I don't know how I feel about "what I've done." You might say, "I failed to do anything."
I guess it was lazy of me to send that letter, when I wasn't instead clouding up my blog with the stray thoughts. What else could be? It wasn't as bad as some people would make it out to be.
My asking my dad why he came to get me nicely? Triggering a violent reaction? He just doesn't like me. Then, my mom lectured me for an hour. I'm not sure what happened here, but they're acting very domineering about how people I find I am interested in treat me.
My continuing to be in denial when ticks in my house were spouted out at me when I was quickly informed not to.. that really *"flipped my lid." It was out then.
This is all concerning someone I met using the internet.
When I lost it in public and with my dad? Well, that was awkward. It starts small and grows. People say it's too late if I make a fist, and I am already holding it in and get more mad. It seems to have stopped. I control if it occurs.
I programmed myself not to say mean things about others. It worked until I was unprogrammed, but it still exists. So, I do not start mean things and don't have as bad a reaction. I do feel confined by others in my thinking.
What in all this am I looking for? Can I make anything better than otherwise?
I think it's when I think, "Stop." It's also if I think something weird and out-of-the-box to get ahead. I get irritated in general and want to dissociate it from innocent people. I didn't succumb because I don't know who all and wouldn't do something bad.
In the end, I'm in denial and not in control of my responsibilities. I also have too bleated out a past, game over!
If I'm mean in my thoughts sometimes, I am treated meanly. I do not try to be mean.
*suddenly become deranged or lose one's self-control (link)