some of them are just human and doing things to get back at me ever since my life went down after me finding out I was being spied on. They're also mean to me now. They keep saying someone like me deserves this bad treatment.
I'm sorry. I just don't get how ever since moving to Orlando, my life has been totaled. I get in situations, and big things seem to come by. Sorry? is not okay? :( I know they say if I say sorry anyone can. I feel bad about mistakes, but they rub them in like I woulda done them had I known. Ever since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory came out, people acted like it was time to "stop, drop, and roll." My life is ruined because of things that came about from that movie. No one forgives me for anything, so unlike all those stubborn selfish people I can't "move on" as people would encourage them to. I didn't even do anything to them. It didn't have anything to do with people it seemed. It's like clockwork. I'm already 30. I was 21 just yesterday. It seems I don't matter, in a way.
I am wondering what my point is. It's the TV I noticed. I bet a lotta people are worried. I guess it's okay, but I don't like being seen as bad. Sometimes, the person they are concerned about but maybe still don't treat right seems like if at this age got mad at me could really hurt me. We need to be concerned, but I know people just push me to be viscous. I wonder if people are so happy in general a lotta them because my life is hard. They think I'm not better than them anymore. They think I have "problems" like them.
I'm sorry, but I mean no offense nor intention of being uncomfortable. I just don't get why every last straw is I'm bad. Sorry to those involved. Why do other people get chances and I get told I am just ill-willed?
No matter this is a long post I hope. I'm not superstitious and think a lot of information can be a good thing sometimes.
Well, hope everyone is having a good night, tho we don't have Hillary as President. I like Republican, tho. I don't know much about Trump except that he was likely to win maybe sometimes.
Sorry for what disturbs you I do wrong and sorry people are involved. I just am exploring what's going on, not trying to seem mean. I'm not the one attacking anyone and not "forgiving."
Oh, no, and then there's the issue with me being upset thinking Ellen DeGeneres put hurtful, illegal noises in my room a long time. I've been at this too much and am tired. I already said I didn't then try to send bad messages, knowingly. I was mad and cursed about the action, not cursing out her. I probably slipped, tho, but that's not the jist of things, I think.
I got lots to do, need to pack for a trip that will be on Friday. Getting tired and behind on laundry. Oh, and that's so bad. I was upset when I did my laundry yesterday. I should have not been so mad. I wonder what's wrong with me. Maybe, I should be locked up. It was bad for election day. I didn't have that in my head, and people all were at me and I didn't know why I was so upset.
Hope I didn't miss anything. I said sorry. I should focus on being nicer to others. I should go to church more maybe sometime again. I don't know if I can fix it in other people's opinion. They think I'm no good. Oh well, maybe I will figure it out. Maybe, it's time to go to confession and tell a priest and see if I'm that bad. They won't solve it, tho, leave that to me to see to. They are too busy. I guess, they have homilies and daily mass. They are smart, tho, but work hard I bet.
Yikes, look how much I posted about things here. Is it bad or good? I was careful and explained myself. I just want these things to get better. I don't want it to be from me in a bad way too big a deal. Okay, let's hope that I get put to justice. I might secretly not believe that. Yea, I get treated tough compared to others, like I'm bad.
I'm disturbed people will think I was onto someone in this in a weird way. Believe what you will. That's not my intention. Ay ay ay, I'm sorta going braindead. Yikes!
So, sorry, hope you felt comfortable and were able to size me to justice. I guess they'll want to do something to me.
I don't mean to be onto something, but I guess that's what's important.
I mean, I'm not begging about something it might seem, but maybe that's "what" I ended up seeming to do.
Sorry for all my oddities today.
Oh dear, and the election. What if it's my fault? I probably affected it. Let's focus on what's important. I hope that doesn't include berating me.
I hope everyone is doing well. I hope you will make a blog and problems blog of your own!
I am so embarrassed how long this is, but things on this blog come about like that.
I wonder if something happened to my hands that won't get better. I wonder if I had pressure or something. That makes me sad. I talked about that in a prior post. Okay, so I'm disturbed and maybe hurt on that. I didn't even hurt anyone with that and not in any way on purpose.
Let's end with a prayer and blessing? Dear God, please help me to be a good, functioning person. Bless the people who are somehow a part of my life. May everyone's dreams come true and we be far from another "crucifix" in things. Let us hope we can make everyone's dreams figured out and be on an okay path. Help us to deal with anything unexpected and hurtful. Thanks to those in our lives who make it how it's special or something. Amen. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.
Ehehe, funny how I tried to write a little prayer.
Guess I'd better get on. Tired but want to do laundry and pack, sometime soon.
Sorry about some of the things I brought up, but a lot of it was wondering why I'm bad. I hope I do not make anyone uncomfortable. I just was wondering about some things but not others, to some degree. Okay? :( Sorry. I talked about several different things that exist. That's why it's so long.
Well. Okay? Sorry.
Good night! Have a good one.
Another person. I spammed people when I was suicidal for attention sorta. Now, the world seems to think weird things, like that fame makes you go coocoo and feel drunk and like your having sex and other things to dream about. It seems like something they are onto. That's why.
Disney made things off people I know and like I didn't exist sorta feel in some way. It just feels defiant. I guess they have it together, but I still felt insulted by some messages. I mean, I don't need it, but I felt insulted. It's like some of them are just human and doing things to get back at me ever since my life went down after me finding out I was being spied on. They're also mean to me now. They keep saying someone like me deserves this bad treatment.
I'm sorry. I just don't get how ever since moving to Orlando, my life has been totaled. I get in situations, and big things seem to come by. Sorry? is not okay? :( I know they say if I say sorry anyone can. I feel bad about mistakes, but they rub them in like I woulda done them had I known. Ever since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory came out, people acted like it was time to "stop, drop, and roll." My life is ruined because of things that came about from that movie. No one forgives me for anything, so unlike all those stubborn selfish people I can't "move on" as people would encourage them to. I didn't even do anything to them. It didn't have anything to do with people it seemed. It's like clockwork. I'm already 30. I was 21 just yesterday. It seems I don't matter, in a way.
I am wondering what my point is. It's the TV I noticed. I bet a lotta people are worried. I guess it's okay, but I don't like being seen as bad. Sometimes, the person they are concerned about but maybe still don't treat right seems like if at this age got mad at me could really hurt me. We need to be concerned, but I know people just push me to be viscous. I wonder if people are so happy in general a lotta them because my life is hard. They think I'm not better than them anymore. They think I have "problems" like them.
I'm sorry, but I mean no offense nor intention of being uncomfortable. I just don't get why every last straw is I'm bad. Sorry to those involved. Why do other people get chances and I get told I am just ill-willed?
No matter this is a long post I hope. I'm not superstitious and think a lot of information can be a good thing sometimes.
Well, hope everyone is having a good night, tho we don't have Hillary as President. I like Republican, tho. I don't know much about Trump except that he was likely to win maybe sometimes.
Sorry for what disturbs you I do wrong and sorry people are involved. I just am exploring what's going on, not trying to seem mean. I'm not the one attacking anyone and not "forgiving."
Oh, no, and then there's the issue with me being upset thinking Ellen DeGeneres put hurtful, illegal noises in my room a long time. I've been at this too much and am tired. I already said I didn't then try to send bad messages, knowingly. I was mad and cursed about the action, not cursing out her. I probably slipped, tho, but that's not the jist of things, I think.
I got lots to do, need to pack for a trip that will be on Friday. Getting tired and behind on laundry. Oh, and that's so bad. I was upset when I did my laundry yesterday. I should have not been so mad. I wonder what's wrong with me. Maybe, I should be locked up. It was bad for election day. I didn't have that in my head, and people all were at me and I didn't know why I was so upset.
Hope I didn't miss anything. I said sorry. I should focus on being nicer to others. I should go to church more maybe sometime again. I don't know if I can fix it in other people's opinion. They think I'm no good. Oh well, maybe I will figure it out. Maybe, it's time to go to confession and tell a priest and see if I'm that bad. They won't solve it, tho, leave that to me to see to. They are too busy. I guess, they have homilies and daily mass. They are smart, tho, but work hard I bet.
Yikes, look how much I posted about things here. Is it bad or good? I was careful and explained myself. I just want these things to get better. I don't want it to be from me in a bad way too big a deal. Okay, let's hope that I get put to justice. I might secretly not believe that. Yea, I get treated tough compared to others, like I'm bad.
I'm disturbed people will think I was onto someone in this in a weird way. Believe what you will. That's not my intention. Ay ay ay, I'm sorta going braindead. Yikes!
So, sorry, hope you felt comfortable and were able to size me to justice. I guess they'll want to do something to me.
I don't mean to be onto something, but I guess that's what's important.
I mean, I'm not begging about something it might seem, but maybe that's "what" I ended up seeming to do.
Sorry for all my oddities today.
Oh dear, and the election. What if it's my fault? I probably affected it. Let's focus on what's important. I hope that doesn't include berating me.
I hope everyone is doing well. I hope you will make a blog and problems blog of your own!
I am so embarrassed how long this is, but things on this blog come about like that.
I wonder if something happened to my hands that won't get better. I wonder if I had pressure or something. That makes me sad. I talked about that in a prior post. Okay, so I'm disturbed and maybe hurt on that. I didn't even hurt anyone with that and not in any way on purpose.
Let's end with a prayer and blessing? Dear God, please help me to be a good, functioning person. Bless the people who are somehow a part of my life. May everyone's dreams come true and we be far from another "crucifix" in things. Let us hope we can make everyone's dreams figured out and be on an okay path. Help us to deal with anything unexpected and hurtful. Thanks to those in our lives who make it how it's special or something. Amen. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen.
Ehehe, funny how I tried to write a little prayer.
Guess I'd better get on. Tired but want to do laundry and pack, sometime soon.
Sorry about some of the things I brought up, but a lot of it was wondering why I'm bad. I hope I do not make anyone uncomfortable. I just was wondering about some things but not others, to some degree. Okay? :( Sorry. I talked about several different things that exist. That's why it's so long.
Well. Okay? Sorry.
Good night! Have a good one.
Am I hurt?
I saw a commercial and part of my head felt knocked out like air, that I can't like who I like.
Nonsensical
You can't just come up and find me in some room being upset I am harassed and my hands feel rubbery like they're gonna fight it off and it's cool and you don't think about hurting anything like a video game.
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