I don't mean to be evil to anyone, neither, but something's going on somehow.

1st my dad threatens people who are nice to me, now Ellen.

Apology

I am so sorry for anything mean that came out, like bad words.

Sorry I had a fit and felt upset about something or seemingly someone.

I wonder how you look fighting with a nice and accomplished person like me all day.

My mom keeps doing mean things to make me look bad when I wanna get back.

Apology

Sorry for the bad words that came up while I was bothered.  I didn't mean them, but I have to mean something.

OK so I was just worried about soaking in the Buddhist humming my mom left on in the room I was ironing in.  People have been at me for liking Middle Easterners etc.

I tagged my last post Apologies.

I feel I am slowly whittling away from relationships.

So, how can I get those people for annoying me.  I mean the ones messing with me in my room with hacking my computer to make things load like talking and the noises from the little expensive speakers.

Sad

I don't know if it was really my mom I was mad at.  Who, then, you ask?  Can I keep myself from getting mad?  I hope my mom is okay.

More questions?  I'm just overly sensitive.  Or I know why it was really done.  Maybe, the person felt an honest compelling reason.  I know some people seem nastier than others altogether or in some ways..  Everyone says yes and no about if they are nice to me.

I know if I write something down doesn't mean someone can nor will fix it.

This could be a big experience for me.  I don't want it to be taken away.  They're just being foolish.  They keep being mean to me in private with these little talking noises they put in my room.  This is a punishment, on doubt about it, and that's not okay.  I didn't really do anything, neither.

Watch someone else get this experience when I get old and it won't be as bad cuz they're "all white."

Even the hint of calling them names does not satisfy.

The only thing that comes to my mind as a strategy is to knock 'em, but that's not what I mean and that's not gonna work.  This has gotta stop.  I'm not sitting here soaking this in.

You can't tell me what I could or could not say.

No one cares what I say that I am treated like a loser by people watching me in private!  And the nasty messages they relayed they said were from Ellen or whoever they wanna make up.

I'm awake, still tired, irritable.. but I'm sorry last night didn't go so smoothly.  I must admit lotta turmoil injected here, 'way I see things.  Calls for a degree of mental flubs.  What to do?