"When Push Comes to Shove"

Bella Thorne thinks she has to take all my relationships fro me cuz she works for Ellen DeGeneres.

Ellen DeGeneres put illegal, hurtful noises in my room throughout the day soon after starting to watch her show after following her on Twitter.  I used to cuss about it.  So what?  Sounds like a valid reason.  Why do people believe otherwise?

What-

What is it, tho, did someone get in the way?

Um..

Am I being poked at to death for a minor mishap-

Not sure by who, tho.. just that it's happening all over.

I'm serious, am I chasing after the wrong cloud?  I bet they want to keep me chasing.

Just the Popular Ones

Okay, okay, everyone wants to know if someone I look up to is causing all these bad things, but I figured out that the people here did it.  They're why everyone's scared.  Not everyone from other places is like this!  Maybe not much at all.  Just the popular ones.

Hostages

They are hurting someone else I look up to.  They suggested that when they sit they have sex..

"No matter what they say.."

No matter what they say, they do not have the right to do this because it is a fact that it's wrong.

Under "Constant Attack"

I don't like that someone I look up to is hacking away at me.. bad things come of this.

Threats

That I should be wed with kids when I'm not to do that now or I don't want to.  It sounds like they are digging themselves a hole.

Under "Constant Attack"

They keep saying someone I look up to is attacking me like they're killing me a lot and that it's my fault.  It is bugging me to ward off and I don't make the full effort..

Supposedly "Frequent Reminders"

My gramma called for my birthday and said to call back soon, but I don't think I will.

Hurt

They are just hurting me out of nowhere and incessantly, now.

"Give and Take"

They keep acting like it's on the bill that something has to give and take with me.

Nonsense

They act like I am talking directly to someone I like in a mean way because I am mad they are mean to me.

They were nicer before and mean now for no reason.. and won't stop.

Threatened..

They are threatening to replace someone I look up to with my grandma for me, to think of excessively etc. when I simply don't do things of the nature they suggest.

I already posted about it in a nicer way, but "this has gone too far."

Normality

Everyone else fights in their mind here.  I was the one who was attacked.  I didn't fight it much.

Nasty by Default

You know, my dad is nasty to me by default and sometimes to my mom.

"It's like a game."

They keep bringing up my dad's family like it's a game where they are threatening to hurt people I know.

More Stabbing at Me with Things

They relayed that someone I look up to desensitized themselves/partially so I can't enjoy and to be like someone else in an annoying way.. and probably reprogrammed.

They might keep annoying me when I can't post what they did, too.  People outside are doing stuff, too.

They seem calm now, like they know what they're going to do.  They better leave us alone.  They don't know what they're doing.  I knew this at the beginning.

"1 Minor Detail"

I felt stressed and pressed upon and thought of digging something into something, and now people think I've done something bad, it's off, etc.

Attack!

They acted like someone kept stabbing me.

"A Changed Man?"

They are doing something stupid, pretending what someone's pet peeves are.  Like, they just said, "I did all this stuff for you before, but now you're a different person," and threatened me to death!  They didn't have to do that, but they did.  I don't really know what to think of any of it.  I just have wishes to talk to some people like a normal person, etc.

"Dragging Me Down"

They keep dragging me down to the point I don't want to do anything but post my problems online.

A Worthless Life

They haven't stopped and act like they will.

"Sassing Back"

They keep doing to me what I am not supposed to do to others.

"Letting Go"

They are trying to make me focus on my grandma in weird and excessive ways that is not like her to do.

"Out of Control"

No one seems to care about me.

"In Trouble"

I was upset at home but didn't mean to look ridiculous.  I couldn't get myself to seem how I wanted, and of course my mom was getting at me acting badly with no right to.  My parents remain calm and swivel around closed doors and a plan is made to get back at me with something big for it.

Things Wrong

I don't like when I get in trouble because I don't wear the right clothes or am down on my luck.

I found out I cannot join the military because doctors pretended I had schizophrenia.  (You may be able to bend those rules in some cases.)  I see it as they want me on medicine so I can't feel in control of my life, feel pain and too tired to get up and do some things.  I can't believe my parents disowned me to this superstition.  Why should I abide by them?  I live with them and can't see how I could possibly live on my own without money nor energy to work.  My mom said I have to take this medicine if I live with them.  You know, I've even tried singing to get a record, my life's fruit of labor in some ways.

"That's fine!"

They think it's okay for me to be treated badly without admitting it.

They lie about what really happens.

They take great measures to punish me for no reason, like if I feel defiant about their sins.  If something weird comes up where I lose myself in my thoughts or feel attacked.. they do something big.

"Just to Be Safe"

They single me out and are mean to me.

Summation of All These New Problems!

I think they are just messing with me and don't care about me.

Time for Bed

Still haven't fixed my problems.  They only get worse, in some ways.

What did I do?

I don't know how I feel about "what I've done."  You might say, "I failed to do anything."

I guess it was lazy of me to send that letter, when I wasn't instead clouding up my blog with the stray thoughts.  What else could be?  It wasn't as bad as some people would make it out to be.

My asking my dad why he came to get me nicely?  Triggering a violent reaction?  He just doesn't like me.  Then, my mom lectured me for an hour.  I'm not sure what happened here, but they're acting very domineering about how people I find I am interested in treat me.

My continuing to be in denial when ticks in my house were spouted out at me when I was quickly informed not to.. that really *"flipped my lid."  It was out then.

This is all concerning someone I met using the internet.

When I lost it in public and with my dad?  Well, that was awkward.  It starts small and grows.  People say it's too late if I make a fist, and I am already holding it in and get more mad.  It seems to have stopped.  I control if it occurs.

I programmed myself not to say mean things about others.  It worked until I was unprogrammed, but it still exists.  So, I do not start mean things and don't have as bad a reaction.  I do feel confined by others in my thinking.

What in all this am I looking for?  Can I make anything better than otherwise?

I think it's when I think, "Stop."  It's also if I think something weird and out-of-the-box to get ahead.  I get irritated in general and want to dissociate it from innocent people.  I didn't succumb because I don't know who all and wouldn't do something bad.

In the end, I'm in denial and not in control of my responsibilities.  I also have too bleated out a past, game over!

If I'm mean in my thoughts sometimes, I am treated meanly.  I do not try to be mean.

*suddenly become deranged or lose one's self-control (link)