My dad won't stop pounding mean secret messages into me when I got up and came out to eat tonight. I didn't really mean it, but the thought came out that maybe he or someone else would get it.. I'm tired of their incessant giving in to meanness towards me for various things that aren't bad. You know, these thoughts keep processing with me. I didn't remember to actively ignore the beatings I felt in my head from his making noises taking out the garbage. He even looked at me snidely when I woke up. If other people are disposable, than so is he.