Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Something's bothering me.
Someone I like is being weird to me, supposedly. Everyone keeps telling me that. They took away something special I had and handed it out to others, like it's more natural and comfortable with them. Ha! Supposedly. It kinda disturbs me. What should I do? It was mine. I can't live with this.
Worried
Someone might be punishing me but doesn't have to or the people experimenting on me are really mean and lame. Did you see how far this went? I'm up to someone else for no reason. I can think what I want about people ruining my life. I will not submit to this. This has gone too far.
They want me to bow down to younger people! I don't know why this problem is resurfacing.
Now, they think that person needs to be stimulated, but they are the ones that made this happen.
Why do they keep doing things to me!?
Cooky Secret Messages
Why are people telling me shit about people I like saying bad things to me when I'm not with them?
More than one person acted like they committed the same deed.
More than one person acted like they committed the same deed.
Another Message
It was reiterated I was to be closer to someone else when I'm thinking of someone else. Supposedly, it has to be someone I like said it.
What?
They said someone I like was being sharp with me, saying what I said implied something they don't even notice when I say, how gay to say with us it's this way.
So, what's wrong? What the fuck do you people think about? I actually have posted on a blog in public.
No, I already said I disagree with what's wrong. I thought everyone did. What are you guys averting explaining? Why are you the ones starting these useless conversations?
You just sit there and then you blurt out something.
My dad keeps positioning himself like someone in my life matters over me who otherwise is unattached to my life, several people do. Like someone I like cares about them, instead, like they need the attention from everyone I'm in a relationship with.
What is this, I'm not English! I don't have to "keep the feeling going" rather than actually understanding something important to me essentially. Not that people I meet from England are like that. Look, I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not mean to people. You people can be how you want, just don't hurt anyone etc. No one will stop this! What, you wanna go thru the bad parts of my life? They are punishing me as I blog this! I was trying to innocently figure this out, and I got attacked.
So, what's wrong? What the fuck do you people think about? I actually have posted on a blog in public.
No, I already said I disagree with what's wrong. I thought everyone did. What are you guys averting explaining? Why are you the ones starting these useless conversations?
You just sit there and then you blurt out something.
My dad keeps positioning himself like someone in my life matters over me who otherwise is unattached to my life, several people do. Like someone I like cares about them, instead, like they need the attention from everyone I'm in a relationship with.
What is this, I'm not English! I don't have to "keep the feeling going" rather than actually understanding something important to me essentially. Not that people I meet from England are like that. Look, I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not mean to people. You people can be how you want, just don't hurt anyone etc. No one will stop this! What, you wanna go thru the bad parts of my life? They are punishing me as I blog this! I was trying to innocently figure this out, and I got attacked.
Question
What do you think about people comforting people who I notice are mean or something? While I am treated so harshly and fend for myself, or people get jealous of my peaceful childhood? It seems before I can say anything worth anything that I will lose all the love I had. Disclaimer, no offense to anyone suggested. Why is someone getting affection based on me losing it? I'm used to being open to share, but in reality it supposedly wasn't necessary, tho I think it is to some now. It seems suspicious how elevated it is for others if I say something that they unnecessarily find offensive. I can't remember what it was, tho. I should remember sharing when it wasn't like cursing at me in punishment. People don't want to make a fool of themselves, but they get back at me by making me look bad, in the end. This is important. There are many people in the world. People are pointing fingers at me, like the perverted ones. It's racism.
Issue
I want to figure out what is right and not listen to these people just because "they already said it."
I thought something, and supposedly since they know they are applying weird British rules of socialization. Other people can hate on me. They think since they were mean to people like someone that they can just dump all the blame on me after all these years of me being polite. It's like their racism, they think they just have something unspoken that makes them better, like an aura, a spark, or something inside of them. It's really tacky and annoying. So, they are saying if all these bad people simply were mistreated that it's time to come out and say nice people like me need to deal with their *beep* as though someone has to be the true bad guy under it all but not the people who were dubbed as in trouble for things before. Why not just accept everyone?
I wonder if they think I came out bad and other people came out good, tho it may be because they stopped having people bother them. Then, they thought it was in me to be bad all along, like I was a puppet. If I was a puppet before, I am a puppet now.
Other people I have been friendly to to what I can considering my mixed race are stealing my relationships. Why can't they just have a relationship, too, and not steal what others have? Is everyone offset the same interests and only some people seemed like that on the outside all along?
Did you know sometimes a lotta people are hot who aren't skinny as rails, too? Like, the people you replace me with?
Why are people saying I am bad to begin with? No one "beat" me. They just want me punished. They probably aren't even treating others right or are just spoiling others I know. Who knows if it could end before I die. I don't have a life. I don't have like an "attaboy" and don't have work. I'm just a sloth in the rainforest.
So, I'm sorry, what precisely did you fine tune about my private thoughts? Every time someone looks bad, I get in trouble. I simply am not all there. People don't want to listen to me, esp. if I seem unpopular from past relationships they don't even know about. They want me to like kill myself or something, it seems in a way.
Why am I in trouble about someone else who does not wish to have to do with my life anything but taking my relationships? It is something people do in general. Why not let me still or later have my relationships, too, and then they have one, as well? My idea was already that it's important that it's about everyone, not just me and my relationships. See, you weren't ready. I'm right, you're wrong. Admit that. I know it's what's wrong. People "let it out" when something was going for me, tried to make me seem bad. So, why is other people a threat? How, anyway? Everyone thinks it's like a football game to see me lose in my relationships. What about all the mean things people think about me?
I thought something, and supposedly since they know they are applying weird British rules of socialization. Other people can hate on me. They think since they were mean to people like someone that they can just dump all the blame on me after all these years of me being polite. It's like their racism, they think they just have something unspoken that makes them better, like an aura, a spark, or something inside of them. It's really tacky and annoying. So, they are saying if all these bad people simply were mistreated that it's time to come out and say nice people like me need to deal with their *beep* as though someone has to be the true bad guy under it all but not the people who were dubbed as in trouble for things before. Why not just accept everyone?
I wonder if they think I came out bad and other people came out good, tho it may be because they stopped having people bother them. Then, they thought it was in me to be bad all along, like I was a puppet. If I was a puppet before, I am a puppet now.
Other people I have been friendly to to what I can considering my mixed race are stealing my relationships. Why can't they just have a relationship, too, and not steal what others have? Is everyone offset the same interests and only some people seemed like that on the outside all along?
Did you know sometimes a lotta people are hot who aren't skinny as rails, too? Like, the people you replace me with?
Why are people saying I am bad to begin with? No one "beat" me. They just want me punished. They probably aren't even treating others right or are just spoiling others I know. Who knows if it could end before I die. I don't have a life. I don't have like an "attaboy" and don't have work. I'm just a sloth in the rainforest.
So, I'm sorry, what precisely did you fine tune about my private thoughts? Every time someone looks bad, I get in trouble. I simply am not all there. People don't want to listen to me, esp. if I seem unpopular from past relationships they don't even know about. They want me to like kill myself or something, it seems in a way.
Why am I in trouble about someone else who does not wish to have to do with my life anything but taking my relationships? It is something people do in general. Why not let me still or later have my relationships, too, and then they have one, as well? My idea was already that it's important that it's about everyone, not just me and my relationships. See, you weren't ready. I'm right, you're wrong. Admit that. I know it's what's wrong. People "let it out" when something was going for me, tried to make me seem bad. So, why is other people a threat? How, anyway? Everyone thinks it's like a football game to see me lose in my relationships. What about all the mean things people think about me?
Did you know..
..things were going good? It was cuz I spoke in a low voice when my dad perked up to take me somewhere after looking cross, knew I'd be hurt by his driving.
Why doesn't it matter to some people..
..like ones who are popular, if my dad is wrong to me just to test me out to be like his mama? and if something slips my mind it's over or "should be?"
What? I never said I was stuck to my family after high school. Why am I being cheated out? I'm not such a bad person.
What? I never said I was stuck to my family after high school. Why am I being cheated out? I'm not such a bad person.
Grr/*Beep*
I'm tired of "sharing" all my relationships with other people in my life, like I owe dirt.
Who's business am I, anyway?
People think I'm crazy. At college, I threw my backpack when I was mad, maybe not something weird to most people. I already thought my life was an experiment etc. There were loud, annoying noises by people pulling down the back door from a truck, and it hurt a lot. They seemed mad at me. That's where that must have started. I know I was lost, kicked outta my life's work.
Just went out..
They keep picking at me for how I feel when I am slighted.
My dad was driving like mad making me feel like someone tacky I saw on Full House.
We walked into Taco Bell, and people were looking at me already. The cashier seemed sarcastic, and it bothered me she had to feel that way tho not staring nor looking at me. I was upset. Earlier, while my dad was romping around with the car, he exposed his hand and I thought it seemed scratched. I thought of a certain word about some people, and that was it for him. I was upset at people in the restaurant.
I was on a good streak, and now they are blaming someone I like when they are the ones making the rules, as tho the people I like would do that to someone/me.
So, what? Was it the think with the cashier? I just felt uncomfortable. I was like looking at her sometimes, I guess, maybe wondering what was going on. I was looking at the menu. You know, it's not quite the experience eating out in these places for me.
They keep telling me mean stuff like what I can't have.
My dad was driving like mad making me feel like someone tacky I saw on Full House.
We walked into Taco Bell, and people were looking at me already. The cashier seemed sarcastic, and it bothered me she had to feel that way tho not staring nor looking at me. I was upset. Earlier, while my dad was romping around with the car, he exposed his hand and I thought it seemed scratched. I thought of a certain word about some people, and that was it for him. I was upset at people in the restaurant.
I was on a good streak, and now they are blaming someone I like when they are the ones making the rules, as tho the people I like would do that to someone/me.
So, what? Was it the think with the cashier? I just felt uncomfortable. I was like looking at her sometimes, I guess, maybe wondering what was going on. I was looking at the menu. You know, it's not quite the experience eating out in these places for me.
They keep telling me mean stuff like what I can't have.
Problems
They keep saying I did something new as a problem or are just hacking at me for an old issue. They keep being mean to me. I wake up fresh every day, and I'm in trouble. I want to blank my mind out and not get out of bed.
They are a disappointment..
They gave a subtle ear into understanding they "cannot love me" but give what is mine to someone else.
There was more I forget.
I was wondering if someone would give me a ride, and my dad is mean and negative to me and he perked up, excited but to torture me in the ride cuz he's always mean to me. It came across that way. I think he was looking for me to perk up to his torturing me. He was so adamant but in general cross. I don't know why, guess it's nice he's excited, but don't most dads like to bug their daughters and cancel out their original dreams?
People keep opening me up and "including" my dad. What if your dad was involved every time you did things with others? I am not my dad! He sorta doesn't converse the way I do. I don't want my life to slowly go downhill.
Also, why is my aunt in my life like this, "punishing" me thru secret message? She keeps feeling she has to ruin something, and people listen. I don't. This is serious. I don't think even my therapist understands and doesn't fix it. You know, I don't see what the big deal really must be. It is like she does it, and then it's like she doesn't. It's a big game with her and others like Ellen DeGeneres playing tug a war. Ellen DeGeneres acts like it's not okay to talk to her and maybe others, but then I find she is only using them against me! Is this true?
My dad must be excited to see my mom and I so he can slowly put us down more and more. That's what they do at church here, and they pick on us for liking the pastor.
So, childless people like my aunt and Ellen DeGeneres keep being mean to me.
Disclaimer: I mean no offense. I'm concerned for my life. If people want to talk to someone else innocently is fine with me. I guess I am worried they do it with a hating spirit for me from those I like. I'm sorry about the people I mentioned, but that's what I was getting as a message. So, this post went off with the problem I had for my dad from talking about how they are actually messing around listening to my grandma that they should make other people closer to those I like just to hurt me. It's been awhile, and I have no promise for the future for sure that this will stop soon like it matters. The problems just go on! Why does this keep being so degenerate!? My life is shit like this! Yea, there's another idea in this post to post about.
They are a disappointment..
They gave a subtle ear into understanding they "cannot love me" but give what is mine to someone else.
There was more I forget.
I was wondering if someone would give me a ride, and my dad is mean and negative to me and he perked up, excited but to torture me in the ride cuz he's always mean to me. It came across that way. I think he was looking for me to perk up to his torturing me. He was so adamant but in general cross. I don't know why, guess it's nice he's excited, but don't most dads like to bug their daughters and cancel out their original dreams?
People keep opening me up and "including" my dad. What if your dad was involved every time you did things with others? I am not my dad! He sorta doesn't converse the way I do. I don't want my life to slowly go downhill.
Also, why is my aunt in my life like this, "punishing" me thru secret message? She keeps feeling she has to ruin something, and people listen. I don't. This is serious. I don't think even my therapist understands and doesn't fix it. You know, I don't see what the big deal really must be. It is like she does it, and then it's like she doesn't. It's a big game with her and others like Ellen DeGeneres playing tug a war. Ellen DeGeneres acts like it's not okay to talk to her and maybe others, but then I find she is only using them against me! Is this true?
My dad must be excited to see my mom and I so he can slowly put us down more and more. That's what they do at church here, and they pick on us for liking the pastor.
So, childless people like my aunt and Ellen DeGeneres keep being mean to me.
Disclaimer: I mean no offense. I'm concerned for my life. If people want to talk to someone else innocently is fine with me. I guess I am worried they do it with a hating spirit for me from those I like. I'm sorry about the people I mentioned, but that's what I was getting as a message. So, this post went off with the problem I had for my dad from talking about how they are actually messing around listening to my grandma that they should make other people closer to those I like just to hurt me. It's been awhile, and I have no promise for the future for sure that this will stop soon like it matters. The problems just go on! Why does this keep being so degenerate!? My life is shit like this! Yea, there's another idea in this post to post about.
They said I did something.
It sounds like people know things that I am not feeling good about what they are doing knowing or knowing itself in ways.
Well, they said I am not good because I am not submitting that I am bad and am confused about how to react, with them watching! So, what did I do? I feel like I'm being tested in private. I don't think I come with a problem. They didn't do this before.
I just feel like they are saying because of this I am bad or did something. It results in me not getting attention in a certain way and worrying about what I did, when I did nothing wrong in reality. I do not wish to listen to weird things they say are from my dad, my aunt, my grandma.. They are not right.
Well, they said I am not good because I am not submitting that I am bad and am confused about how to react, with them watching! So, what did I do? I feel like I'm being tested in private. I don't think I come with a problem. They didn't do this before.
I just feel like they are saying because of this I am bad or did something. It results in me not getting attention in a certain way and worrying about what I did, when I did nothing wrong in reality. I do not wish to listen to weird things they say are from my dad, my aunt, my grandma.. They are not right.
Problems
They keep acting like they are either really or pretending messing around saying that to me people are not real, not who they are. Supposedly, someone I like did this, and this makes no sense. It just keeps coming, now. Whatever it is, it has come to this. I don't find it funny. I don't think I matter less than others. They pretty much are set in their ways of bad.
Supposedly, someone I like is saying bad things about/to me sometimes, and I guess that means they just misjudge me. Maybe it's age difference.
I have not done anything to anyone, but I am held up to strange expectations.
You might think it is not bad cuz they never are, but there were other things that were hard to cope with.
I see people can think for me and say I was never ready for anything better and never to catch me at the right time into changing into a better life maybe.. strange how I've been treated and what I've gone thru.
No offense, but I don't see myself as a bad person cuz I'm short and fat. It's like ballet, they knock you out if you're no good. I may not be ready for what others are.. but you know I think we always have fast food when we eat out cuz Ellen DeGeneres says, cuz I used to get upset at people singling me out and acting like I'm a "nigger" when I ate out etc. No one tried to be nice to me. They didn't matter if that's what they thought. I don't know if I did anything illegal in front of others. I don't exactly remember what all my bad reactions were. I'm also on psychotic pills I don't need which gave me diabetes. I know I also have high cholesterol and take pills. I don't take any shots for diabetes but was told I might need to later. I can't believe how heavy I look I know since the festival.
Disclaimer: No offense to anyone. I just noticed people have some complication and it has lead to this or someone I like thinks I need to be punished harshly or out of the relationship eventually maybe.
Anyway, so how could I lose weight with problems, some my responsibility I did not get into, with problems like this? My parents make me take the pills. I do notice lotta people judge weight, too, regardless of theirs. What is food for, anyway? I've not gotten to be very skinny long, but in some ways I seemed so sometimes. Why is this being decided for me like this? I was skinnier before too but ran into some trouble.
I think they said someone else I liked would have something to say, too, that's a tough situation that involves me they can manipulate, like I did something tho. People forget about me and suggest other things. I'm being tested, too, to not think some thing they thought and are pressuring me with. It's making me insane. It's not my thought.
Why is someone I like supposedly harboring deep, dark feelings against me? Like, who does that?
They may have a good message about something, but I'm still here and have to deal with it. I can kinda seem to tell it's Ellen DeGeneres. She shouldn't be in charge of things, like that. I don't know I can trust anyone "to be there for me." I mean, everything has 2 sides it seems. So, I'm not upset "about the good thing." I just feel I can't count on anything I'm doing.
Disclaimer: I don't wanna fight. I'm just wondering if this is really happening. Why tell me I don't deserve to know who real people really are? It's happening right and left. It seems like a joke for someone/others. I don't think it's okay like it doesn't matter, but other people have it good supposedly in this. I hope the length of this post does not offend. I do it to be careful and be sincere. It may be weird but hopefully not bad.
I wish I didn't feel inclined to post this, but it seems dangerous, like I owe people things for things I didn't make a bargain for.
Supposedly, someone I like is saying bad things about/to me sometimes, and I guess that means they just misjudge me. Maybe it's age difference.
I have not done anything to anyone, but I am held up to strange expectations.
You might think it is not bad cuz they never are, but there were other things that were hard to cope with.
I see people can think for me and say I was never ready for anything better and never to catch me at the right time into changing into a better life maybe.. strange how I've been treated and what I've gone thru.
No offense, but I don't see myself as a bad person cuz I'm short and fat. It's like ballet, they knock you out if you're no good. I may not be ready for what others are.. but you know I think we always have fast food when we eat out cuz Ellen DeGeneres says, cuz I used to get upset at people singling me out and acting like I'm a "nigger" when I ate out etc. No one tried to be nice to me. They didn't matter if that's what they thought. I don't know if I did anything illegal in front of others. I don't exactly remember what all my bad reactions were. I'm also on psychotic pills I don't need which gave me diabetes. I know I also have high cholesterol and take pills. I don't take any shots for diabetes but was told I might need to later. I can't believe how heavy I look I know since the festival.
Disclaimer: No offense to anyone. I just noticed people have some complication and it has lead to this or someone I like thinks I need to be punished harshly or out of the relationship eventually maybe.
Anyway, so how could I lose weight with problems, some my responsibility I did not get into, with problems like this? My parents make me take the pills. I do notice lotta people judge weight, too, regardless of theirs. What is food for, anyway? I've not gotten to be very skinny long, but in some ways I seemed so sometimes. Why is this being decided for me like this? I was skinnier before too but ran into some trouble.
I think they said someone else I liked would have something to say, too, that's a tough situation that involves me they can manipulate, like I did something tho. People forget about me and suggest other things. I'm being tested, too, to not think some thing they thought and are pressuring me with. It's making me insane. It's not my thought.
Why is someone I like supposedly harboring deep, dark feelings against me? Like, who does that?
They may have a good message about something, but I'm still here and have to deal with it. I can kinda seem to tell it's Ellen DeGeneres. She shouldn't be in charge of things, like that. I don't know I can trust anyone "to be there for me." I mean, everything has 2 sides it seems. So, I'm not upset "about the good thing." I just feel I can't count on anything I'm doing.
Disclaimer: I don't wanna fight. I'm just wondering if this is really happening. Why tell me I don't deserve to know who real people really are? It's happening right and left. It seems like a joke for someone/others. I don't think it's okay like it doesn't matter, but other people have it good supposedly in this. I hope the length of this post does not offend. I do it to be careful and be sincere. It may be weird but hopefully not bad.
I wish I didn't feel inclined to post this, but it seems dangerous, like I owe people things for things I didn't make a bargain for.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)